What’s your “ How did this crap get published?!” book?

[MrsGrindah]

Just finished The Pretenders by Agatha Zaza. Gosh it was dreadful.Cannot understand how drivel like that gets a publishing deal. There was a scene where, in the middle of a “ dramatic” moment, one of the side characters crosses the room to his wife and “ took hold of the corner of her blouse” . What?! Who does that?! I can’t even picture it.

I really enjoyed The Goldfinch, even though it meanders off rather, half way through.
I LOATHED On Chesil Beach though, has the author ever met a woman ? Totally unbelievable, and ridiculous and yet also cringey and repellent.
I have never read 50 Shades, not my sort of thing- the extracts people posted on here were hilariously bad though.
Really did not like Dark Pines, a thriller I read early this year. Equal parts silly and revolting and the ending was glaringly obvious.

Fifty shades - it's origins as fanfic clearly showing through.
Thursday Murder Club - sounded right up my street, but I only managed a few chapters. I thought it would pick up, but it didn't.
Station Eleven - didn't really go anywhere or explain much.
The night circus - also didn't go anywhere.

I did enjoy the hunting party tho. A nice way read.

Everything by David Williams. Derivative. Terrible writing. Ghastly stereotypes. And plots with holes the size of his ego.

Generation X by Douglas Copeland. Such a piece of shit book. Hated it.

The oliphant book, The power, yes but for me the winner is... Hamnet. Shockingly poor. And there’s a xmas edition. Why?

The night circus - also didn't go anywhere.

Yes it was rather disappointing. It had such as beautiful front cover. I guess that's why there is the saying ...

Also The Bees. Pointless.

Anything waterstones till person recommends at random without being asked and with a big smile is usually shite. (And I love waterstones)

The witches of st Petersburg. Atavistic, prurient, nasty shite with a strong whiff of Western Saviour. Jesus it was awful.

@SirVixofVixHall Chesil Beach, when I finally read it, confirmed to me what I strongly suspected which is that he is crap in bed and suffers from all the resultant issues.

Ooooh of course the ferrante trilogy. Still baffled by the hype.

50 shades has not bern touched with a bargepole so cannot comment

Only Forward by Michael marshall smith. I loved it from start to almost finish. The last page and a half ruined it for me. Completely. And sci-fi is my genre of choice.

Oh im another who couldn't finish 50 shades. Dreadful.!

Agree about The Midnight Library btw. The only surprise in it was that he didn't write let's all hold hands and just be nice to each other. Vapid, boring crap.

Oh yeah and The Alchemist. What a self serving self regarding self obsessed load of absolute crap. It's like that yoga guru from nighty night had written a book, but much much worse. Complete arse from start to finish.

@WitchQueenofDarkness

Outlander - a modern American pretending to be a 1940s nurse...

Terrible

This. It was appalling. I gave up when the actual Loch Ness Monster appeared. Before that it was a mess of badly written accents, crap research and trying to make rapists appear sexy (and, obviously, failing).

Fifty Shades is still the worst of them all, but Outlander is high on the list.

I have thrown one physical book in the bin, it was called My Fat Brother. Can’t remember the author.
And the ending to Timoleon Vieta Come Home by Dan Rhodes made me swear in anger.
Also Catcher In The Rye. Utter pile of shite with the most obnoxious character.

Anyone read paper aeroplanes by Dawn O Porter? I am 25% in and really struggling, is it worth me persevering? It’s taken me months to get this far. It’s so boring & I can’t engage with any of the characters.

I loved Eleanor Oliphant and Normal People .

I hated the Silent Patient and Girl on a train but there is a special circle in hell for Before I go to Sleep, plot holes like meteor craters, utter dross.

@allthegoodusernameshavegone I haven’t read that one but I read So Lucky by the same author and felt the same, couldn’t relate to any of the characters, didn’t find any of them likeable, found it a chore. Only finished it because it was a book club choice. Wish I hadn’t bothered.

Diceman-utter drivel and I can’t believe I tried to finish it because someone told me it was good.

If you want bad writing read ‘men writing women’ on Twitter. In one piece a body in the morgue has a purse inside her vagina with cards, money and keys...,yes we love to use our private’s as fucking handbags!

Oh Dear Sylvia by Dawn French. I never get to read a whole book because I am on MN too much, but I tried for a whole holiday to plod through it. It made a nice thunk when I dropped it into the stewardess's bin bag in frustration on the plane on the way home.

Thursday Murder Club sounds like it has been written by my KS2 DD using the tick list given by her teacher for hitting all the marks in SATs. There's so much formulaic description.

I'm glad that people have already mention Girl on the Train. I read it after all the hype and I was so let down. I am still not sure if I am missing something.

Also Twilight. I was 17 when I read it and it was around the time of all the hype. I couldn't finish it. I always finish books no matter how bad they are but this one...just nope. It was so painful.

He Is Watching You by Charlie Gallagher. It has amazing reviews on Amazon but nothing actually happens . The main female detective is as dull as a phone book and the the main male detective is a patronising dickhead who kept referring to the female detective as 'kid' . I actually lost count of the amount of times he referred to her as a kid and how many times he uttered the words 'your missing girl'. You could have turned it into a drinking game.

The Girl Before by JP something or other. Again great reviews but again nothing happens and the 'twist' is obvious from a mile away. The book is told from two different perspectives but they are literally both the same just told from two different points of view and in different timelines. Also the before chapters had no speech marks. I am assuming the author did that on purpose to make some kind of point (though God knows what) because the now chapters had speech marks. I am also baffled by why these two people were so desperate to live in that creepy house and were happy to follow all the rules set out by a control freak.

I Could Pee on This - a stocking filler book of ‘poems’ by cats, so not expecting much but the poems are so badly written it’s unreal. They aren’t cute / twee rhyming poems and they aren’t cleverly written bad poems either. There is no rhyme, no amusing cadence, no funny observation. Just strings of drivel. Bought by my brother for my mum, who was first unimpressed and then mightily irritated by me incredulously reading the poems aloud. Definitely one for the so bad it’s good category as I still find it hard to imagine anyone would have the audacity to think this crap could be published.

Amazingly, there have been sequels, calendars and great Amazon reviews. If anyone on here thinks this stuff is amusing, please explain!

I’ve posted about it on here before about The Truth About the Harry Quebert Affair. Horrible sentimental tosh about a creepy character that was unaccountably described as literary.

If anyone wants an absorbing, beautifully written book that takes you convincingly into another world, Circe is brilliant. IMO

Oh no, I just bought The Time Traveller's Wife!

I loved Catcher in the rye and time travellers wife but god, Normal People... words fail me.
It must be an age thing though - I read Catcher in my teens and Time traveler in my 20s.... I would probably hate them if I read them now and I’m obviously too old for Normal People