Ever embarrassed yourself at hospital?

[QueenPaws]

Come and share while I recover with my Costa coffee
So I go for an ultrasound today, water drunk, mask and sanitiser. There's no traffic so I'm feeling all smug
Get in there and undo my jeans waistband to reveal I am wearing these
Me "oh ffs"
Staff howling

An other one made crazy by GAs; some would say there's nothing new about me chatting rubbish, but their influence renders it surreal

Happily I've suppressed most of it, but seared into my memory is the post-op nurse - the female post op nurse - who I insisted I was going to marry because I was so deeply in love with her

Bless her, she was really nice about it

I'm laughing at these

I'm like a model patient with GA. spring awake, demand food and tea, and then want to go home. Spend two days wired and awake
Nurse looked suspicious last time and said most people are still feeling sick and you want food? Me "yep. And pudding please"

Yes when I had to go to A and E as I'd convinced myself I had a tampon stuck inside me - and then the (male) doctor had a good root around and nothing was there

Wore Pokémon socks to a smear test. Poor nurse looked quite alarmed at bulbasaur glaring at her under that silly paper towel.

Oh and in labour for hours I had my iPod playing on shuffle on my speaker. Only Mr Blobby had to come on while I'm lying hopelessly on the bed with the nurse helping me with my breathing

I have a Eufy Hoover we all call it Sophie as it’s easier for the kids to say.

When my son was in A&E the nurse introduced herself as Sophie. I was sleep deprived and said to her “ oh that’s our hoovers name” she looked at me like I was deranged and I didn’t know what to say next so there was just an awkward silence

I collapsed at work a few years ago and was taken to hospital in an ambulance, by this point I had come round and felt fine. The paramedic was the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen and we were chatting all of the way. He came to see me twice in a&e when bringing in other patients and brought me a hot chocolate. When I was discharged I was waiting for a taxi on a bench outside and he came over to sit with me as he was on his break. Out of absolutely nowhere I threw up the hot chocolate I had drunk an hour earlier all over his lap. He went to clean himself up rather than waiting with me after that, I feel like before the puke I was in with a chance.

I was in hospital after the birth of my first DD. Still go this day not sure why they kept us in for 5 days, but they were the worst of my life. Like torture. There was nothing really wrong with either of us (just an early birth), so our ward only had minor cases on it - no one seriously ill.

This is relevant later, but I had had a bit of a dodgy tummy and let one of the nurses know. She told me I should really be put in isolation and have my own loo, but they didn’t have any space so they’d just section off one toilet for me and I’d have to stay on the ward.

Anyway, a bit later on I had my hormone crash and totally lost it on the ward. I was in floods of tears complaining very loudly to the nurse about how dreadful everyone in the ward was - how one poor woman kept having breakdowns over nothing at all (psych were involved, poor thing), how another had her dreadful family visiting at all hours in excessive numbers with no consideration (tv blaring, furniture being rearranged etc), another had her child running riot and he kept knocking my v baby’s crib, another taking midnight phone calls etc... all bad enough until I started complaining about the woman opposite me who I was certain should be in isolation because “she has a diseased vag” (said very loudly - i’d overheard she had been put on antibiotics as some test of hers came back positive). I was convinced she should have been isolating but they weren’t doing so due to lack of room (the reason they’d told me I wasn’t being isolated after my dodgy tummy) and I just kept loudly repeating she had a diseased vag.

Well, I calmed down fairly quickly after my rant and was embarrassed enough, but the nurses had arranged for the infection control nurse to come and talk to me about how they were following procedures, explaining they couldn’t discuss other patients but that everyone who should be isolated was being. I was mortified and wanted the ground to swallow me, but she kept going on trying to make sure I was ok.

I just had to keep my curtains shut till I could go home. I felt dreadful. Still do really if I think about how those other poor women must have felt. Although I also think it’s kind of funny.

@LittleOverwhelmed
I hadn't had hospital food for ages so was wondering what it would be like. Turns out if you like the food, they really do feed you
I had cheese and onion pie, veg, pickled cabbage, bread roll and jam roly poly and custard. They came back later with ice cream "for your throat after the op", cake, and two mugs of tea
Devastated when I had to go home had a private room too

DP was sent for an Ultrasound at the local hospital, the only issue is it was within the Maternity Unit during building works. He sat there among loads of pregnant women with his arse hanging out the gown . Loads of looks when his name was called and i followed closely behind covering him up.To add to his embarrassment he strangely agreed to a group of students being in attendance while his balls were scanned.
A few years later i shat on him while giving birth .

@FireUnderpants

When I had DC 1 they were still doing Sunday tours of the maternity unit, it's now changed to an online video. They had to cut short the showing of a delivery room as my screams echoing down the corridor were distressing a few of the women. I screamed so loud I had a sore throat for days after.

When I was in postnatal with dd2 I had swallowed a lot of gas and air the night before had ridiculous wind. At one point I was napping, woke myself up a horrendously loud one. It was so loud it was heard across the ward. The lady in the bed opposite asked her partner if it was him is disgust. They then concluded it was their newborn in the cot at the foot of her bed. They even told the midwife about the giant fart the tiny thing had made. I kept quiet.

Omg this is hilarious 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

@DougRossIsTheBoss I had one of them. Stood up and felt something travelling down my trouser leg. Though "WTF is that going down my leg?" Freaked me out. It plopped on the floor and freaked me out even more when I realised what it was. It was a clot the size of my fist!!!

The midwife didn't bat an eyelid. Had a good look and then said "let us know if you get any more".

When I went for a d&c after a mc the nurse handed me a pile of gowns and told me to get changed.

When I was later being helped on to the trolley one of the nurses asked me why I had four gowns on. Turns out, I was supposed to pick my size, not wrap myself up like a pass the parcel.

Mine was 2 years ago with suspected cauda equina in hospital, it thankfully wasn't but it took about a week to work out what was going on. So I'm totally bedbound and tell the nurse I have a stomach pain, asked when did I last go about 10 days ago, decides to give enema to help me out, boy did it work about 45 minutes on a commode making awful sounds and smells and I was moved back into bed, then I broke wind and soiled everything. Back to the commode again and another hour where I get did of literally everything I ever ate, the sound and smells just as bad. Then the nurse pulled the curtains back and at the next bed was a mother and her 5 children in steps of stairs standing looking appalled at me and I was apologising to the lady in the next bed, who commented don't worry they growing up on a farm.

Also its all over my notes now to never give me valium or any of the similar drugs, I was given it by injection once on a psych ward to calm down and allow rest, it was something to do with the Dr being called back to the ward that night and me grabbing him and flinging him into a tango down the ward, the staff spent the whole night trying to keep me dressed/ coveredand singing and dancing, riverdance was not appreciated at 11pm or every hour on the hour. I ended up with 2:1 as they waited for it to clear my system. I was physically exhausted

I was on the postnatal ward a day after giving birth to DS, who was in SCBU due to meconium aspirate. A Dr appears and asks to examine me. No problem, thinks I, so I just let him get on with it. I then let out the longest and loudest fart, which included spraying some lochia on him as I didn't have any control of my nether regions after a long and difficult labour. I was absolutely mortified at the time. He finishes his examination quickly and disappears.

A friend who is a midwife pointed out that Drs didn't routinely visit new mothers to carry out vaginal examinations on the post natal ward. He might have been a Dr, he might have been a pervert. I have no idea. But he got far more than he bargained for!

Thought of another one: I was having radiotherapy on one breast & there were male & female technicians. Trying to act unconcerned, every day for about a month (I think), I would walk in, strip off my top & bra nonchalantly & lie down on the equipment.

It must've been the last day when they told me I could remain mostly covered up & just expose the bit they were working on.

Thanks OP for an awesome thread - had a proper chuckle at some of these tonight; much needed after an awful day!

My contributions seems rather small in comparison..

Went for a pre op blood test when i was a teenager, didnt look at the needle going in as I knew it would make me feel funny.. made a point of looking once they were taking the blood. Mum warned me not to look because I would faint. Turns out she was right - i cane around to her holding me by the head/neck so i didnt fall of the chair, with me struggling to breathe/get her hands off my neck while jot totally conscious!

The other one was coming round from GA - no idea what the recovery staff were talking about (perhaps a court case locally?) but i remember having an opinion on it, and vocalising it.. trying to speak clearly and properly.
No idea what i was commenting on, or what my comments were though!

My labour was very quick and intense and it sent me a bit loopy. I ended up screaming at the midwife and blaming her for my woes and thrashing my arms and legs a lot while she tried to calm me down. It was most embarrassing once my baby had arrived and I'd come down from my gas and air high and had to have a normal conversation with her.

I suppose they must see worse though.

In A&E after a bad drug reaction. Had to get out of bed cos I really needed to use the loo, fainted through the cubicle curtains, headbutted a table, giving myself a black eye in the process, and shat myself.

@DougRossIsTheBoss I'll have those drugs please 😂😂

When having a consultation for joint issues, declined changing in to a robe for examination. Didn’t realise examination would include me walking up and down the room - in just my pants.

I don’t react well to GAs and when coming round from one and opening my eyes to see a fellow patient looking at me, I loudly questioned ‘why is that man staring at me?!’

Coming round from another GA, my DM had been called in as they couldn’t bring me round. I remember some sort of blanket being on me with air being blown underneath. Could hear people laughing and talking loudly nearby and loudly complained about it. DM later said it was a group of Drs who the nurse looking after me went and told off.

Such a diva.

I went into a full blown description with my old GP about how I was tearful, moody and a bit sad but generally ok.

Except he'd asked about my "motions" not my "emotions"

I also very recently had a scan into my bladder, the consultant had laid this big paper sheet over me with a hole in it placed over my bits, all ok I'm acting cool chatting to the nurses, even though I was so nervous.

He then said can you move up a bit for me..

My brain decided at that point to sort of thrust my hips upwards fanny towards him.. in quite a forceful, happy to help kind of way. He very gently said.. I'm sorry could you just shuffle up the bed for me please. 🤦‍♀️

Not a hospital but a doctor's office in Germany.

In Germany some doctor's offices are in regular houses or flats, not GP surgeries like we have here.

Doctor asked for urine sample. Showed me to bathroom. Bathroom looks like completely ordinary bathroom like you'd find in someone's house.

Toddle back to examination room with little cup in hand.

Doctor and doctor's assistant both look at me like I'd tried to hand them a fresh turd.

Turns out the mirrored cupboard above the sing was actually for storing urine samples. I guess Germans already know this, because no one bothered to tell me!