Why is nobody talking about this Christmas conspiracy?

[SinkGirl]

Over the last few years I’ve started to suspect a growing conspiracy, as it’s worse every year...

I firmly believe that manufacturers of all products are in a conspiracy with wrapping paper manufacturers, to package every item in a way that makes it approximately 1cm too wide to be wrapped up using the width of the wrapping paper, so you have to turn it around and use the length. Then the packaging for smaller items is made to be too big for the many offcuts. This is the only explanation for the fact that this has happened with EVERY BLOODY THING I HAVE WRAPPED THIS YEAR. I would avoid it and go for gift bags but they are in on it too.

This must be deliberate and I’m sure it goes all the way to the top.

Also, Amazon being on a mission to fill up by recycling bins across the country by sending every item in a separate box that’s at least two sizes too big, and filled with paper that barely compresses. Have yet to figure out their motive but I’m sure there is one.

I really wanted a yule log in my tesco order but the normal size ones were out of stock so one to serve 10 practically added itself to my basket. Tesco wants to keep me fat, clearly.

What other Christmas conspiracies am I missing?

I also forgot battery operated fairy lights. So convenient yet a blatant conspiracy with Duracell since the batteries last about 2 days before the lights are depressing AF. And supermarkets are in on that one too, since 4 batteries cost about £8 when you can buy 100 for £20 online.

(Perhaps more broadly linked to the general battery and lightbulb conspiracy - are so many types of battery and bulb fitting / size really necessary?)

Went shopping earlier. Somehow more fattening desserts fell into my trolley, despite the fact that I already have a freezer drawer full of Christmas desserts.

Ooo catbearamo top tip! I like it!

Conspiracy Conclusion: The hideous opened paper will outlast all others.

And dont forget that it will always be the thinnest, weakest paper which somehow refuses to fold, just sort of wrinkles and scrunches so all parcels end up looking like they were wrapped in the dark.

YY to sellotape dispensers. When I was setting up my WFH office I bought myself one. DH made this face: at the time but at the weekend it came into its own when I locked myself into my office with endless spiced chai tea, a good old fashioned Agatha Christie to listen to and wrapped all presents in a single sitting.

Can I add the Xmas tree related conspiracies?

The old, it looked so reasonablly sized when it was outside at the garden centre, is still going strong. See also the daily doesn't need water, doesn't need water, doe.... Shit needles all falling off.
Vertical needles in the rug that you impale your foot on. In Feb.

The government reprogram my mother every year in November which leads her to believe I am the Christmas Oracle . This means daily questions on what to buy every family member, their likes / dislikes , their social diary and food preferences. They take away all her ability to ask the people themselves, instead she steadfastly believes I have All The Answers .

@Dontforgetyourbrolly

The same government reprogramming results in Mums taking on 99%+ of all planning, buying, cooking, wrapping etc at Christmas time.