Why is nobody talking about this Christmas conspiracy?

[SinkGirl]

Over the last few years I’ve started to suspect a growing conspiracy, as it’s worse every year...

I firmly believe that manufacturers of all products are in a conspiracy with wrapping paper manufacturers, to package every item in a way that makes it approximately 1cm too wide to be wrapped up using the width of the wrapping paper, so you have to turn it around and use the length. Then the packaging for smaller items is made to be too big for the many offcuts. This is the only explanation for the fact that this has happened with EVERY BLOODY THING I HAVE WRAPPED THIS YEAR. I would avoid it and go for gift bags but they are in on it too.

This must be deliberate and I’m sure it goes all the way to the top.

Also, Amazon being on a mission to fill up by recycling bins across the country by sending every item in a separate box that’s at least two sizes too big, and filled with paper that barely compresses. Have yet to figure out their motive but I’m sure there is one.

I really wanted a yule log in my tesco order but the normal size ones were out of stock so one to serve 10 practically added itself to my basket. Tesco wants to keep me fat, clearly.

What other Christmas conspiracies am I missing?

Sobeyondthehills

Ha ha ha!

We all used to be amused at our Nan who had terrible eyesight ad you cold always tell her present (though inevitably, it had not tag on it) She used to get us Quality Street (the cartons, and at that time one of our favourite presents) but it looked like she had kicked it all around the room.

I tried wrapping stuff for my brothers' families and books, you would think, easy to do. Nope I managed to make it look just like Nan's efforts!

Still, better than over wrapping and a bugger to get in to!

I love this thread!! I was expecting another coronavirus conspiracy thread - this is joyous!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart

Decided to get one up on things this year. And use the Amazon boxes I saved, as the wrapping. Is also crafty because the kids haven't twigged the presents are under there (they do know santa isn't real, before anyone starts on about ruining the magic).

@MaelyssQ

I love this thread!! I was expecting another coronavirus conspiracy thread - this is joyous!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart

Glad to bring a smile on this shitty day :D

@OhToBeASeahorse

Yes! I end up with about 20 pieces of paper that would only work for Borrower sized gifts. And I dont know any Borrowers to buy for.

I bought my DTs some dairy free chocolate covered raisins which I can guarantee they will like more than any of the pile of presents they’ve got.

Maybe I’ll wrap those. But I’ll probably have to cut a bit off the offcuts and then that will be too small for anything. Maybe I’ll wrap the raisins separately? Ha, conspiracy foiled!

@HoneysuckIejasmine

The best think I ever did was buy a tape dispenser. Just a big old heavy thing with serrated blade. It's brilliant.

One year I bought one of those sellotape dispensers that goes on your hand and you pull out little strips... those were the days. Lost the bastard though, obviously.

@SinkGirl please wrap them individually. Please.

What I’d like to know is what happens to the stuff I buy in the January Sales; crackers, wrapping paper, paper plates, napkins and the like come December. Why can I not find it until I have bought the stuff again?

Last year i decided to be environmentally friendly and wrapped everything in kraft paper with a different colour ribbon per person. Looked great and quite a bit of paper could be re-used as can the ribbons.

Except I've started wrapping for this year and discovered that none of the ribbons are the right size for this second round of wrapping so I either end up with way too much ribbon or I cut some off and have 10-20cm pieces which are useless.

The biggest Christmas conspiracy here is how BoJo and Wee Nicola waited until after we had thrown away ALL the fecking boxes to announce the new lockdown - which means ds1 and his fiancée can’t come and visit, and we need to post their stocking presents and their presents for under the tree. And, in order to make them all fit in the recycling bin, dh tore them all up, so I can’t retrieve some and use them.

Plus the Royal Mail is chockablock with parcels, so even if I did have any boxes, there is no chance their presents would get there by Christmas.

Self-hiding Christmas cards. Every year I get a pack, write cards, send cards, have loads left over. No worries I think, they'll do for next Christmas. Except the crafty little buggers grow legs and scuttle off...come next December I search high and low and they're nowhere to be found, forcing me to buy another pack. Only then do the evil masters of concealment pop out of hiding as if to say, we've been here all along you numbnuts, nice work wasting money on more cards (repeat, annually).

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius

The biggest Christmas conspiracy here is how BoJo and Wee Nicola waited until after we had thrown away ALL the fecking boxes to announce the new lockdown - which means ds1 and his fiancée can’t come and visit, and we need to post their stocking presents and their presents for under the tree. And, in order to make them all fit in the recycling bin, dh tore them all up, so I can’t retrieve some and use them.

Plus the Royal Mail is chockablock with parcels, so even if I did have any boxes, there is no chance their presents would get there by Christmas.

Yes, those fuckers waited until the recycling had been collected - it’s all starting to come together now. We need to start a website to expose all this.

You're forgetting the conspiracy between all wrapping paper manufacturers, the paper contains something that attracts cats then renders them immobile. It's a curse. I remove a cat and it comes straight back, sits and stares.

This post has brought me joy, thank you op!

@GnomeDePlume

We always end up with one more roll than we need so this year we decided to use up the extras rather than buy more. The theme for this year's wrapping is 'ghosts of Christmas past'.

I thought I'd do the same, starting with all the opened ones but some how I've only managed to clear a few of the opened ones, none of the unopened.

One of the rolls will probably go on for another couple of years at this rate and it is in my opinion truly hideous.

Conspiracy Conclusion: The hideous opened paper will outlast all others.

@noelgiraffe

I like sprouts! I'm a bit miffed that no one else seems to like them though, as I always struggle to find fresh ones after Christmas. I do always have some frozen in the freezer though.

@thenewaveragebear1983
Wow, I never thought to keep some to snack on cold!

I have a shelf which holds the wrapping paper and every year I discover at least one horribly ugly roll of wrapping paper that I would never have bought except I must have. It invariably gets used for the ones that won’t fit in the nice rolls.

Also I think Waitrose are trying to beat the system from within as I bought some paper this year from them and it was thick and didn’t tear and was lovely to cut and fold. And it’s recyclable. You watch, they’ll be taken out before next Christmas.

And yes, why DO cats sit on it? Are the designs printed in catnip, in the hope they’ll shred it all and we’ll have to buy more?

We are on to them, I would be checking our car for a car bomb but we don’t ever bloody go in it any more anyway.

@TodgerStrunk

I want to know how there is still paper left on the roll of wrapping paper I bought in Costco in 2016.

Yes, I have one of those magic ever-lasting Costco Christmas wrapping paper rolls also. At least it’s double sided, so you can mix things up a bit.

@Al1langdownthecleghole

What I’d like to know is what happens to the stuff I buy in the January Sales; crackers, wrapping paper, paper plates, napkins and the like come December. Why can I not find it until I have bought the stuff again?

I had 3 boxed of crackers in the loft at one point, due to doing this then not being able to find them or forgetting I'd bought them. I have a horrible feeling that I don't actually have any left and I had been relying on DSIL to supply them this year, but they aren't coming now. DS wanted ones with metal toys in. £7.50 in tesco and I know they'll be £1 odd in January. Darn it. But if I buy some now, I'll find my loft stash before then, I just know it.

The clearest Christmas conspiracy is how I was pluming myself smugly on getting to shove all the boxes/wrapping paper/parcel crap into PIL’s bin on Christmas Day, as our recycling bin is already full and won’t be emptied until after Christmas. Lo and behold, we’re now in tier 4 and can’t travel. I’m going to have to hoist a child into the bin and make them dance a Macarena to squash down the boxes in it. Conspiracy, I tells ye!

@ninecoronas

Self-hiding Christmas cards. Every year I get a pack, write cards, send cards, have loads left over. No worries I think, they'll do for next Christmas. Except the crafty little buggers grow legs and scuttle off...come next December I search high and low and they're nowhere to be found, forcing me to buy another pack. Only then do the evil masters of concealment pop out of hiding as if to say, we've been here all along you numbnuts, nice work wasting money on more cards (repeat, annually).

Exactly the same here!

[quote Shitfuckoh]@noelgiraffe

I like sprouts! I'm a bit miffed that no one else seems to like them though, as I always struggle to find fresh ones after Christmas. I do always have some frozen in the freezer though.

@thenewaveragebear1983
Wow, I never thought to keep some to snack on cold![/quote]
I cook loads, they go really well in the bubble and squeak. In fact, we cook double of everything because bubble and squeak (made by DH and probably the main reason we are still married) is actually the best thing about Christmas.

@TooExtraImmatureCheddar

The clearest Christmas conspiracy is how I was pluming myself smugly on getting to shove all the boxes/wrapping paper/parcel crap into PIL’s bin on Christmas Day, as our recycling bin is already full and won’t be emptied until after Christmas. Lo and behold, we’re now in tier 4 and can’t travel. I’m going to have to hoist a child into the bin and make them dance a Macarena to squash down the boxes in it. Conspiracy, I tells ye!

Only a monster would fill up someone else’s recycling bin at Christmas. Shame on you, Cheddar. SHAAAAAME.

Our Costco roll of wrapping paper is also five years old at least, I'm bloody sick of the pattern but still have loads left. It's only beaten by our roll of Costco cling film which has lasted 8 years and seen us through two house moves!

@CatVsChristmasTree oh my, bubble and squeak. We normally see pil on 26th but this year, I am all over those leftovers.