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Original poster

SIL didn't tell anyone she's not going to MIL for christmas

64 replies

Littlemissnutcracker · 20/12/2020 10:07

We are not in the UK. So we offered to have elderly in laws last minute as SIL changed her plans.

We get on OK they are of a different era in their outlook on life so I don't fully relax around them but respect them. They worked hard their whole life and MIL is controlled a lot by FIL.
Anyway SIL was to go for dinner to their house. We have alternated with BIL and wife. Their own daughter doesn't bother much with them other than phonecalls. But of course it's covid issue too so I get it.

However dh mentioned SIL is dropping off presents but not coming in. So I put two and two together she has cancelled christmas with them.

The thing is she didn't tell us so mil and fil would be alone. So now we have offered and MIL can't make that decision alone.
It's fine to have them but I am so annoyed. Of course I will treat them well but it wasn't the plan. I am selfish I know but they are dh family and I do a the work all the time and they will comment 'not too much not too rich' and conversation which I find rude. When we went to theirs years ago no crackers and the centrepiece was a packet of bisto gravy no toasties or anything so their Christmas expectations are totally different.

OP posts:
Original poster
Littlemissnutcracker · 20/12/2020 10:09

Sorry my point is I had to point out to dh that in laws would be alone as he didnt put two and two together that SIL isn't going. She's calling to the front door today and that is it.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 20/12/2020 10:11

I don’t really understand the issue. I assume she told them. Who do they need to consult to agree to come to you?

Original poster
Littlemissnutcracker · 20/12/2020 10:14

I think the issue is she let them down knowing they would be on their own. Or presume we would do the duties.

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Original poster
Littlemissnutcracker · 20/12/2020 10:15

Since I married a decade ago they have not spent it with them and this year I thought we would have a break.

OP posts:
Motnight · 20/12/2020 10:16

But your in laws are not alone. They are with each other.

Original poster
Littlemissnutcracker · 20/12/2020 10:17

Traditionally you wouldn't leave elderly people alone though would you.

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Santaisironingwrappingpaper · 20/12/2020 10:18

Given their level of celebration can you blame sil?

Original poster
Littlemissnutcracker · 20/12/2020 10:19

Also no way would my dh agree to having dinner at my parents house. So that puts it into context. Anyway we will have them and I will say nothing.

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Hoppinggreen · 20/12/2020 10:19

Have they asked to come or had sil actually told you they will be alone?
If not keep out if it

AlwaysCheddar · 20/12/2020 10:19

In certain circumstances, yes I would leave them alone. I wouldn’t want my Christmas ruined by Scrooge’s.

BeyondMyWits · 20/12/2020 10:19

Why do you "have" to step in? Can they not take care of their own needs day to day? It is Christmas during covid.

AlwaysCheddar · 20/12/2020 10:20

More fall you... don’t be a martyr.

Original poster
Littlemissnutcracker · 20/12/2020 10:20

That's what I think santa it's like having fun or any type of spending it frivolous and unholy Xmas Sad

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PragmaticWench · 20/12/2020 10:20

Traditionally you might not but this year it's probably a kindness to leave an elderly couple alone. A single person maybe not.

Lweji · 20/12/2020 10:21

She's not putting them at risk of covid, but you kindly will? Hmm

EurosprogBauble · 20/12/2020 10:21

@Littlemissnutcracker

Traditionally you wouldn't leave elderly people alone though would you.
But they aren't alone. There are two of them?
ChristmasTreeFairy5000 · 20/12/2020 10:21

@Littlemissnutcracker

Traditionally you wouldn't leave elderly people alone though would you.
Yes, yes I would. I think my parents would absolutely love it.

To me, it speaks volumes that their own daughter does not want to spend Christmas with them.

Original poster
Littlemissnutcracker · 20/12/2020 10:24

Lweig. She is angry when I don't call. I get a lot of guilt trips over it.

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Original poster
Littlemissnutcracker · 20/12/2020 10:25

They visit here and come in even once when they knew there was a case of it in ds school. They are really really lonely.

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Whohasitworse · 20/12/2020 10:26

But there’s two of them?

Hoppinggreen · 20/12/2020 10:26

Does your DH get the guilt trips too?

ineedaholidaynow · 20/12/2020 10:27

My parents had Christmas on their own before, and not because we didn't get on, they preferred a quieter Christmas especially when DF was ill. Since DF died we have had DM for Christmas (although this year we will only be meeting outsideSad)

TheYearOfSmallThings · 20/12/2020 10:28

and I will say nothing

Grin
Original poster
Littlemissnutcracker · 20/12/2020 10:30

No they are really really old fashioned. FIL sits on a chair and MIL runs around after him while he snaps at her that the cake is too sweet or whatever. When dh leaves the room and its just MIL and I she moans about the whole world but when dh comes back in its all happy happy. So I get Al lthe emotional baggage and crap. So dh calls everyday via phone and I have stopped due to this. So he can deal with it all.

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Original poster
Littlemissnutcracker · 20/12/2020 10:33

theyearofsmallthings yes I will say no more. What the point falling out with dh for a bit of dinner. I just am quietly pissed off but I don't have too much to do with SIL anyway as she not a very nice person in general.

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