What time are your year 9s allowed out til?

[evenmoreforthemoor]

Just interested to know whether DDs 'home time' is typical.

Non school night, no lockdown hers is 9pm, later if she's at a friends house and we pick up.

Usually out at a park or similar.

I don't know any teens that age who hang out at parks until 9. Obviously some do, but no-one I know.

At a friend's house is different of course, provided I know them. 9 ish is sensible there.

Mine don't hang around the park. We're not in a city, but the ones who do, do cause some trouble. Mine still have independence, get buses and trains to nearby towns and cities, but it's more purposeful.

I do think it depends on where you are. In my area nope not a chance in holy hell. The drug dealers make a beeline for kids in the parks here. If the parks aren't filled with the drinkers. Its crystal clear here that if your DC are hanging around after dark in the park they are vulnerable and no sane parent would agree with it.

However where my DP live it wouldn't be big deal (I mean it would because the neighbourhood watch would clutch their Pearl's so hard they would break them in case someone left a crisp packet....three parents would be spoken to ,the school would be informed and probably some form of roving task force set up....possibly with tasers....but no actual risk would be there for the Dc)

You will get very different responses OP depending on the area.

I think it's totally deluded to think it depends on area. That's not been my experience at all.

Bored teenagers hanging about in leafy, desirable areas are also smoking, drinking, shagging, and being gobby just as much as Londoners. That was my experience in the 90s when I was teen growing up in a posh semi-rural village, and it's my experience now in a leafy commuter town.

OP you're obviously happy enough with your decision, fine, but it's not something every parent would be ok with.

I think you are an incredibly naive parent.

I concur.

I grew up in a leafy very middle class area. I went to the park to drink, take drugs and smoke. And start fires.

We live in a leafy quite middle class area. That's what the teenagers do there. I know, because I walk my dog in the evenings.

I know from friends that live in "rough" areas that's what the kids there do too.

It's not about freedom really, it's about recognising how the teenage brain works.

But 10 points for getting the words pearl clutching in there.

Our town is nice, semi-rural, home counties market town. Great community, lots of clubs and always things going on. The parks and open spaces are well maintained and generally immaculate but littered with drug debris and broken glass on a Sunday morning. There is a lot of low level crime (cars vandalised, cars racing on side roads etc) on weekend evenings and virtually no police presence. So my teens don't hang out after dark, it's a totally different place to how it is in daytime.

In summer, 9pm. Otherwise, when it’s dark.

They sit and drink Starbucks and make Tiktok videos.
I’ve scooted through briefly with the dog and seen them.

My 10 yr old also goes to the park with friends on his own after school, is that not something those who are saying no would allow?

My 10 yr old also goes to the park with friends on his own after school, is that not something those who are saying no would allow?

It doesn't happen where I am. They go in groups with parents or a parent if it's a play date. They go off on their own once there while the parent is usually supervising a younger child/ren but there's always a parent nearby.

I was allowed out until around that time when I was that age and we were very much up to no good 😂😂😂

This is such a hard one for me. I genuinely don't think it's appropriate at all but there's so much pressure on me about it but my 16 year old is up in the CITY after dark (home around 9) and I hate it!! She doesn't drink but there's always some drama with another teen who's had too much and an ambulance is called and I just hate letting her out. I do feel like we have to slowly let them have their independence but this is a step too far for me.

And SO much better than being online or having to partake in some kind of capitalist dream of childhood like a mall/cinema/cafe - good organised fun.

But it's not "organised fun" as in controlled by parents. The kids make their arrangements and get themselves around on public transport to meet up and see each other. They go to ice cream shops, seem to spend a lot of time smelling the bath bombs in lush from what I can gather, go bowling, study and cook together at each other's houses, take the family dogs out, go swimming. I can't see those things as being negative when compared to sitting together chatting in the park in the dark.

I remember hanging round the park. The bullying, the older upper year boys and those who had left school been showing interest in the very young girls who thought they were their "boyfriends". Smoking because everyone else did, exposure to porn, fights, escaping other gangs of kids who we had conflict with. I remember daring each other to hang off an over pass and one of us having to let herself fall as she couldn't pull herself back up. Stupid, risky behaviour that I feel sick at the thought of my children being involved in. It didn't make me a better person. The outdoor skills I learned as a child that I carried with me into adult life are things like being able to build and maintain a proper fire, cooking over it, making "spears" by shaving all the bark off and sharpening the points then pretending to "hunt" in the woods, putting up shelters etc. All these were learned from being with my Dad - a long serving soldier and those are my best childhood memories. I don't have good memories of my supposed free range childhood and I suspect many people don't. I was out to get away from my Mum who was unpredictable and aggressive, not because I really wanted to be.

@HmmSureJan

And SO much better than being online or having to partake in some kind of capitalist dream of childhood like a mall/cinema/cafe - good organised fun.

But it's not "organised fun" as in controlled by parents. The kids make their arrangements and get themselves around on public transport to meet up and see each other. They go to ice cream shops, seem to spend a lot of time smelling the bath bombs in lush from what I can gather, go bowling, study and cook together at each other's houses, take the family dogs out, go swimming. I can't see those things as being negative when compared to sitting together chatting in the park in the dark.

I remember hanging round the park. The bullying, the older upper year boys and those who had left school been showing interest in the very young girls who thought they were their "boyfriends". Smoking because everyone else did, exposure to porn, fights, escaping other gangs of kids who we had conflict with. I remember daring each other to hang off an over pass and one of us having to let herself fall as she couldn't pull herself back up. Stupid, risky behaviour that I feel sick at the thought of my children being involved in. It didn't make me a better person. The outdoor skills I learned as a child that I carried with me into adult life are things like being able to build and maintain a proper fire, cooking over it, making "spears" by shaving all the bark off and sharpening the points then pretending to "hunt" in the woods, putting up shelters etc. All these were learned from being with my Dad - a long serving soldier and those are my best childhood memories. I don't have good memories of my supposed free range childhood and I suspect many people don't. I was out to get away from my Mum who was unpredictable and aggressive, not because I really wanted to be.

Not to mention fingering and getting blind drunk 😂

The things other poster seem afraid of - anti social behaviour/drugs etc in this town take place 'elsewhere' in town, where she's not allowed to go

You are too cute.

I've not really had to consider it -- it's not yet come up for either my Y9 or Y11 teenagers. My Y9 is more the social butterfly, but she comes home for dinner and doesn't ask to go back out other than for things like cadet duties. Both of them talk to their friends and stuff over devices or, pre-Covid, have them over here. I don't organize anything for them, except possibly food.

When there isn't a lockdown, I prefer my house to be a hangout spot. That's what I did as a teenager once I was living with my father (my mother wouldn't allow people in the house - I could go anywhere, just not allowed to do anything in the house that bothered her). There were times I did hang out in parks or in friends cars or wander the streets with friends (or one time an air field when I was 16), but I have far better memories of people wanting a place to sit and talk and being able to offer that space (even if some got annoyed at teen-me's strict 'keep your alcohol and drugs on the other side of the door' policy). I want my children to feel comfortable doing that with their friends. I much preferred being welcomed by adults or being able to welcome people than being in the cold and dark, I mostly equate those to days when I'd been kicked out and trying to figure out what I was going to do next. I want my children to have more stability than that.

I finished school in a town that still loves to talk about itself as this 'dome' (literally the name of the school newspaper, ignore it's smackdab in the middle of a metro area) where children and teens can walk everywhere unlike the cities and was just so much better than elsewhere. That part is true, but it's also now internationally known as the alma mater of the Stanford rapist and when that news broke, myself and many other graduates spoke out about how none of us were surprised, that many of us were waiting for something like this to happen. It's a town that sweeps things under the carpet and puts its reputation as the area with the top school first and kids who do well get away with everything. Yeah the 7th grades who were getting regularly drunk could stumble home, but that didn't make them safer than anywhere else in the county as the school liked to portray. I'm far more wary of places that try to act like all that happens 'elsewhere' compared to my area now where the issues are pretty openly discussed and I talk to my children about harm reduction rather than pretending it's all happening somewhere they're not allowed.

Some people on here are forgetting lots of people are in tier 3. They can't currently even go and sit in McDonald's. They used to go to Nandos in the next town on the bus and then I'd pick them up. Can't do that now. Can't go and sit in Starbucks. Can't go to study or cook at a friend's house. It's currently outdoors or it's nowhere.

I know exactly what goes on in parks and when teenagers hang out. DD knows I know what goes on. DD knows I'd be on her case at one whiff of smoke or weed. DD also knows my friend regularly walks her dog through the park in the evening and knows if she catches DD up to no good I will hear about it.

Ironically, one of the lads my DD was out with got his bike stolen and was threatened with a knife at 6pm (before it was dark). That's kind of made me realise my "but its dark" argument held little water.

We're not forgetting, it's the same in Tier 2, we can't meet anyone indoors at all, no cafes, no one's house, outdoors only.

My best friend's son was allowed to go out to the park in Year 9. That's where he first got drugs.

All teenagers are having their social lives affected right now. They have to suck it up like everyone else. You can say No......

The kids who hang around our local village with their friends have parents who just want them out of the house .

These are the groups which get young teenagers into drugs , alcohol and underage sex. Not what I want for my children .

Not what I want for my children .

^^ yes they've got uni to look forward to for all that 😂

Thanks for telling me I can say no. I just don't want to. If I wanted to, I would have done and she wouldn't have gone.

I love having my DD at home. I love spending time with her. She likes seeing her friends. I love it when they all pile round here and it's noisy and messy and full of them giggling. However, doesn't seem like that will be happening any time soon so out they go. I'm the parent in the holidays who always offers to drive them on day trips, to the waterpark or beach or whatever. I can assure you I am a present and interested parent.

@Itstheprinciple

Thanks for telling me I can say no. I just don't want to. If I wanted to, I would have done and she wouldn't have gone.

I love having my DD at home. I love spending time with her. She likes seeing her friends. I love it when they all pile round here and it's noisy and messy and full of them giggling. However, doesn't seem like that will be happening any time soon so out they go. I'm the parent in the holidays who always offers to drive them on day trips, to the waterpark or beach or whatever. I can assure you I am a present and interested parent.

Me too - usually we have the house full of them. I do miss them a lot at the moment.

I remember hearing that in Spain(?) they give their young children more freedom that we Brits give ours, but when they hit teens they have more organised activities via youth clubs etc. I do think there is a lack of 'neutral' places for teens to meet.

9pm, in year 9!! Not a chance 😂 I’m pretty sure this thread is a wind up. My DS was only allowed out in the day at that age and only for a couple of hours tops. He’s 17 now and it’s only really been since he started college 18 months ago that I’ve felt able to relax but he’s really good with keeping in touch whilst he’s out.