What time are your year 9s allowed out til?

[evenmoreforthemoor]

Just interested to know whether DDs 'home time' is typical.

Non school night, no lockdown hers is 9pm, later if she's at a friends house and we pick up.

Usually out at a park or similar.

And do you know what? From experience and knowing some unfortunate families, you can do the very best for your kids and follow all the rules or be a crap parent and not give a crap,You still can't control how a kid is going to turn out!
I've known kids who were brought up with restrictions that turned out a druggy, a not so restricted kid that turned out OK, you just never know what you will get, all you can do is try your best and love them

My kids don’t hang around in the streets or anywhere really. They are allowed to meet their friends at the park after school til dinner time but definitely no roaming around in the evenings!

It's certainly not something I would ever encourage though. I used to do it myself, lots of drugs, underage sex / drinking, smoking, fights, grooming by older men, rape, carrying knifes for 'protection' etc. And this was in a small 'safe' town. Thankfully my parents knew nothing

This reflects my own experience in the late 90s precisely, and is why my children will not be out loitering, regardless of age or location!

I mean what are your year 9s doing in the park at night @evenmoreforthemoor? Playing on the swings? Discussing Plato?

9pm if I know he’s at someone’s (inevitable the girlfriend) house.

If not, then whenever it gets dark in autumn/winter. In summer no later than 7.30-8pm.

So much of this is down to where you live. It’s impossible to say.
My oldest was on a really safe, semi rural housing estate at that age. 9pm was about right at that age unless he was going somewhere.
In an area where there were gangs, high crime etc I’d have wanted him home after school and only out if he was going somewhere safe eg cinema.

My ds year 8 would stay at he park till 7 ish some nights. Not been anywhere in year 9 except school.

Ds is 15, allowed to a friend's until maybe 10pm. We live very near a park he likes to go to with friends but he has to be home within about 15 minutes of darkness, winter or summer.

I think hanging round on the street in the dark as groups of teens looks dodgy. Whether it is actually dodgy (that group at that moment) or not. It could feel quite intimidating if you are a lone young man/woman having to walk past to get into a shop or wait for a bus.

Kids stood round in the street have (imo) more potential to become bored or feel pushed by the group to do things they don't feel comfortable - "dare you to go bang on those front doors", "dare you to chuck this rock as hard as you can over that house" etc. Plus the possibility that they may be approached by someone who poses a risk.

There's fewer opportunities for misdemeanour indoors. 13/14 yos generally aren't known for their lateral or mature thinking, being, you know, 13 and 14.

Our local parks all lock their gates at sundown, so this could be as early as 4.30pm in midwinter or as late as 9.30pm midsummer so there's no hanging around the park after dark.

Well mine are 22 and 25 now. Yr 9 was 14ish. They never went out in the evenings to just hang around. Monday to Thursday they had homework and school the next morning. They also had things like sports practice, drama club, music lessons and were collected from them. At 14 dd still went to Guides.

On a Friday or Saturday evening there may have been a party at the house of a school friend and from which they were collected. I don't think the occasional trip for a pizza or to the cinema started until they were about 15/16. They were pretty street wise London children with good social lives.

None of their friends hung around parks or were "out" until 9pm on school nights . Neither do I remember being allowed to just hang about until 9pm on school nights.

OP does your dd not have homework to do? Mine had about 1.5 hrs in y9.

Mine (years 10 and 12) don't do it at all. We're in a nice, quiet small market town with a big drug problem (county lines). I'm not aware of any of their friends, or my friends DC doing it either and you don't generally see many teens hanging about after dark (although there are more at the moment because they can't go in each others houses but it tends to be the older ones, say 16+).

My daughter is in year 9. She doesn’t hang around the streets or the local park after dark.
If it’s light out she likes to walk round with her friend, We live in a nice area but the local park seems to attract the kids who like smoking and underage drinking.

@Clymene

I mean what are your year 9s doing in the park at night *@evenmoreforthemoor*? Playing on the swings? Discussing Plato?

The reality of it is - none of us know what our children are doing when they're not with us.

Trying to mitigate risk by not letting them in a park after dark is fine if your park is dangerous or you don't trust your child.

Personally I'm happy with them being at the park, playing on the swings and getting fresh air where we live.I know all her friends and am friends with most of their parents.

I don't know what they talk about there. I also don't know what they talk about online or when they are at each others houses. I don't feel it's any of my business. I'm just here if she needs to talk to me about anything, which she does quite regularly.

There comes a point where we don't know what our children are doing and we have to hope that the years of slog we put in when they were little to make them good humans along with continued good communication and kindness keeps them on the right path.

@FollowThatStarTonight

I don't know whether it's typical or not but no, my DC won't be hanging about parks until 9pm at any age.

Same. Where I am, the only ones who do are the ones who no one really cares where they are. Teens here go and do stuff - each other's houses, cinemas, shopping, food etc - well pre Covid anyway. I'm not trying to be controversial or say if your teens hang out in parks then you don't care where they are, just that's how it is in my area.

@RosesAndHellebores

Well mine are 22 and 25 now. Yr 9 was 14ish. They never went out in the evenings to just hang around. Monday to Thursday they had homework and school the next morning. They also had things like sports practice, drama club, music lessons and were collected from them. At 14 dd still went to Guides.

On a Friday or Saturday evening there may have been a party at the house of a school friend and from which they were collected. I don't think the occasional trip for a pizza or to the cinema started until they were about 15/16. They were pretty street wise London children with good social lives.

None of their friends hung around parks or were "out" until 9pm on school nights . Neither do I remember being allowed to just hang about until 9pm on school nights.

OP does your dd not have homework to do? Mine had about 1.5 hrs in y9.

Yep she does her homework, without being asked. she doesn't go out every night by any means and she is on track for 8s and 9s at GCSE. She is popular and well liked by staff and teachers, her friends are all similarly really good kids. There's a big group of them who are all very supportive of each other and although they don't talk about Plato as a PP poster suggested they might, she has come back and told me of some awesome conversations they have had about things which affect their lives. I love hearing about their views on things and seeing them blossom into awesome young humans. I'm sure sometimes also they are plonkers, one of her friends fell into a small stream and I had to pick her up soaking wet. Good memories to laugh at in future years and good learning moments too!

She also plays netball for the school so trains for that twice a week when life is normal.

London is VERY different to here. I grew up there (and was a loiterer as I already said!) it's the reason that my parents moved here, in year 10 to allow me to loiter somewhere safe.

OP you could be me writing your posts. I too have a DD in year 9. She is an only DD and she has been doing home schooling on a three weekly rota because of staffing in her school. I have been letting her go out and meet friends in the park or go for a walk until 9pm, otherwise she wouldn't see anyone outside of me and her dad for a week at a time. Like your DD, she is achieving well at school, well behaved, polite etc. I have no doubt when she goes out she swears and is probably louder than she is at home but the park in our town isn't close to houses so I'm not worried they are disturbing anyone. She was hanging out at the skate park, watching the boys do tricks on their scooters and trying to perfect her own skateboard skills. I would rather that than her be sat in at home on her own staring at a screen. Sometimes they just take her friend's dog for a walk around the town with no particular destination in mind.

When the clocks changed and it was going dark earlier, I must admit, I clutched my pearls and said "But it's dark!" But when DD asked me what the issue was, I couldn't actually answer her besides it being dark! Don't get me wrong, in these cold and wet conditions they would love to be in someone's house hanging out there or going to the cinema etc instead but we're tier 3 and that isn't allowed so outdoors it has to be!

Unless at a specified place eg organised activity or friends house they had to be home by tea time (6pm) or when it gets dark, whichever the earlier. They are grown now but dd1 never went to the park and dd2 only occasionally so not a common problem

Ps even as young adults they wouldn't dream of "hanging out" outside, they go to places, the park (and streets) are for exercise only

My DS could be in the park as he'll be playing football but home by 6pm at the latest.
I'd let him stay out later in the summer when it's not so dark

@evenmoreforthemoor

In cities they often lock parks remember. My dd is really into fitness so uses the park, she'll walk the dog late evening too but hanging out is done in coffee shops, pubs (from way too young!) the shopping mall etc. She goes out with her friend even now, 30 mile cycle rides and they take a picnic, they are both being very sensible during covid.

In this nice rural market town the smell of weed emanating from groups of teenagers sitting in the park after dark - some clearly under 15 - is enough to knock you over. At least now I’m retired from teaching I don’t personally know them.
I assume the non-smokers are elsewhere, indoors at home or round their friends’ houses.

From dealing with pastoral incidents at school, the things that happen when hanging around at the park seem to be... Fights, smoking, smoking weed, drinking.

@SleeplessWB

From dealing with pastoral incidents at school, the things that happen when hanging around at the park seem to be... Fights, smoking, smoking weed, drinking.

I doubt you get many pastoral incidences where you have to deal with the chatting, skateboarding and playing on the swings.

Honestly the assumption that all young people in a park after sundown must be up to something BAD on this thread is sad! Particularly when it comes from school staff themselves.

I doubt you get many pastoral incidences where you have to deal with the chatting, skateboarding and playing on the swings

I think you are an incredibly naive parent.

@Itstheprinciple

OP you could be me writing your posts. I too have a DD in year 9. She is an only DD and she has been doing home schooling on a three weekly rota because of staffing in her school. I have been letting her go out and meet friends in the park or go for a walk until 9pm, otherwise she wouldn't see anyone outside of me and her dad for a week at a time. Like your DD, she is achieving well at school, well behaved, polite etc. I have no doubt when she goes out she swears and is probably louder than she is at home but the park in our town isn't close to houses so I'm not worried they are disturbing anyone. She was hanging out at the skate park, watching the boys do tricks on their scooters and trying to perfect her own skateboard skills. I would rather that than her be sat in at home on her own staring at a screen. Sometimes they just take her friend's dog for a walk around the town with no particular destination in mind.

When the clocks changed and it was going dark earlier, I must admit, I clutched my pearls and said "But it's dark!" But when DD asked me what the issue was, I couldn't actually answer her besides it being dark! Don't get me wrong, in these cold and wet conditions they would love to be in someone's house hanging out there or going to the cinema etc instead but we're tier 3 and that isn't allowed so outdoors it has to be!

SO similar!

Even down to the clutching of pearls before her first trip to the park after dark. But like you I couldn't find a reason not to let her. The things other poster seem afraid of - anti social behaviour/drugs etc in this town take place 'elsewhere' in town, where she's not allowed to go.

And SO much better than being online or having to partake in some kind of capitalist dream of childhood like a mall/cinema/cafe - good organised fun. Childhood is about being outdoors, being bored, making your own fun.