If a child has a “fear” of apples would it be cured if he was made to touch one every day (using bribery as the method)

[Ninbus]

My child hates apples. Particularly cut ones where you can see the juice. He is 8. He won’t go anywhere near someone eating one. He refuses to eat something if it’s chopped with the same knife etc. This has gone on for many years. Although I have a feeling that at school he must put up with people eating apples near him at break time etc. But at home he makes a big drama out of it. We take the ignoring it approach as much as possible. We still eat apples. They sit in the fruit bowl which he walks past. but we do meet his requests not to sit next to him on the sofa for instance if we are eating apples.
Interestingly he will drink apple juice - and likes it.
Anyway. I was wondering about telling him if he touches an apple or perhaps eats a small part every day he can have a bit of chocolate after. I am thinking after a few weeks he would be over it. Does anyone think this is a good idea ??

Is this is only issue with something mundane? If so, I'd just ignore it and it will probably go away. Unless it's severely impacting his life.
If not, there may be something else going on and pushing it may cause distress and make him worse.

It doesn’t cause any major issues. He is actually the same with bananas but seems to come against them less often.

He is a generally anxious worrier type. But is a bit better at the moment generally. I just thought it would be nice for him to not have this fear any more if we could conquer it

Is anywhere still selling advent calendars? Or maybe one celebration or similar.

My child was dog phobic. Her treatment involved a fruit pastille every time we walked past a dog not on a lead and she walked sensibly without hiding behind an adult or trying to climb us.
What behaviour do you want to see from your son around apples? Be specific. Is it for him to tolerate you eating one? Think about the end, how will you know when to stop?

I suppose I just want him to sit next to a child eating an apple without feeling sick. I did persuade him to eat an apple a couple of years ago with the promise that you never know you might like it. He was brave, ate it, thought it was “ok” but never ate another and slowly regressed back to where we are now

Yup! Do it

I have a phobia of something and have wondered if a similar approach could work. It’s essentially exposure therapy, I guess. Maybe read around that and see what you can glean? It might be a case of showing him pictures or images at first and then building up to being in same room but at a distance, etc. I’m guessing here but I can imagine this would be how it would work. There might also be something in attempting to generate neutral or positive feelings at the same time of the exposure. Usually things like this take repeated exposure over a long term.

Well yes probably. Once hes built up touching a whole one, touch a cut up one.

Then hold it for 5 minutes

Then take a bite etc. Build him up bit by bit

My Dd is the same over blue tac. We have not made a big deal out of it and kept blue tac around ( but told her brother not to chase her around the house with it 🙄). The other day she told me she touched it in school and was fine so hopefully she's growing out of it.

Thanks for your replies. It just occurred to me that at this age he is easily bribed with a bit of chocolate or a cake. In a few years he will prob not be as he can go and buy his own.
Maybe I could promise a cake at the end of the first week perhaps. Rather than a choc every time

Redwinestillfine it’s is difficult to know if it’s better to push these things or not isn’t it. It just suddenly occurred to me that perhaps I should do something rather than a wait and see approach

As he likes drinking apple juice, could you interest him in making his own apple juice? Get a presser (can you buy little home versions of those?) and let him go to town on squishing the apples?

Yes I could prob try that. Will just go and see how expensive they are

I'm needle phobic but have to have regular injections. I am so much better at injections now until the last one. Due to COVID every time I go to the Drs the rules are different, this time they had changed again and they made me wait a while despite being the first patient of the day, which ramped up my anxiety.

I guess what I'm saying is I don't think exposure necessarily works on its own. So for example he may get happy to touch an apple voluntarily in your house, but will he still be OK if someone at school is eating one and the juice gets on him? Possibly not because he wouldn't be in control.

It sounds like a good plan. I've just done a workshop for kids' anxieties based around this book book which was really helpful. You create a step plan with your kid with rewards for each step. It was really helpful.

Thank you. Question is do I do bananas simultaneously? Or leave that for another day? The funny thing is that I kind of understand the banana one! They do have a funny texture and it is a more common dislike for people.

Does this actually bother him or does it just bother you? Because I wouldn’t try this unless he’s upset about it and wants to try and change.

My DS also has a very random fear and he can’t avoid the thing he is afraid of, especially at school, but the teachers have always helped him every time he’s encountered it and he’s much better now. If we’d forced it though, I think he’d be even more anxious.

It does bother him a bit I think. But perhaps he enjoys the drama or demanding his brother doesn’t come anywhere near him when he has an apple! He is very sensitive around food to be honest. If another child at school has mess around their mouth after eating, he feels sick and can’t finish his lunch. I can tell things like this make him feel genuinely sick. So I know he has a lot of sensitivities like this. Although at dinner time he is pretty good at eating whatever I give him and will pick around onions for instance if they are in the meal. He doesn’t like them but gets on with them being in the dinner.
I think at school he would be embarrassed to make a fuss so if a friend has an apple he probably suppresses his fear. Which I thought would help him

With any phobia it can help a child to go to 'the edge of their fear'. I.e. do something that makes them feel somewhat uncomfortable but not so terrified they go into fight or flight mode. They also need to be in control - so being forced to touch an apple when they're terrified will intensify the fear as they'll remember it as a horrible, terrifying experience. However being encouraged to come as close to the apple as they can may help them challenge the fear or feel confident they can overcome it.

Please don't try and cure a phobia without doing a lot of research first. Exposure therapy works, and it works well if carried out correctly. Do some good research about how and when to gradually increase the exposure, how to get him to rate his anxiety on a scale. If done incorrectly, you'll do more harm than good.

This sounds like a genuine phobia. He's not doing it for the attention

I had pretty good results with a hypnotherapy plus exposure approach for arachnophobia run by London Zoo. The key i think was being in a relaxed state, then having very gradual exposure that increased at the pace I was setting. Given that it was only two or three hours in total it helped me a lot. I still don't love them and may squeal if one sneaks up on my, but the instinctive fear response is greatly diminished.

With your son I wonder if some relaxation exercises combined with very gradual exposure would work. Ideally he would stop associating apple's with a physical reaction (fear, nausea) over a period of time. If he still feels anxious or nauseous but ignores that feeling to get his reward then he won't break the association.

Whatever you do, don't 'surprise' him or take control away from him. It will just cement the negative association in his mind.

Thanks squishsquashsqueeze I know it probably is a genuine phobia. Make me a bit sad for him

Thank you doublehelix so slowly is the key

It’s difficult to know if it’s worth the risk of making it worse really. I wouldn’t want to do that

It does sound like a phobia, and I am wondering if it is worth trying to get him over it. He may grow out of it, and he may not, but disliking apples isn't going to cause him many problems.
I would just accept that he doesn't like them, and either stop buying them, or store them somewhere out of his sight.

I think encouraging bravery and independence around other things is a good start, to get him used to being and wanting to be someone who 'tries' things, if you don't want to go straight in with the apple thing.