What would you think about this 9 year old child if I told you the following?

[Nosuchthingastoomuchcheese]

Favourite type of humour is slapstick.
Doesn't really understand irony or subtle humour.
Quite routine driven but copes with change
Love and are excellent at maths and building stuff
Perfectionist, very hard on themselves. Has very occasionally hit themselves in the head, cried and said they are stupid.
Sometimes unsure how to be in a social situation or what to say and can come across as rude, also used to be very shy
Quite sensory about certain fabrics, loud noises, certain foods.
Amazing memory
Very sporty, excellent at almost all sports
Has friends and well liked in their class and makes their friends laugh.
Can make eye contact
Can be very chatty but likes to talk about things that are of interest to them
Gets engrossed and slightly fixated on things.
Struggles to talk about feelings, emotions, struggles to express an opinion.
Hates losing but this is much improved!

Would you think this child might be on the autistic spectrum?
The autistic type behaviours are generally very mild.
If these do sound autistic what should be done about it? Nothing presents a problem, just his little quirks!

If your ever at a loose end @Rupupupum do an AMA.

You might be better posting on the SEN boards OP then you wouldn't get such crass comments as, "Aren't we all on the spectrum?"

And for what it's worth as PP above said you do describe some potential red flags for autism. My son is autistic and as a child showed many of the behaviours you describe in your son.

Autism is a spectrum condition and no two children will present exactly the same.

the-art-of-autism.com/understanding-the-spectrum-a-comic-strip-explanation/

neuroclastic.com/2019/05/04/its-a-spectrum-doesnt-mean-what-you-think/

He sounds like a normal typical 9year old. I have 3 boys, the only worrying thing is that he has hit himself and said he was stupid. Sounds like loads of praise is in order, and definitely no pushing on the home schooling. I noticed my 7 year old did this when i was home schooling. 1 hour schooling your child is worth 3 at school, so make sure you go easy and don't feel you have to do everything they send you. I know you mentioned contacting the school SEN, I'm not sure why you would. I feel you seem keen to have him diagnosed with something (apologies for being blunt). He's fine, he sounds amazing, you sound like a good kind mum.

5zeds we could start with the fact that a meltdown is not a tantrum ergo it’s not some sort of usual but sustained behaviour.

My ds sounds the similar your ds in many ways and was diagnosed with autism at 4 years old. However, while he manages friendships / school it is much harder for him that a NT boy. It sounds like your son is managing fine :).

Just to clarify some of the misconceptions on the thread, we are not all on the spectrum and there isn't really such a thing as mild autism but some people with autism impairments are less obvious to NT people or they are better at masking them.

All those things can be true and still be on the spectrum. I take it you’re not a doctor.

Sorry that was for the person who said because child is popular etc it can’t be autism

@Gilead we could start with the fact that a meltdown is not a tantrum ergo it’s not some sort of usual but sustained behaviour. so is your position that only autistic people have “meltdowns” and that they are never seen in the nt population?

Just to be transparent my experience of autism is not professional, and my intent is not to undermine your thinking but rather to understand it.

Yes, that is my position. I am not saying though that an autistic child does not however, have tantrums. They are different things and meltdowns can be varied in appearance. A meltdown is not about losing your temper or not getting your own way.

Please excuse lack of paragraphs. I’m awfully tired! Will pop back to the thread tomorrow.

Why does he hit himself nd call himself stupid? I'd be concerned about that. The other behaviours listed describe a child who could be on the spectrum, or a child who isn't. I have three boys with asd, one of them is highly achieving academically, but still profoundly affected.
I would ask the GP for a referral for assessment, but go with a much clearer list of reasons than those you have listed, and examples in daily life.

It’s ok @Gilead paragraphs are less important than content.

I think a temper tantrum is very different from being overwhelmed by stress or anxiety but I don’t think either are unique to autistic or nt people. The triggers may be different but the reactions I would say are human.

@Nosuchthingastoomuchcheese
He sounds lovely and good fun too!

If you said these things to me I would think that you as a mum were worried about autism. And I would think he might have some autistic traits but sounds unlikely overall to meet criteria for an autism diagnosis from what you have said. But I am not an expert! If he is managing well socially and academically and in sports etc, then I’m not sure I’d personally pursue an assessment. The only caveat to that is to say that it is much more difficult and expensive to get a diagnosis as an adult.

My autistic 10 year old ticks everything on your list bar being sporty. Doesn't mean your child is autistic or that mine isn't.

Thank you. I said about SENCO because that was suggested on the thread? Several times!
Sorry if I've said anything to offend anyone. Its certainly been very interesting!

I dont think I'm going to do anything as I'm not concerned that anything he does or how he behaves is causing an issue. Tbh if I think about one of the only things I worry about is he doesnt talk about feelings or emotions much? Or hardly at all? Very typically male refusal to talk about anything like that.
When the teacher said about the rudeness he was so so upset. Broke his heart. Adamant he'd done the thing he was being told off for. Was so upset but wouldnt be hugged. I definitely ask for hugs too much and he isnt very huggy!!
My teenager daughter though is very affectionate!

Just random musings really. Thank you everyone. Has been really helpful.

Oh and the hitting himself in the head thinking about it. That was during lockdown and happened twice I think. He coped brilliantly during lockdown. But missed his friends and school and the lack of routine. Fingers crossed havent been any homeschooling since he went back in September.

He really struggled with the English work without the teachers input. School were pretty useless. Just sent worksheets on email.

DS has a diagnosis of High Functioning Autism (would have been Aspergers). He can mask and superficially function normally much of the time... except when he doesn't.

The descriptions that OP gives sound very familiar. Where I sought investigation and diagnosis was that DS had always had intense meltdowns, mistaken from 10m to 5 as a never-ending terrible 2s. He settled at 6, then at 7 while struggling with SATs (and undiagnosed dyslexia and dyspraxia) had a massive surge in meltdowns peaking with rages that would go on for 3-4 hours.
He's brilliant at school, but I get the emotional release of all that. This week (penultimate week of term, always a tough one) he was trying to headbutt the brick wall of the school building because he left his water bottle inside. He can't cope with walking back in saying "excuse me miss, I forgot my bottle"
It's the intensity of his emotional release that is an impairment.

We do plan life around managing triggers, avoiding changes of plan, being careful about how plans are expressed to avoid disappointment, giving buffers of time for transitions, making sure he's well fed and watered before requiring action, recognising that his coping abilities vary.

He also had a history of speech delay. Long running history of sensory issues- can't cope with trousers, school jumpers. Only wears fluffy jumpers. Having to wear trousers for specific reasons is a major issue to him.

I would have said that he makes eye contact until the diagnosis appointment when it was pointed out that he looks at me while clearly talking to a third party. I've noticed it since.

I have a very intelligent child (with some very detailed specialist areas of interest) who is funny, has a best friend, is well-liked, has empathy (but can mis-fire or be dominated by the filter of his experience) but is frequently overwhelmed by the world and reacts differently at an individual or situational level according to how secure he feels.