You know you're a mother when...

You know you are a mother when:

You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they are equal.

You plot to get even with the kid who broke your child's toy and made him cry.

You can remove chewing gum from just about anything.

You hide in the bathroom to be alone.

Someone else's kid throws up at a party, and you can keep eating.

You believe finger paints should be a controlled substance.

You read "Once Upon A Potty" out loud in a crowded waiting room.

You hope ketchup is a vegetable, since it's the only one your child eats.

You tell your child that TOYS R US is a toy museum, not a store.

You find yourself cutting all sandwiches into unusual shapes.

You fast-forward the VCR through the scene where Bambi's mother gets killed.

You become a member of three aquariums because your kid loves sharks.

You obsess when your child clings to you during the first week of school.

You obsess again as they skip away without looking back the second week.

You can't bear to give away baby clothes.

You hear your mom's voice coming out of your mouth: "Not in your good clothes."

You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.

You donate to charity in the hope that your child won't get that disease.

You feel your kid is above average.

You hire a sitter; go out with hubbie; then spend half the night phoning home.