Name changed for this
I am lying awake having a bit of a pity party, please pull up a chair and join this Sally No Mates.
The whole pandemic situation has highlighted how little I matter to others.
It dawned on me a few weeks back that it was always me getting in touch with others, so I left it to see what happened.
Nobody has texted , called or suggested a walk etc. Its been like this since March. Even the person I considered a close friend is clearly not interested.
I just feel like such a loser. Dh is going for a walk with his friend today and his phone is constantly pinging messages.
The thing is I have always got the friend thing wrong somehow. I moved alot as a child and went to numerous schools so never had longterm friendships until adulthood. But I just seem to get it wrong. I have been thinking about it for months and I feel like I do the right things;. I dont slag people off, I dont go on about stuff and stay in touch. Just try to be a good friend , but its rarely reciprocated.
Example, I have a small group of friends from uni I am the eldest by a few months.. My 40tb came and went , we all went for dinner to celebrate that I arranged but there was no additional effort made. 5 months later it was someone else's 40th and a whatsappgtpip was set up to organise a gift and night out. 
I look back and it's always been like that. I am just never quite in the group. I always seem to be the one doing more for others.am I alone in this ?
It's like theres an invisible set of rules I dont know about.
The other example was a group we met when the DCs were tiny, there were 4 families and to start with it was good. But then a few of them became toxic , lots of backstabbing etc. DH and I stepped away a bit but stayed in touch.ijust didnt want to be sat listening to X slagging off Y or vice versa.. there was no drama or argument, we just didn't take part in the bitchfest and tried to be neutral when comments were made. Then I realised we were being squeezed out , no longer invited to events etc. Fast forward 15 years and they are all still friends , all over SM at parties etc. I dont get it because even now , if I were to bump into one of them the other would make a sly dig about the other even when they're all over FB hugging each other etc. 
Every job I have been at I have felt the outsider. I leave and dont stay in touch like others seem to.
The common denominator is me, I know that. 
Anyone other Sally No Mates out there ?