Most irritating inanimate objects

[StealthPolarBear]

I nominate the little plastic collar that goes round the lid of shop-bought houmous. It has a perforated 'tag' so you can unzip it, but the tag only works part way down, and then breaks off. I then end up creating two or three circles of plastic and attacking it with scissors.

Cling film drives me potty.

The little plastic/foil seals on milk bottles.

Fucking fucking bacon packets where the 'lid' doesn't peel off where its supposed to, so you have to use a knife to get into it

Coat hangers - they conspire against me most mornings.

The BEEP on my washing machine.

Yes, I know you've finished your dryer cycle. Good for you! It's 3am. Shut the fuck up and stop beeping every 60 seconds.

OK yes to all of these. Maybe I'm not as laid back and calm as I like to think.
Bacon one very familiar - it even has a little bit to pull, which usually comes off in my hand. I end up using a knife but can only ever find a butter knife so often end up stabbing and yanking with a fork.

Worse than the foil tops of milk bottles is the ones on Lactofree cartons - they are plastic with a little ring you have to pull. They are so strong that I have to use a spoon to be able to pull it or I would slice the top of my finger off

Anything (and everything) that comes in a plastic protector that is crimped around the sides, so scissors, bulbs (light, not garden) etc. Even with scissors they are bloody impossible to get into.

Stupid ribbon loops on clothing. I cut them out immediately. They are so pointless and spend all their time protruding out of my neckline.

Door handles. The fuckers reach out and snare my sleeves every time I walk past.

The bastard packets that new toothbrushes come in

Have to scissor them off giving yourself blisters as they are so tough

Then the plastic is as sharp as a Damascus sword

My dash cam says, in a really effen nasal voice, "Thank you for your safe driving".

Which is annoying in itself, but it says it on power up, BEFORE I've bloody driven. All the ughs and .

And there's no ficking volume control.

I naminate the tags that hold toys into their boxes. My daughter was given a Sofia the first doll for her 4th birthday last month and it took us 15 mins to get it out of the packaging. Not only did it have the tags and zip cables the wonderful company involved had got some poor soul on minimum wage to sewing machine it's hair to a piece of paper... Grrrrrrr

All cold meat and bacon packets. I shout in frustration every time.

Oh yes "L-shaped" door handles grab you every time you walk past, particularly when you are in a hurry.

My BLOODY Laptop power lead. Heavy bulky connection plug in the middle of lead- always traps under something- connector which is magnetic slips out just looking at it - never mind touching or nudging it by accident

Instant RAGE - every time it slips out and then I have to chase/unhook and detangle the thing before plugging back in

HATE IT....Rant done

Sword of Damascus

Any lid which requires gripping and turning at the same time, or pushing down and turning, or pulling up and turning, or anything except just plain fucking turning. My lady hands don't even try now - they just wave a white flag and retire with the smelling salts while my manly husband deals with them

DP would nominate the living room light fitting in my old living room before we moved house. I’m 5’6”, so I’d hung the fitting so that the lowest point of the pendant base was approximately 5’9” from the ground. He’s 5’10”. Doink.

I’d nominate earphones. I carefully wrap them up and put them back in their little pocket after each use and still they come back out of my handbag like a heap of tangled spaghetti.

My microwave is an obnoxious twat. It just sits and beeps at me until I open the door - I heard you the the first time you dick!

Garlic presses. They ignore the basic laws of physics and create matter. There is definitely more stuff left inside after crushing a clove of garlic than you originally put in.

My colleague.

@ChaosTrulyReigns

My dash cam says, in a really effen nasal voice, "Thank you for your safe driving".

Which is annoying in itself, but it says it on power up, BEFORE I've bloody driven. All the ughs and .

And there's no ficking volume control.

How very passive aggressive!

I've remembered another I noticed the other day, on the tesco self scan tills.
YOUR PAYMENT HAS BEEN ACCEPTED.

not looking forward to the day I get
YOUR PAYMENT HAS BEEN DECLINED. DID SOMEONE FORGET TO PAY THE CREDIT CARD BILL, HMMM?
blasted round the shop

The timer on my washing machine. It lies. 5 minutes remaining does not mean 5 minutes remaining, they must have thier own time zone.

Our Sky remote control that doesn't have proper buttons for playing/pausing and rewinding/fast forwarding. It's meant to just sense where your finger is, but ours just does what the hell it likes. Sometimes it'll be on the other side of the room with no one touching it, and it'll start rewinding randomly.

Honourary mention to my Samsung phone keyboard where the "m" is next to the delete button. Every time I go to press the m, I press delete instead, and lose a letter of the last word. Complete jibberish ensues.

There is still no deeper hell than a dozen self-service checkouts at M&S chirping ‘Have you scanned your Sparks card?’ all slightly out of sync with each other.

Glass bottles of foundation. After you've used up less than half, nothing comes out however hard you pump so end up having to break the lid off.