Most irritating inanimate objects

[StealthPolarBear]

I nominate the little plastic collar that goes round the lid of shop-bought houmous. It has a perforated 'tag' so you can unzip it, but the tag only works part way down, and then breaks off. I then end up creating two or three circles of plastic and attacking it with scissors.

Coffee tables....the enemy of my feet

@squashyhat oh god yes, the child lock lid things

Absolutely impenetrable

Also the end of cleaning detergents which you turn to spray- 100% of the time it doesn't work and requires 50 configurations in order for the liquid to be released

Baby wipes (mostly ones without plastic lids) when you need to clean your toddlers bottom and try to take a few out quickly, but you have to hurry because toddlers got shit all over and his about to get up, but you end up pulling the whole 56 sheets instead of one or you manage to pull out one but can't get the next one consistently or even sometimes it's far too consistent like a toilet roll rolling on the floor and you can't rip it off. I've tried many makes and can't find the ONE.

Ringpulls on cans of pulses, tomatoes etc. ALWAYS break off, and then the cans prove oddly resistant to opening with a can-opener.

The drawers on my freezer.

"OH so you want ice cubes do you? Well I'm afraid I can't help you there, lady. Because despite the fact you defrosted me last fucking week, I've got an iceberg big enough to sink an oceanliner gumming up the works again and I am not going to open."

..."You broke me, I bloody warned you."

NastyBlouse

I can identify and my blood pressure is going up just thinking about it !

The smug cow who announces 'UNEXPECTED ITEM IN BAGGING AREA'

GGGRRRRRR.....What the hell ARE they expecting when shopping is being done? A bloody Racoon? A Litre of Blood? Christ..........

The new sky Q remote. None of the buttons are where they should be.

Claricethecat- My local Morrisons has the most passive aggressive self checkouts. Instead of 'unexpected item' (which I can sort of understand) they say 'Surprising item in the bagging area'. Why is it surprised? It always seems a bit sarcastic to me, like it really means 'Look you silly cow, you've put something stupid on the checkout again, what a surprise'. Invariably this trigger the red light to call an assistant, like the school bully calling all the other kids over to see how stupid you've been.

If I ever develop dementia (god forbid, I know how awful it is) I am pretty sure one of the first signs will be that I start back chatting the self service area- probably including mocking it for not being allowed to have alcohol without assistance.

The passive aggressive sarcasm is then completed with 'Please take your shopping' (ie. you're so thick, if I don't spell it out you'll forget that the whole point of being here is to take the items you bought with you')

I've just realised I have an unnecessary amount of anger about this

Tetra packs

They hate me

The lid off the milk. Can I ever put it back on without dropping it on the floor? Can I feck. Ever. Dam. Time. Gives me the rage but is probably more to do with my fine motor skills

I was going to nominate door candles but they already have been so I’ll go with parking sensors that beep like mad whenever you get within 20 feet of an object. Not useful when you’re trying to squeeze down a country lane past a lorry 🙈

Oooh and the washing machine which bleeps until you open it when it's finished. I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME. it's the sound track to me breastfeeding DD

Saucepan lids with a little blowhole so you can burn yourself with steam if you reach across.

The single stud Lego bricks that are the exact same colour as the floor. Many a foot has fallen victim to those little fuckers.

Printers.

I've built my own computers, I taught myself coding, I'm a clichéd geek, but I still cannot get printers to work properly!

Those pump action soap bottles that you have to ‘unwind’ in a certain direction until they pop up and allow you to actually pump

I've got one of those soap bottles that is stuck!

Folding chairs, tables, deck-chairs, ironing boards, drying racks. They all collapse on me. I just don't have the knack.

The plastic packaging around scissors that you need scissors to cut off. If I had scissors to cut it off I wouldn't be buying them.

And the washing machine with its singing at the end of its cycle

Those loops in tops. I hate the fuckers. Cut them out asap.

My washing machine which never ever starts when I press the start button and instead just stands there doing nothing until I press it again a few more times in a certain way (a way which changes every time). I hate that fucker so much. Its mate, the tumble dryer, has a similar thing it does. I honestly think the two of them are conspiring against me. I hate them. Oh, and the microwave when it has finished heating something up beeps at me in a menacing annoying way which gets me so annoyed. It sounds like it is pissed off that I'm not stood by the door watching the food and ready to get the food out the second it is hot enough. If I go into another room it goes into meltdown with its bloody beeping. It's such a needy twat.

Yes our washing machine and dryer has the 'button that's only sometimes a button' thing. I long for the days when buttons pushed in and pressed out and there was no doubt that you'd done it (or not)

F**king coat hangers. Let's attach to every bastard thing to avoid removal from the rail. Cause me to fume!

My Henry hoover and his smug face give me the rage.

That horrendous little fucker Henry. Bites at your ankles, falls on his side if you as much as look at him, and trips you up all while grinning inanely. I hate him..

Another one for the microwave that beeps when it's finished. Well done you, my dinner's ready. I'm on the other side of the house trying to wrangle the toddler. STFU.