So I’m pissed off at my fiancé right now and just need to vent. We’re both in our early 30’s, engaged 5 years and no plans for wedding yet as we never seem to have enough money. I’m studying full time and working 3 days per week while he works full time in a low paid job. I seem to be the breadwinner and resent this if I’m honest (although I know that’s not right of me)
Basically I am pissed off with him and really upset because it’s his birthday today and I worked so hard to make it a special day despite lockdown but he doesn’t appreciate it.
Example 1. I planned to take the day off today and go for a nice walk somewhere outside our normal area in London. I told him this weeks before and when he got up this morning he was just so unenthusiastic and wanted to go to the local park down the road as we do most weekends. I know he should be able to do what he likes on his birthday but this just bothered me as I just really wanted a change of scenery and for us to do something different together that lasted longer than the usual short stroll around our neighborhood.
Example 2. He agrees to a different park (woohoo) We get to the park in a different area of London (dulwich to be exact) and I think it’s so lovely that I can’t help commenting on all the loveliness everywhere. He barely responds and seems uninterested in anything I say, fair enough maybe I do talk too much sometimes.
Example 3. He finally talks.. saying that his mother sent him 1k for his birthday. I say wow that he should really try and put that into a savings account, she gives him money like this maybe 2-3 times per year and I added that if he saved that money each time, he’d be in a position to buy a house by now. (Bare in mind, he earns just above min wage and any small savings we have is mostly from my part time earnings) he was offended by this and said that i am very negative and ungrateful. Not the case. I know his mother sending this money is hard for her, she is very much a working class woman who is sending this money from her retirement/ carer earnings (she cares for her disabled brother full time and also has a slow progressing type of cancer which is incurable) I just think that he should save it if he takes it all(I wouldn’t even accept it if it were my mother).
Example 4. I had bought ‘sexy underwear’ for his birthday but got a bit insecure about wearing it (basically because we haven’t had sex in a month and when I’ve wore stuff like this before, his reactions aren’t always what I expect). I went in to the living room to show him what I bought and he sort of laughed awkwardly. I said out of embarrassment that I didn’t think I was in the mood today as I stayed up until 2am studying but let’s see how I feel later (not the best pick up line but I was awkward because of his reaction)
Example 5. I had planned for a few of his friends to join us on FaceTime for birthday drinks which which went well and we enjoyed it, 2 hours in, they asked him to play on his computer games as they always do. He asked me if this was alright and j just snapped, I couldn’t believe it, I’m there trying to make a nice intimate day for him and this is what he wants. He plays on computer games at least 5 nights a week and sometimes during the day as he furloughed at the moment. We had a fight after the call with our friends as I couldn’t believe this is what he wanted to do and now i am in bed crying and he is playing his games in the other room. Can I just explain that I am not a clingy person, he plays games most nights as I said and I take one day off a week from studying/ working. Today was that one day off until next weekend. I have lots of friends whom I meet when lockdown permits. I do yoga and exercise classes 3 times per week online, study most evenings so really we only spend time together maybe one day on my day off and I’d say 1-2 evenings per week. I just feel so lonely and unwanted right now that he wants to spend his birthday just like any other evening with his friends online. I feel more emotional than usual because I’m stressed with uni work and I thought that maybe he’d understand me being a little more emotional than usual today and that maybe he’d appreciate me making an effort today on his birthday but no. Apparently I’m controlling and clingy. I just don’t know why I’m with him anymore, I’m in too deep, we’re together since I was 18. If anything he drags me down, he’s unambitious, a bit simple minded and lazy. If I left him, I would be so lost. I wish he’d just make more effort to maintain a healthy loving relationship instead of letting things get like this. We could be amazing together if he put in as much effort as I do. I’d like to maybe have children in a few years and he has said he would like to also. I just can’t see him with children, he’s forgotten to feed and walk our dog multiple times, I wouldn’t trust him to pull his weight equally.