When you think you're on mute, but you're not...

[HavelockVetinari]

Fucksticks

I was on a Microsoft Teams call this morning - if you're not familiar with this app, a key feature is that when a person is speaking their name or picture will be kind of highlighted on the screen so you can tell who's saying what.

I've had a bit of tummy trouble recently, resulting in a lot of wind. During this morning's meeting I needed to fart, so since I was on mute, I let rip with a MASSIVE one, I swear planes passing overhead felt the turbulence.

Reader, I was not on mute. The whole fucking meeting paused, a couple of people clearly got the giggles and turned off their camera/mic, and the others stared in appalled silence before carrying on as though nothing had happened. I was (and am) horrified, I have to work with these people, I need them to respect me, not think about me breaking wind. Argh!

My Friday top tip to all of you - CHECK YOUR MUTE BUTTON!

On a conference call with a colleague who, since March, has grown a fetching big white beard.

My 3 year old wanders in, spots him on camera and is very excited I'm chatting to Santa. My colleague, bless him, went along with it and asked him what he wanted for Christmas, said he was on the good list, ho ho ho'd and then seamlessly went back to the actual meeting subject.

If there’s ever a rogue fart in my company I always have to reply with “i’ll name that tune!”

Immature yes, but I howl

My cat doesn't even normally enter the room I work in, unless I'm on a zoom call then he can't seem to stop doing bizarre things in the background.

Last week he jumped on top of the wardrobe directly behind me and ended up dangling off it just holding on with his paws. My boss told me I better go and rescue him. I can only think he wanted a moment of fame, he is normally very docile and just sleeps all day.

The shame of having a show off cat!

CRYING at the parrot and the cats

My biggest fucking fear is to accidentally unmute my mic and blather about something I absolutely shouldn't whilst working. Live in abject terror of the very thing - as it happened but luckily I was just humming a Star Wars theme tune, very badly.
At Directors' meeting .

@StealthPolarBear

He shushed your boss's boss? That's so sweet :o

I didn't feel quite so kindly about it myself - the CEO looked a bit taken aback, and I had to stifle the urge to throttle poor DS whilst bundling him out of the room to and trying to muffle his shouts of "shush now! Pinished!"

@CrochetToTheMoon

If there’s ever a rogue fart in my company I always have to reply with “i’ll name that tune!”

Immature yes, but I howl

😂😂😂😂

@Imaystillbedrunk

On a conference call with a colleague who, since March, has grown a fetching big white beard.

My 3 year old wanders in, spots him on camera and is very excited I'm chatting to Santa. My colleague, bless him, went along with it and asked him what he wanted for Christmas, said he was on the good list, ho ho ho'd and then seamlessly went back to the actual meeting subject.

Aaaw that's so lovely of him 😍

@CrochetToTheMoon

If there’s ever a rogue fart in my company I always have to reply with “i’ll name that tune!”

Immature yes, but I howl

"A bit more choke and she'd have started!"

i was talking to a customer on the phone, i have a cough and kept putting her on mute,
until the end of the call she said Take Care,

was my phone actually muting?

Dh was on a video call presenting to 150 people in his company including the CEO. Our DS had been given 2 new young polish chickens for his birthday, they aren’t the run of the mill sort of chickens they both have crazy hairstyles. As they were still quite young our ds insisted on bringing them in at night and when it rained and they would normally sit quietly in their cage in my husband’s office. However my ds must of not closed the cage properly and they waiting until my dh was presenting to escape their cage and fly laps around the room. My husband couldn’t catch them so called me in but I had just got out of the shower and put my pj’s on so there was the 2 of us trying to catch the flying chickens. The rest of the office thought it was hysterical!

Oh these are so funny

Flying chickens!

"I'll name that tune"

"A bit more choke and she'd have started!"

My colleagues have heard me shouting because I stood in a very sloppy puppy poo. They also heard my partner asking if I wanted anything from the pleasure palace (we’ve copied Nigella as a joke).

I’ve heard colleagues fart quite a bit, we also saw another colleague suddenly lurch to the side and vomit, she was very very hungover.

My favourite so far is a colleague saying “fucking dickhead” when our boss started her part of the meeting. Turns out she had the TV on mute and Hancock had just come on 🤣

There was a zoom interview recently in our company where the head of HR's shocked face came up when she forgot to mute and let one rip. Unfortunately for her the interview was recorded for multiple senior people to watch after so her shame was much longer lasting (and somehow a short clip of her hilarious face was captured, annotated and covertly shared throughout the workforce).

@Secretothername

There was a zoom interview recently in our company where the head of HR's shocked face came up when she forgot to mute and let one rip. Unfortunately for her the interview was recorded for multiple senior people to watch after so her shame was much longer lasting (and somehow a short clip of her hilarious face was captured, annotated and covertly shared throughout the workforce).

Oh that POOR woman !!!!

DHs office is also the babys bedroom. He is hardly ever on calls outside of a specific window, and is almost always on mute. But when I came in to change the baby singing about how stinky she was, he was not muted 🤭

I love this thread

@Imaystillbedrunk

On a conference call with a colleague who, since March, has grown a fetching big white beard.

My 3 year old wanders in, spots him on camera and is very excited I'm chatting to Santa. My colleague, bless him, went along with it and asked him what he wanted for Christmas, said he was on the good list, ho ho ho'd and then seamlessly went back to the actual meeting subject.

That's so cute, lovely that he played along

These are so funny - love threads like these. My cats love showing off to the screen, with the obligatory arsehole shot!

And I feel for you Bluntness for not being able to control giggles. Once I get them
I can't stop, and was once ordered out of court for not being able to control myself!

My cats love showing off to the screen, with the obligatory arsehole shot!

@Secretothername at least mine wasn't bloody well recorded! Aaaaaaargh!

@KitKatastrophe

DHs office is also the babys bedroom. He is hardly ever on calls outside of a specific window, and is almost always on mute. But when I came in to change the baby singing about how stinky she was, he was not muted 🤭

Hahaahah cute!!!! I am often to be found singing songs about how my dog's paws smell and his stinky bum - never been caught on a call yet though!