When you think you're on mute, but you're not...

[HavelockVetinari]

Fucksticks

I was on a Microsoft Teams call this morning - if you're not familiar with this app, a key feature is that when a person is speaking their name or picture will be kind of highlighted on the screen so you can tell who's saying what.

I've had a bit of tummy trouble recently, resulting in a lot of wind. During this morning's meeting I needed to fart, so since I was on mute, I let rip with a MASSIVE one, I swear planes passing overhead felt the turbulence.

Reader, I was not on mute. The whole fucking meeting paused, a couple of people clearly got the giggles and turned off their camera/mic, and the others stared in appalled silence before carrying on as though nothing had happened. I was (and am) horrified, I have to work with these people, I need them to respect me, not think about me breaking wind. Argh!

My Friday top tip to all of you - CHECK YOUR MUTE BUTTON!

I was assisting my boss on some zoom training and the dog followed me upstairs. Normally I’m muted all the time as I don’t lead the training. Except this time when I told the dog to shut the fuck up as he growling at his reflection in the mirror. I’d forgotten to put myself back on mute after introducing myself.

It's true you have to be so careful with this tech. I ran a training session on Teams then called a colleague on my mobile to dissect the session. This turned to gossip. I realised after about half an hour that the session was still running (no-one there I hope!). Luckily we weren't slagging anyone off or I'd have felt like resigning.

@berrygirlie

I think OP was on speaker view, so her face would have popped up at the time of the crime

This would definitely have outed her as the "parp"etrator of the crime

🤣🤣🤣

OMG OP - so funny

I was at a real life meeting once when a senior manager actually did that. He was on the seat in front of me, and he literally lifted his arse and farted, I got the giggles so bad, and then got my arse kicked for it from the manager presenting, and repeatedly, because I couldn’t stop myself laughing, it was all blunt that’s enough now you’re being disruptive.

Omg this has had me crying tears of laughter 🤣

I hate teams so much. I got caught out the other day muttering away to myself , a colleague sent me a text to alert me that I was appearing like a total loon to the whole meeting .

Oh op that is funny

Just thinking about your face being highlighted is making me laugh

These are brilliant! 😂 😂 😂

I was on a Teams call a while back when the person talking suddenly had lots of background speaking, loads and loads of effing and jeffing (and other rude words!) but the accent sounded really strange.

He apologised and explained that he would have to briefly leave the call to go and shut his parrot up 😂 🦜 🦜

If it helps, I burped suddenly and loudly during my Monday session with the kids I run extra curricular with. I was utterly mortified. At the end I spoke to my team leader and apologised profusely only it was fine because I WAS on mute and no one had noticed.

So I outed myself when I didn't even need to say anything at all.

Yours is definitely worse though.

He apologised and explained that he would have to briefly leave the call to go and shut his parrot up

I feel like I'm missing out. My videocalls are so tame. No talking parrots. No cycling Elsas. Nothing...

Ah poor you OP. I didn't even know my dh was doing video calls until I walked in the spare room to grab my laundry with my bra and knickers on.
Cue dh flapping around so crazily I stood there trying to work out what on Earth was wrong. In front of all of his colleagues of course.

I muted and then told him to fuck off I’m a the call with the new big cheese.
Yep, I wasn’t on mute.

Oh that is hilarious

We have the joyful hazard of randomly allocated breakout rooms for uni lectures at the moment - they hit a button and you vanish to reappear with however many other randoms they've decided to throw you in with. Then whenever the lecturer decides they want to - they swoop you back.

Most have taken on board the student feedback of "please give us a minute's warning in case we're using the shared whiteboard or whatever" but some don't - and you get whisked into the main room, mic on, mid sentence of whatever you're chatting about when you've finished the discussion task in 30 seconds.

Oh the things we've heard when people have landed in groups with their mates and then been pulled back with no warning.

This is a problem in virtual court cases too.Recently judge walked out and all we could hear was a solicitor saying on the call saying "who the f""k made him a judge" 😶

Also - barrister was cross examining someone and when he'd finished we heard the witness say "he's a ball bag"

@whatever1980

This is a problem in virtual court cases too.Recently judge walked out and all we could hear was a solicitor saying on the call saying "who the f""k made him a judge" 😶

Also - barrister was cross examining someone and when he'd finished we heard the witness say "he's a ball bag"

See, this makes me feel a lot better!

@HomerRoberts

Not as bad as yours or really anyone else’s, but I hate it when you join a video call using software you’re not so familiar with. Had a star leaf call that I only intended to join using audio, so hadn’t sorted out my background. The camera switched on automatically so there was a brief moment when anyone looking might have seen my clothes piled up in the background with a bra strung prominently across the top

I spent most of the meeting not being too sure whether the camera was on or off!

Ah yes, my bras have joined several Teams calls, usually on the head of one of my children...

This thread is the gift that keeps on giving 😂

My cat is delighted, she's determined to show her arsehole to the whole world and get kisses from me at the same time. No amount of shoving her down off the desk helps!
I love it really, although am probably coming across as either an animal abuser (when I encourage her down a bit too vigorously) or a mad cat lady.
She also coughed up a hair ball live on zoom the other day, complete with pre cough weird strangled noises, I definitely got a lot of strange looks!

Ah but kids don't count...do they?! 3-year-old DS has made a couple of memorable appearances on team meetings - first time he sprinted into camera view to announce that he needed a poo. The sniggering of my team spurred him on to share that it would be a "big, stinky poo!"

The second time he managed to escape my mum's clutches to run in and declare to my boss's boss's boss "pinished [sic] work now - shush, that's quite enough"

Done this a few times, hate virtual meetings! Mostly it's me telling the kids what's happening haha

He shushed your boss's boss? That's so sweet :o

The sniggering of my team spurred him on to share that it would be a "big, stinky poo!"

😂😂😂😂😂😂

This would definitely have outed her as the "parp"etrator of the crime