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Original poster

When you think you're on mute, but you're not...

98 replies

HavelockVetinari · 27/11/2020 09:57

Fucksticks Blush

I was on a Microsoft Teams call this morning - if you're not familiar with this app, a key feature is that when a person is speaking their name or picture will be kind of highlighted on the screen so you can tell who's saying what.

I've had a bit of tummy trouble recently, resulting in a lot of wind. During this morning's meeting I needed to fart, so since I was on mute, I let rip with a MASSIVE one, I swear planes passing overhead felt the turbulence.

Reader, I was not on mute. The whole fucking meeting paused, a couple of people clearly got the giggles and turned off their camera/mic, and the others stared in appalled silence before carrying on as though nothing had happened. I was (and am) horrified, I have to work with these people, I need them to respect me, not think about me breaking wind. Argh!

My Friday top tip to all of you - CHECK YOUR MUTE BUTTON!

BlushBlushBlush

OP posts:
Keratinsmooth · 27/11/2020 12:02

Blame the chair? I regularly say that was t me, it was the chair

Pinkflipflop85 · 27/11/2020 12:04

I am in tears reading this. Best laugh I've had this week.

Mrsmummy90 · 27/11/2020 12:04

I am so sorry this happened to you but....

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

This made my day 😅 💃💨

sorenipples · 27/11/2020 12:06

I was on a call on speaker view and I needed to blow my nose, so I turned video off. Only I didn't. I turned mute off.

Plump82 · 27/11/2020 13:14

@stampsurprise

0]]0_

You've probably given them the best laugh they've had in ages at work.
They'll love you for that.
BIG PLUS - they didn't have to smell it either!

This has made me laugh so much!!!
DennisWaterman · 27/11/2020 13:21

OMG did they see you lift your bum cheek Grin

dementedma · 27/11/2020 13:30

I was in a Zoom with a lot of military folks. One chaps mic was unmuted and a faint voice in the background was heard calling him. He replied loudly" I can't come now I'm on another FUCKING zoom call!" The Colonel hosting in the meeting said drily" If you could spare us your profanities Major, that would be appreciated". I couldnt keep a straight face

Cleanerdilemma · 27/11/2020 13:58

I feel sorry for you OP but that has really made me chuckle, thank you Grin

nosswith · 27/11/2020 14:21

I normally have the problem in reverse, speaking when on mute. Though I have not been on a call with anyone from the military.

stampsurprise · 27/11/2020 14:30

@Unsuremover

We have all sensibly decided not to have cameras on in our meetings for “security reasons” so I though I was safe. Except my large dog was trying to get under my desk and I was trying to stop him. So I was puff and panting and the dog was huffing and panting until I managed to shove him forcibly out the room. Sat down and there’s a message on my phone saying I wasn’t on mute! Very hard to make people believe I was struggling with a dog and not some afternoon delight.
😂😂😂
Dillo10 · 27/11/2020 14:53

Heard my husband saying goodbye to everyone on a group call. I was in the spare room trying on some new stuff from H&M - I shouted to him "Do you want to come and see my new knickers!!!!!" Didn't realise he'd joined another call immediately after the last one ended - so his entire senior leadership team heard me. Luckily they are a pretty young/fun bunch.

Bluntness100 · 27/11/2020 15:04

@DennisWaterman

OMG did they see you lift your bum cheek Grin
I was at a real life meeting once when a senior manager actually did that. He was on the seat in front of me, and he literally lifted his arse and farted, I got the giggles so bad, and then got my arse kicked for it from the manager presenting, and repeatedly, because I couldn’t stop myself laughing, it was all blunt that’s enough now you’re being disruptive.

I was totally gone, eventually I had to say through my tears that it was because tony had just lifted his arse cheek and farted, to which “tony” just pivoted in his chair and raised his eye brow at me. Not a word was said.

As he was the most senior man in the room, no one said a word, every one just stared at me in horrified silence, which I swear to god made it worse, I was literally hiccuping with laughter. Id then get myself under control, straighten my face, and then burst out laughing again a few mins later when I thought about it.😂

midsomermurderess · 27/11/2020 15:08

So long as you re not masturbating, it's all good.

TeenyTinyDustinHoffman · 27/11/2020 15:08

DP was on Teams in the living room and I didn't realise and came out of the shower in a towel behind her and started rooting around for underwear in the laundry basket. I was there for quite a long time, towel having mostly slid off, before anyone said anything.

kleew1 · 27/11/2020 15:13

Brilliant!

ClinkeyMonkey · 27/11/2020 15:14

These are brilliant! I'm in tears😂😂

PaperTowels · 27/11/2020 15:21

@midsomermurderess

So long as you re not masturbating, it's all good.
NOW you tell me!
shoogal · 27/11/2020 16:32

Aw bless you. It could have happened to anyone. You have really cheered me up though so thanks 😊

stampsurprise · 27/11/2020 16:34

*I was at a real life meeting once when a senior manager actually did that. He was on the seat in front of me, and he literally lifted his arse and farted, I got the giggles so bad, and then got my arse kicked for it from the manager presenting, and repeatedly, because I couldn’t stop myself laughing, it was all blunt that’s enough now you’re being disruptive.

I was totally gone, eventually I had to say through my tears that it was because tony had just lifted his arse cheek and farted, to which “tony” just pivoted in his chair and raised his eye brow at me. Not a word was said.

As he was the most senior man in the room, no one said a word, every one just stared at me in horrified silence, which I swear to god made it worse, I was literally hiccuping with laughter. Id then get myself under control, straighten my face, and then burst out laughing again a few mins later when I thought about it.*

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

NeedToKnow101 · 27/11/2020 17:10

At least you weren't knocking one out! www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/world-us-canada-54912610

Original poster
HavelockVetinari · 27/11/2020 18:30

@DennisWaterman

OMG did they see you lift your bum cheek Grin
I bloody well hope not! Only my face and shoulders were visible on camera.

Although that reminds me of a colleague who thought he was shutting off his camera - he actually pressed mute, and proceeded to pick his nose and thoroughly inspect the contents Grin

OP posts:
nancybotwinbloom · 27/11/2020 18:36

I left a VM for one of my big accounts once of me and my mum in the car whilst parking.

It went along the lines of

" Come on soft cunt you can get a tank in there and my mum saying oh shut up they might be blind and me saying your fucking messing aren't you Mum"

Along with a few other obsenties and us hysterically laughing at each other Shock

I'm their fave account manager now.

StealthPolarBear · 27/11/2020 18:36

These are brilliant!

nancybotwinbloom · 27/11/2020 18:56

My daughter came on one once, got on the exercise bike behind me in full on frozen gear and a wig.

Could of fucking killed her.

I just blanked her. Everyone took my lead. But was smirking and laughing on the sly.

She was pedalling away and waving at us in the background.

Her wig was fucked. She shouted bye to everyone as we signed off.

HomerRoberts · 27/11/2020 19:02

Not as bad as yours or really anyone else’s, but I hate it when you join a video call using software you’re not so familiar with.
Had a star leaf call that I only intended to join using audio, so hadn’t sorted out my background. The camera switched on automatically so there was a brief moment when anyone looking might have seen my clothes piled up in the background with a bra strung prominently across the top Blush

I spent most of the meeting not being too sure whether the camera was on or off!