How often do your children physically fight?

[xoxoz]

My ds are 4&5 and they are constantly fighting.

They are good as gold at school but as soon as they get home they will annoy each other.

Every day, multiple times I have to break up a physical fight.

Is this normal for their ages?

I do give punishments such as no cartoons or no pudding but the next day they start again.

I've spoken to other mums irl and they say their dc are not that bad.

My two boys are 8 and 10 and don’t fight because I was so so strict on it when they were about the age of yours. So whatever they were doing that involved fighting would stop, they would get separated, I was totally on at them for the most minor signs of physical violence.
They are still quite physical, but it’s more like fun wrestling, hugging, piggy backs, riding each other like ponies etc, and luckily they are really close in size so it seems fairer!

My boys 8 & 9 bicker with the occasional hitting and now my DD 4 has started too but never really hits either.

Mine are 9&6 and have a scrap every day. I think it starts as play fighting but always ends in tears.

My two girls (4 & 5) can be like hell unleashed at each other. I hate it. Not sure it's daily but they have very poor control and can fly into rages at each other.

Mine (now 12, 10 and 8) have never fought at all. They mess around, wrestling etc, but for fun (although it does inevitably end in tears sometimes frequently). They squabble, of course, but it never turns physical. I think it is partly because I was (am) very strict on good behaviour between the siblings, and partly luck that it just isn't in their natures.

Never physically, and there’s less than 2 years between them.

Never fighting. Bickering sometimes.

Daily. Can't keep count.

DS1 (9) has ASD and dyspraxia. Can be "unreasonably" sensitive so will wind DS2 (7) up by yelling at DS2 to "shut up" when DS2 is behaving quite normally to neurotypical standards. Then DS2 is a cheeky masochist who stupidly can't resist winding DS1 up when he's being calm. He's particularly enjoying silly noises at the moment which DS1 has zero patience for.

Playfighting quickly escalates as DS1 doesn't read DS2's mood changes from giggling to whimpering and has poor physical control over the power he puts in.

Add in depriving them of sport and routine for 3 weeks and counting, and getting dark at 4:15 so we barely have time to make it to a park after school and most of our scooting is done by twighlight. (Dyspraxia rules out ball sports and cycling) Also not helped by DS1 being a tightly coiled spring of tension at either end of the school day due to the effort of masking. Getting in and out of the house at either end of the school day is rarely civilised.

Fucking worn out with it. Still it's better than when DS1 had 3-4 hour raging meltdowns a couple of years ago.

Bickering and whacking each other daily drives me insane. All girls 11, 8 and 6. Never turns into a proper fight though one of them always runs and generally shouts me.

My 1yr and 3yr old boys pretty much daily. It's exhausting separating them. Then we get the odd day where it's lovely and think we've cracked the problem and then back to square one

Never, because I stopped it at a very young age.

It would never be allowed in school so why should it be allowed because they are siblings?

What would the consequences be if they were in school if they "whacked" another pupil? I would start asking them that question for them to see why it is unacceptable at home.

They need to learn to solve issues verbally and politely not in a physical altercation.

Just as a perspective me and my brothers fought as kids despite parental efforts to prevent it.
It stopped as we got to the end of primary school and we're all well adjusted adults with nice healthy none violent relationships now. None of the brothers are fighters now

@OnTheBenchOfDoom

Never, because I stopped it at a very young age.

It would never be allowed in school so why should it be allowed because they are siblings?

What would the consequences be if they were in school if they "whacked" another pupil? I would start asking them that question for them to see why it is unacceptable at home.

They need to learn to solve issues verbally and politely not in a physical altercation.

I have asked them this exact question. Ds 5 replied that a child did do this and got told off by the teacher.

They know not to do it at school so it is mine and dp fault for not addressing it sooner.

Maybe once or twice when they were younger but we nipped it in the bud. There are 5 yrs between them so when little the eldest could've really hurt them.

I don't think it's your fault. Mine have never gone in for physical fights, but it's nothing I did - pretty sure it's just their personalities. They bicker and yell and tell tales and all sorts, but they've never fought.

I think this is something you really do have to crack down on.

bogof you say you are ‘exhausted’ with it, but don’t you think your seven year old has the right to be safe?

Ours bickered but I never allowed play fighting.

A good friend has three boys who constantly play fought and wrestled. The playing did escalate into fighting and drove her bananas. They are delightful, gentle young men now.

I’d be told it’s rubbish but boys do tend to fight physically more than girls. That doesn’t mean you don’t stop it just that it takes more effort to control.

Not normal for us ages 8 and 6, the younger is a girl and can be a bit sneaky and she has hit or nipped her brother. My older boy is completely non violent, he just would never resort to it.

Bicker, yes, all the bloody time. Physical fighting, never. I would never have allowed it and would have jumped on it hard the first time it happened.

Taking away a pudding or cartoons is a bit weak OP and they will not associate this with the fighting.

There is a bigger gap between mine who are 3 and 6, so they don't physically fight. The 3 year old is a young 3 year old and he still snatches. The 6 year old doesn't retaliate (yet!) so it doesn't tend to escalate into a fight. Usually just rwsults in both of them screaming for me to come and intervene which probably isn't great either tbh.

The 6 yo play fights with everyone her age and older (me) and that is something we are working on. To her and her buddies at school, it's playfighting, but some people, (including me and I bet lots if other kids), don't like it!

They are very close in age OP. My twins had a phase of biting other as toddlers, and at about 4/5 had a couple of actual “fights” where they had to be separated. At 7 they still have big arguments a lot, and one might poke or push the other which causes much wailing and allegations of “being attacked” , but it is nothing like it was. Being at the same stage developmentally makes it much harder I think, as you can’t reason with the older one. Also, they can spend so much time with each other doing the same activities and sports, and not get a proper break from one another.

never, l wouldn't allow any rough play as DD had a joint issue and couldn't be pushed around by her brother...
They are 16 months apart and have never even tussled...
But l am strict.

If they got cross with each other and kept arguing l used to put them in seperate bedrooms for 30 mintes each time....they hated it so soon stopped short of more than a brief snap at each other, as they knew they would be ousted from the playroom and have to sit in their bedrooms.

Try that op but be consistent.

Mine never really have, they are teens now and it's never progressed beyond the odd shove although they do wind each other up a lot. They are very similar to Bogroll's, eldest has dyspraxia and ASD and is overly sensitive to normal things DD (two years younger) does such as singing, he also can't stop himself saying exactly what he thinks. DD also likes to wind him up. So the potential is there but they never got as far as fighting.

They have always done a lot of sport to get rid of energy, DS has always played football and hockey and spends a lot of his free time kicking a ball about with other boys, DD swims. I think the other main thing that has stopped it is lack of space - our rooms are all small and there isn't space to fight without trashing the place or risking real injury on table edges, fireplaces etc. Plus perhaps it's just not in their natures. Some of my friends DCs have been fighters, some haven't, it's all tended to stop by the time they go to secondary school.

DS 8 and DD 7 wrestle and playfight all the time. I'm fairly certain the neighbors think that the only thing I know how to say is "If you don't stop that someone is going to get hurt!"

Fight in anger....I don't recall them every doing this. The most that might happen is a frustrated push out of the way, in which case there is punishment because we don't touch people in anger.

Our 4 never fought due to age gaps and the nearest in age being step siblings so they only see each other once a month at most and are usually genuinely excited to spend time together. 2 of my nieces are like kittens though, rolling round the floor over the slightest thing. My sister just separates them with her foot like they actually are cats and says NO and they go about their business as if nothing happens. I find it astonishing! I've got another on the way though and there will only be a 2yr age gap this time so I may be about to find out for myself about scrapping sisters!