How often do your children physically fight?

[xoxoz]

My ds are 4&5 and they are constantly fighting.

They are good as gold at school but as soon as they get home they will annoy each other.

Every day, multiple times I have to break up a physical fight.

Is this normal for their ages?

I do give punishments such as no cartoons or no pudding but the next day they start again.

I've spoken to other mums irl and they say their dc are not that bad.

DTs end up lashing out at each other because they will not leave each other the fuck alone. They are constantly on top of each other. We are trying to reinforce boundaries around personal space but what starts out as playing often tips over.

I don't tolerate it and they know that so it is getting slightly better.

I know lots of siblings that fought like cats as children and grew up to have lovely close relationships with each other, it isn't always necessarily damaging. Its very difficult for parents to see their precious children hurting each other, but it's important to know that for some children it is a normal part of growing up, and remain calm, neutral and set appropriate consequences. You can model good behaviour and have zero tolerance, but unless you spend every waking second separating them, some siblings will fight.

*I love all the parents that have zero tolerance for it and wouldn’t allow it so their kids don’t.

Mine do it because I give them knives and let them have at it hunger games style obviously*

This made me laugh! I hear this all the time on MN “mine don’t ever do because I don’t allow it” do they think the rest of us are just putting our feet up and letting our kids crack on? Some children are much, much harder to teach good behaviour to than others and I wish some of these sanctimonious posters would realise that.

I don’t think that at all gig and mini BUT I do think that a lot of parents see it as ‘normal’ and therefore either don’t intervene or intervene quite softly. I would say the typical sort of set up is where two children are playing and it’s quite rough and tumble but definitely play, and the parents ignore it or do look on indulgently. Then it goes too far and someone gets hurt and starts crying and the parent is annoyed at both parties. Both children then feel unfairly treated. Purely from observations I would say this is most common in set ups where the older child is a boy. Older girl and younger brother / sister not so common but two boys or older boy, younger girl, you can actually have a child in a very vulnerable position there.

That’s why I do have a firm rule about no physical contact in play: no wrestling, grappling, kicking, punching, bear hugging, pushing, shoving. And if someone does, they are separated, immediately, for an appropriate period of time. If you apply this consistently, they do learn

Not perfect parenting, but consistency and knowing the warning signs are key. Obviously some children are more prone to arguing and if you have two that won’t back down it’s a nightmare, but zero tolerance and keeping them separate where possible if someone is in ‘that mood’ help. Positive reinforcement when everyone is getting on. I have a few people I know whose children scrap and they complain about it but I’ve been there when they limply call out stop it please and are completely ignored.
I taught in some difficult schools and I must have spent hours in PSHE stuff about violence and tempers etc. It takes time unfortunately.

The personality of my younger one will not be quelled, it wouldn’t have mattered how strict I was, the child has terrorist tendencies. So yes they do and yes I’m strict.

I do that Magic though, they don’t really play fight other than tickling. Immediate separation and removal of anything they may be fighting over. Consequences and talking to them about how it feels to be the one hurt to look after their emotional side.

And yet one girl still gets a whack or a toe poke or an elbow to the other when they bicker. With 3 non toddler girls as a single parent I can’t and shouldn’t have to watch them every single minute of the day. It isn’t extreme and they’ll grow out of it!

I remember whacking my sister because her potato made my alpha bites taste of potato At 40+ I adore her and have yet to whack her since!

If one child won’t stop attacking her sister then I do think they need to be kept apart.

I think the shock of not being permitted to be unsupervised with her sister might be what stops her.

Sometimes I’d prefer it if mine scrapped it out and got it out their system than endure the screeching and wailing we have to deal with instead.

@GingerAndTheBiscuits

Sometimes I’d prefer it if mine scrapped it out and got it out their system than endure the screeching and wailing we have to deal with instead.

Oh yes Ginger the dreaded wail 'mummm she looked at meeeeeee'

Less than 2 years between me and DBro but I remember physically fighting quite frequently when we were younger. However I now have younger siblings very close in age that rarely physically fight but are always arguing. We're all very close and me and DBro are probably some of the closest siblings I know, they'll grow out of it

Having a brother 4 years older and having been on the receiving end, I had a zero tolerance to anything physical and intervened immediately. We didn't do play-fighting either. I was concerned as DD is younger than her brothers but they have mostly been very careful and protective around her and there were only a couple of incidents, which were dealt with at the time. All adults now and still get on really well.

Often, at the moment (age 11).

I think it’s lockdown and not being able to blow off steam as easily. Don’t sweat it.

Two DC here, 4.5 year age gap, and they fight pretty much every day, it's exhausting.

Never - and they would be in deep shit if they did!

One of my sisters and I used to really go for it but we were much older.

Are they playing or actually trying to hurt each other?

Never (dds, not that that makes any difference, aged9 and 13).

Zero tolerance of bickering let alone anything physical in this house, and has been from the start. Anything like that and they’re immediately sent to separate rooms to calm down, for as long as it takes. I think we’ve had one hit and two kicks, over the years, in total.

My boys are in their teens and have fought physically once. Dp and I were so shocked when it happened it took us a fair while to clock what was going on.

They seem to be yellers, not hitters. I think I was likely the same.

Next door are the loveliest, kindest people in the world and their two scrap constantly.

Happy for mine to have a bit of a scrap, a wallop can quickly defuse pent up annoyance.

They rarely do though, maybe a couple of times a year. All teens now and very gentle kids.

I do shriek 'no hitting heads" if they start.

Mine don’t physically fight with each other. I just don’t tolerate it, ever. Kids need to control themselves emotionally and understand that this behaviour is unacceptable.

18month between mine and they never physically fight.
As they got older they'd hit out occasionally but there were immediate consequences if caught.

I have friends who's kids are always physical.

I think you have to have a zero tolerance approach- stop things before they escalate.

If mine started to bicker I'd send them to different rooms.

My own children never fought because they were five years apart, and I just did not raise them that way. We have a quiet home with no shouting, no physical violence. They’re not perfect, they are lazy little shits, but I have rarely had to raise my voice. My stepchildren can’t even be in the same room as each other. Every time we are out in public there is screaming and punches thrown. At home they just stay away from each other because if they are even breathing the same oxygen, they fight. They are living in a sibling domestic violence situation really. Nobody seems to be that bothered about rectifying it, but the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree I guess.

Mine are 7 and 5 and fight everyday. starts off as play fighting and leads to tears; they are very hyperactive kids and just run around making dens and playing all these wacky games they make up. I tell them off but it doesn't bother me too much as they really love each other and always want to be together.

3 dc of both sexes with a 6 year total age gap, I can safely say we have never had a physical fight amongst them.

Ganging up against each other and once they hit their teens, there is also a lot of swearing to each other. They aren’t angels.