Weirdest thing you've seen on a night out.

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

I was once in 'spoons (I know it says it all really) when a chap on the next table smashed a glass on the table and glassed himself in the forehead and said to his partner, as the blood poured down his face, "are you happy now?!".

Was in the same pub a couple of years earlier,, before it was a Spoons, and a fight broke out. Next thing someone hit another bloke on the back with a chair, just like they used to do in Westerns.

I have long since learned to say no to anyone who suggestions going to said pub

In a pub on the Isle of Wight in the late 70s - a dozen Groucho Marxes walked into the bar. I assume it was a stag night but you never know with Isle of Wighters...

Through one of my brothers, I used to know a mother and daughter combo who would regularly get glammed up to go out to a particular gay bar, throw themselves at (very clearly gay and uninterested) men, then get angry and start (literally) wailing uncontrollably when neither of them pulled. They would proceed to fall out and fight each other, then make up over a bottle of wine or five, faces streaked with teary mascara. They’d usually have to be ‘helped’ out of the bar at closing time and poured onto a night bus home.

They did this twice a week for years.

I was in the loo queue in a sticky carpet club once. Lots of us waiting. A woman walks past us all, says ‘sorry lasses, I’m desperate for a piss’ and climbs up on the sink to relieve herself. Nobody batted an eyelid!

Christmas work do. Just leaving the pub about 11pm, 7 Dwarfs walking up the street back to their hotel (after performing at the local panto).
All in a line.

On the bus going home - walking along beside it was a bloke with a karaoke machine in a wheelbarrow and balancing a massive snowball on his head.

What happen on the night bus (N21 usually, or the N279), stays on the night bus

I saw santa (well probably somebody dressed as santa) getting dragged out of a cubicle covered in sick and blood having OD'd

Early evening, bank holiday, small pub. Fight broke out which resulted in the death of one of the men. It was completely unexpected as the pub was very family friendly, not the sort you expect fights to happen. I had been chatting to the man who died just moments before the fight broke out.

I was in the pub I worked in on my night off and a lad on a stolen motorbike came crashing through the (closed) door and into the middle of the pub. He hit the door so hard it split the wood and the door, bike and rider all ended up in a heap, missing one of the elderly regulars by centimetres. The lad jumped up and legged it, lots of regulars chased him, caught him and held him until the police got there. The motorbike was just left in the pub on its side with the engine still running. I went and worked behind the bar while the manager sorted the bike and the very shaken customer who'd almost been hit. I could write a book on the stuff that happened in that pub!

I was a single mum and it was Xmas eve. I wasn't drunk but a bit tipsy.

My DD, dog and I were due to stay at my parents house on Xmas day for a few nights. My brother was also coming, being on leave from the army. Mum didn't have any spare beds for my brother, but I had a spare single mattress.

Mum and I went to midnight Mass and dad was babysitting my DD. Dad planned to take the mattress home with them upon our return.

On our return there are several police cars down one end on the street. We mind our own business and dad takes the mattress out to his Landrover, carrying it on his back for ease. As he is doing so a police car pulls up alongside him (bearing in mind it's now 1am Christmas morning) and the copper asks "excuse me sir, have you seen anything unusual this evening - there's been a robbery"

If shouldn't have been funny, the Baileys we had drank definitely didn't help, but me and my mum were bent double laughing and lost it completely when the copper said "other than the fact you're carrying a mattress in the street at 1am on Christmas morning!"

Mixedup that's truly awful

On the metro in Newcastle. It was 7 oclock, midsummer and packed full of people heading into town. Obvious stag party( complete with dodgy blow up dolls etc) already bladdered in front of us. As we approached the city centre stop they grabbed the groom, stripped him stark naked and pushed him out of the doors onto a jam- packed platform. Doors closed and train pulled away leaving the poor guy stranded there !!
My best friend got knocked over by a 7 foot transwoman dressed in a silver lurex catsuit and wearing rollerskates while walking through the city centre one evening. Both saw the funny side though!
Me and DH walking along a busy street 10 pm Sat night. Group of middle aged women walking towards us. About 6ft away from us one of the women yanks up her dress to waist height ( no knickers) and proceeds to give her bush a damn good scratch then calmly walks past! They didnt even seem drunk ! Poor DH was mortified !!!

A guy decided to get behind the wheel even though he'd had a few, the pub was just off a dual carriageway with a cycle path (separate entity to the road), and he drove onto that instead of the road. Not sure how long he stayed on it, but certainly until he got out of my sight.

I'd grabbed his reg as soon as he got in the car as he was making a scene leaving the pub so it caught my attention sitting in the beer garden by the car park, and I phoned the police and passed it on. I didn't want him hurting himself, others, or ploughing into cyclists as it was early evening in the summer, and that cycle path is used heavily.

Walking to up to a busy london night bus stop after the pubs closed, a metre or so behind the people queueing we got a streetlight silhouetted view of a guy with his arse hovering over the edge of a raised flower bed, taking a dump.

I live next door to a pub. Fortunately its relatively quiet most of the time. I saw someone i knew being dragged out of there, by the police, he had a dodgy leg and was using it as an excuse for all he was worth. He was perfectly capable of walking, he just had to throw his leg out cuz it didn't bend. It took 3 police to get him in the van, 1 pulling from inside and 2 pushing from outside.
I have been known to stick my head out of my window at 3 am and ask people to either shut up or go argue somewhere else.
I also told some shit head bloke to stop shouting at his girlfriend and go home, the poor girl was in tears. I told her she could do a hell of a lot better than him.
I've seen a couple of blokes wrestling and one bloke lifted the other and body slammed him on to the pavement, all while mother was shrieking at them.

A friend and I were in a local pub when there was a scuffle and lots of shouting and laughing coming from the other room. We went to see what was going on and there was a group of blokes playing football with a used tampon. Apparently, a woman had just put her hand up her dress, pulled it out, dropped it into her boyfriend's pint and walked out.

One New Years Eve in Leeds...we left a bar and decided to get curry at about 1am as the Indian restaurants were still open.

Four blokes came in, very drunk, sat at another table. They ate their curries and then one of them threw it straight back up onto his plate.

It looked the same

I worked in a hotel a million years ago when I was at college. We held a big NYE bash where you could buy how ever many seats at a table you wanted and it included DJ, three course meal and wine etc. Lots of people opted to stay over as we were a way out of town so taxi ride back nearly the cost of a room!

Two couples were part of one of the tables I was serving and they were on a night away from the kids so were tucking into the wine, enjoying themselves and began ordered more and more spirits as the night went on. They were fine, drunk but fine. Eventually around 1am the DJ finished and we began clearing up - the ladies from the couples had long gone up to bed and the guys were still sitting at the table talking over each other and generally just being drunk and loud but fine.

I left them to it while I cleared up around them and then the manager started to say it was nearly time to close the function room. They could move to the bar if they wanted another drink but we needed to re lay this room for breakfast. They started shouting and standing up generally mouthing off and I tried to lighten the situation by offering them a tray to help move their drinks and generally just be smiley and defuse the atmosphere.

When I got back with the tray as I walked in one of the guys picked up and threw his chair at me. I was utterly shocked and then the other guy started knocking drinks off the table shouting calling us horrid names - the manager told me to go and ring the police. Fortunately as he was so pissed his aim was awful so the guy had only caught my hip/shin with the chair - really bloody hurt but nothing serious.

The police arrived and took them both into custody. We then had to ring up to their rooms to tell their partners what had happened. Spent the rest of the night sitting in reception listening to chair guys spouse tell me that I was obviously lying and he would never do anything like that. I tried to explain that at least 4 people saw it and why on earth would I lie!

It ended up going to court and I had to give evidence plus the guy chose to defend himself so I had to listen to him talk about me which was scary. At one point he claimed to a room of people I was flirting with him through the evening and when he turned me down I made this up to get at him. I was only 18. It always stuck with me how a situation can turn so quickly!

Ooof that was long sorry

We were in All Bar One on George Street, Edinburgh and a couple came in. She was carrying a bouquet of flowers. He went up to the bar and bought a bottle of champagne in an ice bucket. Then he got down on one knee and proposed. She turned him down and he started crying.

Oh no @mdh2020! Dh and I went for lunch in that exact bar, just after we got engaged 11 years ago!

@Bananarama I'm from Doncaster and it doesn't surprise me!

Not that weird I suppose because it was a group on a stag night...

But they’d sort of split up inside the nightclub (I assume just naturally rather than on purpose, but tbh that would make it funnier) so everywhere you went there was someone dressed as where’s Wally?

Go to the bar, in a crowd - there’s wally, go to dance to different music, in a crowd - there’s Wally, went out for a fag, there in a crowd... wally

Bananarama101 That’s an absolute beaut!

A fully grown woman enthusiastically and persistently humping a 6 foot light shade for a good 30 minutes inside a pub until it broke