Weirdest thing you've seen on a night out.

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

I was once in 'spoons (I know it says it all really) when a chap on the next table smashed a glass on the table and glassed himself in the forehead and said to his partner, as the blood poured down his face, "are you happy now?!".

Was in the same pub a couple of years earlier,, before it was a Spoons, and a fight broke out. Next thing someone hit another bloke on the back with a chair, just like they used to do in Westerns.

I have long since learned to say no to anyone who suggestions going to said pub

@NooneElseIsSingingMySong

I was on holiday with friends (U.K. based). We’d had quite a few beers and we decided it would be an ideal opportunity for one friend to teach us how to grapevine (she did aerobics) down the road back to the youth hostel. Then suddenly two men appeared riding Penny farthing bikes....we stopped in amazement, said nothing, then went back to doing the grapevine! It was so random it still gets brought up 20 years later

I can absolutely picture that, and can't help wondering if on a forum somewhere there's a bloke posting "I was riding my penny farthing one night when I can across this group of women..."

Seaside that reminds me of the Roger McGough Poem 'At Lunchtime'.

Mine are quite time by comparison...brawl in an all night cafe; a guy resisting arrest basically being wrestled to ground and hog-tied so the police could get him in the van and being evacuated from a nightclub due to a bomb scare.

Plus a couple of raids by immigration officials in a dodgy all you can eat Chinese restaurant (the food was soooo good though)!

Going back a few years ago, I saw Matt smith (dr who) making out with two random girls at the same time - when he was supposedly in a relationship with Lily James
Not that weird but just sticks in my head.

@Dillo10 Ooh, use your maternity leave to start writing your memoir!

I can recall one club night which involved a 50yo woman dressed as a fairy, a man in a gimp suit on a lead, two matching transwomen walking around with silver platters of fruit slices, a bloke in a day glo yellow outfit handing out colouring books and felt tip pens and a woman dressed as a tea lady with an urn on a trolley making cups of tea for anyone who wanted one.

Always at Halloween on nights out:

• the year when all of those Chilean miners got trapped underground. A group of (dressed up) Chilean miners walking down one side of the street shouting 'thanks guys!' to a couple of 'firefighters' on the other side Imof the street.

• Michael Jackson in a fist fight with a monster

Seen a bouncer knock a guy unconscious, ended up in court as a witness, he pleaded guilty. Was at a lock in at a village pub once and the barmaid was giving everyone free drinks as the owner was away (I was underage at the time lol) , she got a phonecall and one of the neighborhood watch had grassed her up, she said it was closed. We turned lights off and hid when he asked someone to check on the pub.

A fight in a kebab shop on a night out when I was in uni and the owner came out to separate the fight with his donner sword because they kept bumping into the display fridge and slot machine. They kept slipping and sliding because of the tiled floors it was absolutely hilarious at the time.

@ViciousJackdaw Sounds like some of the surreal places I've found myself in! Not sure I would dare write a memoir haha

A pub in west London on a Sunday afternoon - a fight broke out which spread through most of the people in there, and it was pretty full. I had to stand up on a chair at the side of the room to keep out of the way.

I was once walking home with some friends after a night out at about 2 in the morning. we may have been making a small amount of noise and someone leaned out of a flat window above a shot and threw a block of cheese at us.

Above a shop, stupid autocorrect.

Yeah, my husband, he got up on a pub table and got electrocuted from the exposed light fitting. I shit you not. He was fine. After awhile.

Oh yes and a friend and his mate were waiting at a bus stop in Edinburgh after a night out. A woman walked along, they said she was really attractive and dressed for night clubbing. She walked into the bus stop, squatted down, lifted her dress, had a massive shit. Stood up and pulled her dress down and walked on. Didn’t even look at them once.

😂😂these are keeping me entertained on a Sunday.
I’ve got a few...
Sad one: drunk pregnant girl pole dancing in Skegness- that would be a good 10 years ago now 😞
Gross one: bloke threw up in street dog came running up and started licking it 🤢
Crazy one: all waiting for taxi city centre and bloke goes on an absolute rampage with a baseball bat, smashing up gangs of blokes, cars, taxis driving past it was nuts. Everywhere was shut as it was after 2am we stood there completely clueless as what to do (me and my mate both about 18) bouncer of a side street casino called out to us so we ran in there and they locked the doors until police came to pick up Mr Bat
NYE seeing in year 2000 village pub just before countdown woman spotted her husband going into the men’s with a mate of hers caught them getting ‘friendly’ cue all mighty bust up the two women were literally scraping and being pushed out the door. We watch them battering each other while everyone was seeing in new year. The husband went back to his pint like nothing had happened!

I once saw a woman shit herself while dancing on a table in tiger tiger.

I also once saw a couple having sex in heaven, they weren’t even being discrete, the poor bouncers didn’t know what to grab 🤣

More scarily I had a bouncer try to hit me once. He was on his break and came over to the dance floor and asked me to dance. I said no. He asked again and sort of pulled me towards him. So I told him to fuck off.

He said, say that again and I’ll slap you one. So being me. I said it again.

And the fucker, raised his arm to hit me. Someone grabbed him and stopped it and he was removed and fired.

You know you’re in a good club when the bouncer tries to deck you.😂

Thought of another one..
in our village pub local bloke walks over to our group having a normal chat. He was bladdered so much so he didn’t notice completely pissing himself until our friend said you might want to take yourself home and get changed. He walked off leaving massive puddle there.
Wasn’t even a ‘night out’ this was a Sunday afternoon 😯

About 20 Santas on a tube. In August.

One December I was on a bus in Trafalgar Square and about 50 Santas on rollerblades passed us.

(Santas seem to be a theme in my life)

A girl my brother in law was seeing gave him a hand job at a concert many years ago.

A drug dealer literally thrown out by the landlord and bar tender. Got him by the legs and ams, chucked his arse onto the street.

Many years ago, parents and I stopped for lunch at a pub and there was a wedding reception there. I dont think we even made it into the building, because the bride, her mother and several bridesmaids came screaming out being chased by a man with a chainsaw. Parents bundled me back into the car, so I don't know what happened, but I think it was bride's ex and he was threatening to kill her and her mum.

My current shit boyfriend (I later found out he was a compulsive liar) told a bunch of people that my ex, in the same pub, had threatened him. He riled a load of people up and a fight started between his friends and the ex's mates. I left the pub. The boyfriend was annoyed that I didn't stay to 'support him' and I laughed, I had a sudden image of Dale Arden in Flash Gordon going "Go Flash, go!" With ridiculous imaginary pompoms. The guy's got a wife and kids now and she's lovely, I don't know how he's done it, but I feel for her.

Another time there was a fight that spilled out into the pub carpark and someone set off some CS gas. I don't remember whether it was the police or some idiot, there were plenty of idiots around.

This actually wasn't a pub but a restaurant - think they had too much to drink though so basically there was a couple across from us and when the waiter brought out the drinks the lady went to grab hers and accidentally knocked it over (genuine accident from what I could tell) and it went all over the bloke, she apologised but he was being a dick about it and he kept going on and on and on and on about it for at least half an hour so the lady ended up pouring a drink on herself and was like right we're both wet now can we just get on with it? He then went to the bathroom to clean up but never came back and left the poor lady with the bill - I nearly ended up paying for her but it would have been at least £100+ and I couldn't afford to do so, felt so bad for her :(

Drunk man at a taxi rank, drank from a puddle of water 🤢

My stories are a bit lame compared to some of the above...

I've seen people in all kinds of fancy dress, including Daleks. I've seen a few fights from a distance, and on one occasion a chair thrown through a window. Also seen someone beer in a very crowded dance hall. Naturally it drenched many more people than the target.

For some reason, I also remember an acquaintance falling over in his own vomit and getting up without a care in the world.

I used to work in hotels and restaurants. I have amazing stories!

Some just gross, like grown adults drinking far too much and having...erm... loo accidents. These were really nice places as well.

One thing I remember was a man being abandoned mid date. It was horrible. He seemed nice, so I felt sorry for him at the time, but who knows? Maybe he had said something awful to her. It was after the starters and he went to the loo. She came straight to the bar and asked me to get her a taxi all rushed. I called one, but the man came out of the loos and said "oh are you ok?" to her and she just smiled sheepishly at him. It was so awkward. Really expensive meal as well. I don't know if we charged him for the mains in the end.

Once, I was collecting glasses in a bar and had a stack of pint glasses up my arm and shoulder. A man went to hand me another and I said I'd have to come back for it, so he looked me in the eye and dropped the glass on the floor.

Another time at a mum and baby group we hosted, one of the mums ordered wine, but it was too early to serve alcohol and she hit the roof.

In the same hotel, we had a really drunk man in the bar who wasn't staying in the hotel. The barmaid said she couldn't serve him any more drinks, so he left, setting off the fire alarm before he did! The whole hotel had to be evacuated, including a family with a baby. Was horrendous.

We also had a couple check in, pissed, go up to their room and order wine from room service. It was delivered. Didn't hear from them. Next thing I knew an ambulance arrived. The story then came out, they were alcoholics who met at an AA meeting. They fell off the wagon together and checked into the hotel. They were having sex in the bath when they fell over and the woman broke a limb! Paramedics weren't terribly amused tbh, as the couple thought it was all hilarious.

Also had someone get drunk and deliberately break a door at reception. Bit silly. We were right there and had his credit card details!

I have so many. It was the best industry to work in for stories! Some good, some bad, lots bonkers.

Reminds me of this clip from a pub in Doncaster