Teenagers Cuddling in front of me.

[Shetland600]

Advice please: I (single father) allow my son's (age 14) girlfriend (age 13) stay over at weekends so that they can spend time together.
Otherwise, as Son and I live on a remote Scottish Isle and Girlfriend lives on a different isle , they would never see each other at weekends or school holidays. They have separate bedrooms (and creaky floorboards), no problem there (yet) but they have the use of a sitting room to themselves to watch tv, game etc. so they do have their own space downstairs.

I explained to them both, before her first visit, that I would feel uncomfortable if they were to cuddle, hug, lie under the same covers, kiss in front of me. Fine at first. After a few visits they have started to ignore this and at every turn I find them interlocked; in the kitchen, in the living room, basically everywhere, also kissing and snuggling under a duvet together. They seem to have have evolved into frontally co-joined teenagers. I felt awkward a so I tried to discuss this with my son who, basically exploded and seems to think its OK to make me feel uncomfortable in my home, and if mentioned goes in to mega-teen-sulk. I have now asked them both together to respect my request, but no, they still think it's OK. The smart thing for them to do would be to wait until I popped out but they are still so publicly clingy. I really don't want to go down the line of saying that Girlfriend can't visit anymore as this would make Son very unhappy. Welcome any thoughts on how to deal with this, possibly without bucket of cold water......... :-)

What do her parents think ?

I haven't asked, maybe need to get in touch.

You have a 13 year old girl staying with you for entire weekends and you have no idea of what her parents boundary wishes are?

Apologies, for clarity. I spoke to her mother before the first visit to discuss ground rules , separate bedrooms, no public kissing, cuddling etc. She was fine with this. Need to engage her support.

Should say I haven't spoke to her mother about this recent increase in affectionate behavior. Its on the things to do list.

Do you not remember being a teenager?

Surely it's simple? They either follow the rules, of she doesn't stay over. Not your problem if they don't see each other at the weekends. It's a consequence of not doing what you have asked.

Also, presumably they live in the school hostel during the week so see each other all week anyway? There's no need for teens that age to be having
weekend sleepovers.

Oh diddums your son would be unhappy if he could not spend a weekend with his girlfriend. Perhaps he ought to be for a couple of weekends given a simple request is ignored.

Most 14 year olds would hang for the opportunity he has.

Yes. I didn't carry on like that in front of my folks then, never have and wouldn't now.

It has to stop - you told your son and he has gone against what you said. You shouldn’t be made to feel uncomfortable in your own home. Just tell them unless they can act in a grown up manner then the games off and she can’t stay over.
They are being rude tbh.

I have a DD13. I would not be comfortable with this set up at all! You are providing them with all the space and time to be sexually active at a such young age. 13 is really young.
I understand the girls mother is ok with this set up but you’re obviously not as it’s making you feel uncomfortable. If you want to roll things back the pandemic gives you a perfect excuse to change the set up (although I admit I’m no au fair with the current social distancing laws in Scotland).
Can they interact online for a few weeks to calm things down? Many other couples are having to do this at the moment, I don’t think it’s going to do these two any harm in the long term.

I remember being a teenager. You can't keep your hands off your boyfriend/girlfriend. So whilst I think it's important that they follow your rules and there being consequences for not, perhaps sit down with them and work out those rules with them. So perhaps no duvets (trust me, as a teen, hands would wander everywhere, even if other people were in the room), but kissing in the kitchen is okay.

And I know you said would make him unhappy if she can't come. But he is being pretty disrespectful.

I know that they are teenagers, but if you happened to share a house with an adult who was in a relationship would you try to set the boundary of no PDA between them. Do you know why you are uncomfortable with the teens doing PDA

@Shetland600

Apologies, for clarity. I spoke to her mother before the first visit to discuss ground rules , separate bedrooms, no public kissing, cuddling etc. She was fine with this. Need to engage her support.

I get the separate bedrooms but she wants the kissing and cuddling to take place in private?

Jesus why on earth would you let a 13 year old girl stay over i don't care how unhappy your son becomes by the sounds of things it won't be long until they are creeping into each others room put a stop to this sooner the better.

@1950s1
He is uncomfortable because it is bad manners.

I am over 60 but can still remember my mum telling me it was not appropriate to hold hands under the dinner table with my BF . I accepted what she said and behaved accordingly - her house her rules.

Difficult if your DS blatantly ignores your rules, I have a teenage DS and fortunately he's never been overly affectionate with his GF in front of us.

Agree with others, just tell him his GF can no longer visit if they can't respect 'house rules'.

Quite possibly because they are kids not adults.

I don't see how PDA between two people in a relationship is an issue. It is none of anyone else's business. If they were having sex I would have a different opinion because they are underage.

Youre the adult here you need to make it clear they stick by your rules or the visits stop.

@Shetland600

Apologies, for clarity. I spoke to her mother before the first visit to discuss ground rules , separate bedrooms, no public kissing, cuddling etc. She was fine with this. Need to engage her support.

They've broken the ground rules so there needs to be a stoppage in the visits until they are mature enough to respect the rules you've given them.

Stop it now. They are children ffs.

I think 13 is really too young for this set up .At this age feelings can quite easily take over ,and you could have a pregnant teenager on your conscience!At any rate she is way under the age of consent ,and your Son will be breaking the law if they have sex! Maybe curtail these visits to your home for now .

@1950s1

I don't see how PDA between two people in a relationship is an issue. It is none of anyone else's business. If they were having sex I would have a different opinion because they are underage.

Well if they are constantly snogging and snuggling under duvets etc it possibly won’t be long before they are. She’s 13, a child. They need to cool down, such a physical relationship isn’t appropriate.