Best parenting advice you had

[Alfredandgeorgesgrandma]

We all get given mostly unwelcomed advice on how to parent our children but was any of it any good?

The best thing I was told was from my SIL. She said get each child two identical Santa Sacks for Christmas, put one at the end of their bed Christmas Eve and have the other pre stuffed with the presents hidden somewhere. Then when the little darlings finally fall asleep simply change one for the other thus avoiding making lots of noise in a quiet house and waking the little darlings up.

What's yours?

A dirty child is a happy child.

Also - everyone is good at something, you just need to find out what it is you're good at.

Don't sweat the small stuff.

Don't rock your baby to sleep.
From my dsis who had rocked oldest to sleep and couldn't put him down without rocking him first.

Children are young for a very short time so the odd pack of chocolate buttons, dinner in bed when they're poorly or really tired and comforting them how they need it ok. I remember this when my 2 year old asks to go to bed and watch telly or to be rocked. Its her safe space and its ok to create that time for her.

Probably loads but what’s coming to mind isn’t advice as such. I met an acquaintance who described the first year of her child’s life as ‘traumatic’, when it was just the usual parenting trauma of chronic poor sleep, breastfeeding problems etc. It was such a relief to me and put words to what I felt! And made me feel that I hadn’t failed. For some, its such fucking relentless slog which comes as a shock and she was the first person who openly discussed that with me. I think that was pre me being on MN, I should add, I now realise it’s very common!

Baby won't fit around you, so don't attempt it.

I tied myself in knots trying to get a preemie newborn into a routine, it didn't work. I broke down in tears with the HV and she said the above.
I gave up after that and let her decide when she was going to eat, sleep, play... we was much calmer after that.

I've never been strict since with routine and she's a very easy going child now.

When they are very small, get yourself showered and dressed first or it'll never happen.

Treasure the early years as those memories will get both of you through adolescence when it hits.

Regarding housework in the early days - lower your standards. Have you done that? Good, now lower them again.

Co-sleep

Let them learn to self-settle. From my mum.
Ignored her with DS1 (who has a dreadful sleeper and then had 2 children who slept through at 12 weeks 7-7.

The days are long but the years are short.

A stranger on a morning beach visit once stopped us to ask whether it was our baby's first time at the beach. We said yes.

He said to cherish every moment as they grow up so fast. His children were grown up now and he could think back to the days when they were small and playing on the beach.

I think about it every time we go to the beach now.

Tempusfudgeit great advice, great user name!

Pick your battles.

Get a really comfy sling.

Don't believe it if everyone at baby club says their baby sleeps through the night.

Remember that you are trying to create a functional adult not an obedient child.

The best parenting advice for me came from a mum who had five children. I was pregnant with my first, and she said, 'laugh when you want to, cry when you want to.'
For some reason, it always stuck with me. (Both children now mid forties).

You get what needs sorted when you're ready.

When I said I felt guilty for sitting with my the 6 year old in front of the telly, I was scolded because I was spending time with her which is a good thing

Cuddle your teenager everyday!
I also say I love you more times a day that I can count. I get told it in return too

Do what works for you, and ignore any 'advice' to the contrary - as an example, when she was a toddler, DD slept 11pm - 8am with a two hour nap in the day. We got a lot of comments on it, but I really really didn't want to be getting up at 5am....

Pick your battles. By night time if everyone is fed and not dead you are doing a brilliant job (from my DF when I felt like I hadn't done enough, been present enough and given DS a night time bath).

For the baby years - as a PP, teach them to self-settle. Even if that means sleep training. Worked like a charm.

For older kids: if you're going to give in, do it straight away.

The best parenting advice i ever received was technically relationship advice.

"Your partner will do things differently to you. They will do things you wouldn't do in ways you wouldn't do them. THAT IS OK. You are not the same person, you will parent differently, things that work for you won't work for him and vice versa, and that doesn't mean either of you are wrong. Or right. Trying to force him to be the same parent you are will make him a bad parent, even though you're not one."

Listen to all the advice.

Then chose the ones you want to do. You don't have to do it all.

Your kid will repeatedly do the thing you don't want them to do until you get the response right. So if you have a shit day and you feel like you've failed, you can bet they'll behave that way again until you figure out what need the behaviour is communicating. Plenty of second third 40th chances to figure it out and get it right!