I know I’m being silly, but might this upset you a tiny bit?

[ChooseYourLameName]

DC is 3 today. It’s now gone 11am and still no interest in the pile of presents laid out for him.

I feel really sad, that he just isn’t interested. I long to have an excited child. Christmas is even worse I’d love nothing more than to have to tell him to tone it done with his wish list (obviously not a written one).

I know this is just how he is but I feel a bit robbed when it comes to these occasions.

I tried encouraging him to look and he was quite pissed I’d tried interrupting breakfast time of toast and smoothie!

Oh, I remember wanting my DDs to be excited about Christmas, so that I could enjoy making it magical for them. They both started getting into it at around the same time, DD1 was 8 and DD2 was 6. If you keep on making special days special, not just with presents but doing lovely things together he'll probably get it in his own time.

I really like @GloGirl 's post, btw. I have done plenty of apparently odd things in my time which have all pleased my ASD child. I don't think I ever bought him a single toy, once it became clear that toys were not going to be of any interest at all unlike a box of washing machine bits

OP I understand. My son has ASD, sounds similar to your son but he’s 7 now.
It’s only now really that he’s started understanding opening a present.
If I wrapped up a pack of 50p Oreos and a multipack if fruitellas he would be as happy as if you spent 5 grand!

I have a DS a bit like this, who's now a teenager. And tbh I'm a bit like it myself. There are things I like, but I find presents stressful, especially wrapped up presents that you have to open in front of people. I like Christmas food and decorations, but I'd happily get rid of the presents part.

My DS doesn't want things like clothes, games etc like other kids seem to (my DD for example!), but he does often like something quirky and unexpected. When he was younger we sometimes had a trip or experience for his birthday instead - when he was 3 we went to a robot dinosaur show.

As your DS gets older you could chat to him about birthdays and doing something special or getting something he likes, and see what he says. Maybe he'll ask for something, or maybe you'll find something he likes doing or has an interest in - art, climbing, boats or whatever (a friend's DS loves ferries!) that you could make into a birthday treat, with his agreement.

My DS was like that when he was tiny too. Like a PP, opening christmas or birthday presents could run into two days because he just wasn't bothered. And, then sometimes when he did open them, he'd play with the box or paper more than the present. And he'd prefer the tiny stocking filler to his main present, etc. It was a constant lesson in adjusting expectations. Now he's older, at high school and it's completely different - he rushes through opening everything!
I think your need to be organised and have some parts of your day follow your expectations is bumping up against your DS' need to be himself iyswim

@ImaSababa

I'd much rather that than a grabby, greedy child.

Definitely. Also at 3 he’s unlikely to understand what a birthday actually is.

OP it’s lovely that he’s not grabby. Happy birthday to your boy.

I don't think my son gave a monkeys about presents at that age to be honest.

A neighbour gave him a very nice car at three, he took one look at it and threw it on the floor shouting I hate it.

I was mortified.

He was much more interested at four. I took him to Hamleys and he had a great time wanting everything in there.

Mine is a few years older and is similar. He's a great kid. People have different traditions for a reason - you've got loads of time to suss out what yours likes. This year we tried a new breakfast (poptarts!) which by all estimation should have been a megahit and he didn't like them, so I've got a bunch in the cupboard uneaten now 😆 it's all experimentation.

My DS is like this. He's now a teen and still doesn't need or want a lot of presents. It took me a long time to realise that he doesn't even mind when other people have lots of presents and he has none! He is happy with what he asked for (usually an experience, or money.)

Last Christmas he was excited about an online computing course that he asked for and genuinely didn't mind that there was nothing under the tree for him.
When he was younger I asked him why he wanted for his birthday and he said he wanted 10 goes on the merry-go-round at the beach. So I bought him a card of ten rides. He did them over and over and it took like 2 hours! The lady running it was a bit confused. I said that he was an unusual boy and that is what he really really wanted. Saying that out loud allowed me to enjoy giving him what we wants and not what everyone expects him to want.

He still has no interest in clothes, toys, bikes, phones... but will get pretty excited with a scratch card or a new calculator...? I think he's lovely. and... different.

OP my son has never ever been one to be excited about presents or to really want a particular present. He is 8 now and has only just started asking if he can have x item for Christmas. It is actually lovely as they get older.

Fwiw at that age my DS was VERY similar. I often grabbed presents and rewrapped and regifted them back to him 6 months later - what harm is there in it? Usually he would be much more interested at the next present-giving opportunity. Win-win.

Lockdown milestones are hard though aren't they. So much pressure all on the parent to make the day special, and loneliness and a lot of disappointment at times. I long for the times when a special occasion just meant getting the kids together, sugaring them up, letting them run around, and enjoying some prosecco at the grownup table

@IceFrost we did all the mentos I could find this year, big hit!

I think that it is pretty normal for children have to learn to like some things.

What experience does he have of things that come into his world wrapped up? (Bills - junk mail etc.?) Are the things he meets this way the ones that give him unalloyed joy? Probably not. This will probably change.

It is such fun to be able to grant a child their heart's desires. Material things don't give that sort of joy for long... but your hugs and showers do.

I have a 3 year old in about a week, I know I'll be unwrapping the presents for her, she still has no concept of it.
She does like bikes though, so I say "would you like a bike?" And she says "Yeah!" So that's probably as close as a 3 year old is going to get.

Unwrap one with him. He sounds contented and happy and as a mum with a child with autism you have to adjust your social expectations to match your child.

If it helps I got my DS (who has ASD) an expensive pair of trainers one birthday. He’d seen them a couple of weeks earlier and really wanted them. I got them delivered and left the box in the living room for him to open in his own time.

I was in the kitchen when I heard him squeal with excitement. Makes you feel good doesn’t it. He came bouncing through to the kitchen, massive cheesy grin, brandishing.... the box. The friggin box! He’d discarded the trainers and LOVED the box. Ah well

My daughter does not have ASD. So not everyone who don't get excited about presents doesn't mean they have it. They get excited about other things like spending time with family or friends

[quote Mashingthecompost]@IceFrost we did all the mentos I could find this year, big hit![/quote]
Mentos are another favourite here too! And soft mints!

Starburst are another one!

I don't remember ever being excited about presents. My mum said loads of Christmases her and dad would be up excitedly waiting for my brother and I to get up but even on Xmas morning as young children we preferred sleeping in!

As an older child/young teen I remember her doing Xmas decorating and baking etc and trying to get us involved and neither us wanting to be. By about 14 I'd moved from being ambivalent about presents to fearing them and at 41 I have finally managed to insist I am bought none, ever.

Even as a very young child I was just hugely uncomfortable with celebrations I think. Too out of the norm, too awkward, too much expectation that made them just hard work.

My daughter does not have ASD. So not everyone who don't get excited about presents doesn't mean they have it. They get excited about other things like spending time with family or friends

No, but no social interaction, 0 interest in toys, doesn’t point or make eye contact really, not speaking and no understanding of basic instructions usually does

My daughter does not have ASD. So not everyone who don't get excited about presents doesn't mean they have it. They get excited about other things like spending time with family or friends
Mine doesn't have ASD either, and he is still the same at 14. Of course, other signs may point to ASD, but I don't think not getting excited about presents is specifically an ASD thing.

The Christmas DS2 was 3, he took three whole days to open his presents (and there really weren't that many). He was overwhelmed. That might be part of it for your DS - but totally get you being excited to give and then deflated.

My goddaughter is still a little like this, NT as far as we know but a quirky lovable little soul. On her fourth birthday she came in and her Mum tried to get her to open her presents, she sat down, touched one, said "no thank you" and took herself out into the garden to water the plants! Her Mum's face was a picture, absolutely devastated. We opened the wine and started the yearly tradition of "crazy things our kids do that we love" chat. She's 8 now and still is uninterested in presents.