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Original poster

I know I’m being silly, but might this upset you a tiny bit?

96 replies

ChooseYourLameName · 17/11/2020 11:20

DC is 3 today. It’s now gone 11am and still no interest in the pile of presents laid out for him.

I feel really sad, that he just isn’t interested. I long to have an excited child. Christmas is even worse Sad I’d love nothing more than to have to tell him to tone it done with his wish list (obviously not a written one).

I know this is just how he is but I feel a bit robbed when it comes to these occasions.

I tried encouraging him to look and he was quite pissed I’d tried interrupting breakfast time of toast and smoothie! Blush

OP posts:
DGRossetti · 17/11/2020 11:56

My memory of DS at 3 was the wrapping paper was far more exciting than the gifts.

trevthecat · 17/11/2020 11:56

My ds was 3 a few weeks ago. He didn't show much interest. In fact we actually took a few bits away and are now for Xmas. It was all too much for him

Enough4me · 17/11/2020 11:56

When my DS doesn't get excited by the things that I expect him to, which most DCs love, I try to put myself in his shoes.

He needs to focus on what is going on in his head and interrupting those thoughts requires time to slow down and change direction. He is also loving, but not a people-pleaser. Specific things make him happy, e.g. having choice of food rather than surprise gifts.

I have the same focus needs, e.g. if I'm cooking and asked questions I can feel really put out; it is as though my mind isn't set to talk mode and resists.

Does your DS prefer preparation time?
Maybe don't mention the presents until he's eaten. Then as he finishes ask him, presents now or after brushing teeth?
Give him some control through choice.

Original poster
ChooseYourLameName · 17/11/2020 11:56

Bunny thank you, it’s nice to see a bit of light hearted suggestion that there may be an actual personality at play in addition to being ASD. It makes things feel a bit more normal Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
ChooseYourLameName · 17/11/2020 11:58

Does your DS prefer preparation time?
Maybe don't mention the presents until he's eaten. Then as he finishes ask him, presents now or after brushing teeth?
Give him some control through choice.

My DC doesn’t understand ‘Get me your coat’, let alone anything as complex as that Sad

OP posts:
Jgb12 · 17/11/2020 11:58

My two were never overly interested in presents at this age. In a year or two I’m sure he’ll love it!

I’ve just seen that he had suspected asd. Hang in there. My 9 year old has autism. He was not interested in presents at all at 3. But by 4/5 he loved it. It might be because your little
One is overwhelmed or it may be because he just doesn’t understand there’s surprises underneath the wrap (this was the case for DS). Rest assured he absolutely loves presents now age 9.

Bunnymumy · 17/11/2020 12:02

Yeah you never know :) he's only wee so he'll still be coming into himself, developing his own little personality. It sounds like you're on the ball keeping an eye on things anyway.

Hm2020 · 17/11/2020 12:03

I don’t think my son would get through all his presents at 3 we’d have to still open some for him later every year he gets more and more excited let me tell you at 6 he definitely get through them now but still not that quick and may not play with everything for a few weeks but does love presents now and is soo excited for Christmas and birthdays so in my case it got better over time and we don’t have massive amounts of presents (small family)

PerkingFaintly · 17/11/2020 12:04

Ah, Flowers OP. I saw your other thread about Xmas cards and felt for you.

You're spending your time and care trying to do little nice things to make other people happy, and they're ignoring these or sulking about them.

Your DS is too young to really care right now, and it may just be who he is.

Your mother, on the other hand, should know better! I wonder if she habitually criticises you and undermines your self-esteem? If so, no wonder you're so hurt.

We can all take the occasional rebuff, but not an unremitting stream of rejection. I don't know if that's your situation, but Flowers if so. It's rough. But also, it's not you, it's them.

Heartofglass12345 · 17/11/2020 12:04

Can you open them for him with him sat next to you? Maybe less pressure?
My son was 5 the other day and he didn't even have that many presents but I could tell he was getting a bit fed up of opening them towards the end, and that was after opening the ones off us in the morning and the rest after school. He has suspected autism, and my oldest has a diagnosis of autism but he's the opposite, he gets very jealous on other people's birthdays and find it hard that its not his, also doesn't have a concept of how far away his birthday is, so we buy him a little present and his brother doesn't mind letting him open some of his either. I know some people say it's spoilt and wrong, but I'd rather that than see him upset and potentially spoil his brothers birthday!
I get what you mean about milestones as well, as my son is getting older it's becoming more obvious that he is different from other children his age, especially emotionally. I hope you're ok Thanks

DGRossetti · 17/11/2020 12:05

DW has reminded me of a present we bought ("Happy Street" Smile) that DS showed zero interest with for Xmas. So we rewrapped it, and it became a 3 year smash at the next birthday.

Owlsonmyroof · 17/11/2020 12:07

He’s only young, but I was a bit like that easily overwhelmed as a child and that could cause me to go a bit quite at birthdays and Christmas even when I was older. On the other hand my brother was very excitable and would be shouting and ripping everything open. Now we’re adults and he doesn’t bother about Christmas or birthdays now. He just goes through the motions where as for me the magic of Christmas is still very much alive. It’s just a different way of being but it can have advantages.

kittensarecute · 17/11/2020 12:07

@ChooseYourLameName

DC is 3 today. It’s now gone 11am and still no interest in the pile of presents laid out for him.

I feel really sad, that he just isn’t interested. I long to have an excited child. Christmas is even worse Sad I’d love nothing more than to have to tell him to tone it done with his wish list (obviously not a written one).

I know this is just how he is but I feel a bit robbed when it comes to these occasions.

I tried encouraging him to look and he was quite pissed I’d tried interrupting breakfast time of toast and smoothie! Blush

My nephew is the same, he is three on Thursday. He likes to open one, look at it for a bit and then go back to them when he is ready. My brother was the same at that age too.
Happymum12345 · 17/11/2020 12:09

3 is still very young. Is he your first? I remember with my first, he didn’t get birthdays for quite a while & is still quite relaxed about them now. When I had other children they learnt from my eldest about the excitement of Christmas and birthdays. What do his nursery say?

JoinTheMicrodots · 17/11/2020 12:11

@ChooseYourLameName this is going to sound really pernickety, but you can't be ASD. You can be autistic, and you can have ASD, but a person can't be a condition, and it really grates on me when people say "he is ASD" - no; he has ASD and he is autistic.

Regarding the presents, I'd try waiting for a natural pause, eg he's just finished eating, or just got dressed, get one of his presents (one that you think he'll be interested to play with) and say "can you help me open this present now, to see what's inside?". If he says no, or tells you to open it, then open it, low-key narrating as you do so, and then start playing with it. He may well join you, or at least observe you playing with it and become interested.

ClaireP20 · 17/11/2020 12:12

This made me smile OP, because mine were the same. Wait until he gets to 6....and he's waking up at 4am to open presents....I promise, he just loves his life and being with his mum and eating breakfast. He doesn't express the highs of getting pressies at 3 because he has a lovely life already. X

ClaireP20 · 17/11/2020 12:13

@Happymum12345

3 is still very young. Is he your first? I remember with my first, he didn’t get birthdays for quite a while & is still quite relaxed about them now. When I had other children they learnt from my eldest about the excitement of Christmas and birthdays. What do his nursery say?
This is absolutely true x
bucketofcoffee · 17/11/2020 12:18

Reading your original post reminded me of one of my DCs with ASD. Even now, at age 15, Christmas and birthdays hold no excitement. They just cause D.C. added stress and anxiety...there is such a social expectation around birthdays and Christmas and most ASD don't adhere to those expectations. The hardest was trying to tell grandparents not to expect any reaction to their presents.

I would say, if he is possibly ASD, then unwrap the presents with him and just don't expect a reaction of any sort.

TheFormidableMrsC · 17/11/2020 12:19

@ChooseYourLameName

Alternative He has suspected ASD, but all speech and language and testing stopped that he was suppose to have because of COVID. I just feel left in the dark. Horrible time in general, but I’m usually great day to day. It’s milestones like this that really pull at me, ridiculous I know
My ASD son was like this when he was little. I could have given him a brown cardboard box and he would have been more excited. He's 9 now and loves a present although still finds the whole opening thing a bit overwhelming so screams and jumps around a lot and does a lot of stimming.

I just wanted to reassure you that if your DS does have SN, this isn't unusual behaviour. My advice would be to just move them away and leave them until he's ready to have a look. I know how underwhelming this is so have some Flowers

JoinTheMicrodots · 17/11/2020 12:20

Also, I'm trying to think of a kind way to put this, which won't offend you, but try to let go of the image you have of the excited child ripping open presents at first light. He's his own person (regardless of whether he's autistic or not), and not everyone likes fuss and being expected to emote/ enthuse. He's too young to be consciously aware of your expectations, obviously, but kids pick up on more than we realise, and autistic kids can be finely tuned to any deviation from their usual routines. Keep everything 'normal' (ie don't interrupt his breakfast!) and casually introduce one present at a time, naturally spaced out and without making a big deal of it.

Eckhart · 17/11/2020 12:20

Possibly he senses that you're looking for a reward for yourself, rather than just giving the presents to him, for him to enjoy in his own time.

That's the reason I have always hated opening presents in front of people. My mum expected a response, and if the presents weren't as good as she thought they were, I felt I'd been a disappointment. I was very small when I realised this. And I imagine I was doing it before I realised it too.

TheFormidableMrsC · 17/11/2020 12:21

Oh and just to add, from his birthday IN MARCH, we have a months long countdown until Christmas. On Boxing Day, the countdown to the birthday starts. Now THAT drives me mad! Grin

Witchend · 17/11/2020 12:27

Mine love presents but we've never had from any of them the full waking at 4am, dashing down to open them etc.

We open stocking presents at between 8am and 9am when everyone's awake, birthday presents are after school/work, so in the evening.

When dd1 was 2yo we ended up giving her Christmas presents one at a time over a few weeks as she was the first of the next generation on both sides and we had huge numbers of presents from great-aunts, second cousins etc who wanted to give something, and she was just overwhelmed on the day and didn't want to open anything else.

ILoveYourLittleHat · 17/11/2020 12:30

If he's "quite pissed" you've got bigger problems OP Grin

Honestly, you'll know the things he likes, smoothies, tv show, whatever... just be led by him. X

ILoveYourLittleHat · 17/11/2020 12:33

Oh, you're the mum Christmas card op? Dear lord that thread is crazy. Hope you're not feeling too bad. My dc took weeks to open their presents at that age and were more interested in playing "wrap up a present" with used wrapping paper and their own toys!