I know I’m being silly, but might this upset you a tiny bit?

[ChooseYourLameName]

DC is 3 today. It’s now gone 11am and still no interest in the pile of presents laid out for him.

I feel really sad, that he just isn’t interested. I long to have an excited child. Christmas is even worse I’d love nothing more than to have to tell him to tone it done with his wish list (obviously not a written one).

I know this is just how he is but I feel a bit robbed when it comes to these occasions.

I tried encouraging him to look and he was quite pissed I’d tried interrupting breakfast time of toast and smoothie!

[GloGirl]

Fuck it, enjoy yourself and try wrapping up some of his lunch like a block of cheese.

Lean in to his quirks have a celebrate yourself and you can put his gifts into his toy collection.

A lot of children struggle with new and a child with ASD might struggle with object permanence - eg what is inside the wrapping is different than just some new wrapping.

What sort of thing does he enjoy having or interacting with?

[Pythonesque]

It sounds like the best birthday present would be if you got a message that speech and language were restarting assessments and giving you an appointment for him.

I hope you do get some support or start to soon.

[Illberidingshotgun]

My DS (11) has always been like this, although slowly is getting to enjoy presents a bit more. He autistic, and has learning disabilities, but as PP have said, this is not uncommon in NT children too. I totally get how sad that this can make you, when as a parent you are so excited that it's their birthday and want to make the day special. Perhaps spend some time doing his favourite things, even if these are things that aren't seen as usual birthday activities. What makes him excited, happy. What makes him laugh?

[IhateBoswell]

My soon to be 6 year old has autism and we can never get him to open a present (he has no problem opening a box of ice lollies when he wants one though 😂).
I’ll still wrap his presents though in the hope he’ll open maybe one of them.

[allthewaterinthetap]

I definitely get it! I have asd and was/am just like this.

[ChooseYourLameName]

What makes him excited, happy
What makes him laugh?

Honestly? It sounded so bland but just doing his usual routine - Nice hot shower when he gets up, brushes his teeth, cuddles me. Eats. Cuddles me again and runs around jumping off of my furniture like it’s trampoline land (but ironically hates trampolining). Seeing his cousins. He doesn’t play with them but he adores being in other peoples company, just ‘being’. He loves company! From adults mostly

He’s a very very loving little boy, but never in your face. He’s gorgeous. I just wish he could give me something else, just once.

But you know what? There are certain autistic traits I can understand because they are similar to myself. DS has never seemed fussed over routine but I have been extremely upright since age 7/8. Refusing to attend sleep overs unless I was promised at least a shower before bed by the parent taking me. I made my mum ask in advance and it’s something i would feel completely elevated by once it was done and I could relax, knowing it was done. I don’t have any other ‘OCD qualities’ I don’t think. Just that, has to be that. If you offered me 20k in exchange for me not showering tonight, I’d run for the hills for no reason whatsoever. I can’t explain it myself as I’m a very clean person and never dirty anyway (but I don’t have a germ fear, don’t mind mud etc).

I insisted on being ‘ready’ as a child before opening presents and am the same today. I will wake earlier so H isn’t put out that I want to be sorted for the day before opening anything

[52andblue]

My ds has ASD and is 16 and still doesnt know what he wants for Xmas or Bdays and hates opening presents.

My dd is 13. Two years ago she asked for boxes and boxes of tissues and a large block of cheddar. She got that. She didn't want 'lots of other things thank you'. So I added 1 box of her fave chocs.

Your child is only 3. It could be that. It could be ASD traits.
Give it time. x

[kowari]

My 14 year old has never been fussed about presents, and hates surprises. He's just never been very materialistic or shown much attachment to possessions. Doesn't care about brand name clothing either. It's just how he is.

[GrandUnion]

Your last post sounds nicely insightful of your specific child, OP. I can understand wanting something else from your child, but honestly, we get the child we get. NT or not, we can't be parenting some imaginary ideal child that exists only in our heads, but our own actual specific child!

[SummerHeatwave]

My daughter covered her eyes with her hands on her second birthday and stayed like that for 2 hours after we showed her her presents!! Tbf I had had my second baby just a few days prior to her birthday and she was finding it all a bit overwhelming. (She's 18 now and we've only recently realised she has ASD.)

[MolyHolyGuacamole]

Suspected ASD, then he's only seeing a pile of paper. Unwrap them and present them to him one by one, so that he can see what they are.

[BiBabbles]

I can see that being sad when there are so many images around of tiny kids who get very excited about these things everywhere. As others said, he's still small and some kids do take longer to get these things. My oldest was nearly 6 before birthdays and other special occasions really clicked for him.

I remember when it did - we were sitting on the bus and a couple in front of us were discussing birthday cakes and he just got this look on his face. I asked him if he was okay and he slowly started to ask about his birthday and whether he was going to get cake. I talked about how it was his special day and we could get a cake and have a party and he was so pleased about about getting a cake big enough for him and his friends (this child's first definite word was "yummy" in a restaurant at nearly 3, food makes the occasion for him though now he likes electronics to go with them...).

Something that helped him (and me) out was not having wrapped presents as a pile seemed a bit much for him, and instead I got one large gift bag that we've used for nearly all gifts since. I let him pick one of these out so it's easy open and he can pull them out at his own speed. It's a bit awkward now as a teenager as his gifts look really small in there compared, but it's really helped make occasions exciting for him and his siblings.

[MotherForker]

My ASD dd is 8 and like birthdays and Xmas, but also finds them stressful. She hates surprises so prefers to know what her presents are. Wrapped presents that she doesn't know what they are stress her out. She loves her everyday routine and that's fine, it is who she is.

[Wildwitchofthewest]

Just wait 2 years!

[2bazookas]

Try playing Hide and Seek with a couple of the presents.

[JoeBidenIsGreat]

I'm sure he's a bucket of sweetness in most ways, OP.

Can you be excited for him? You can have feelings he doesn't have, Say "I got you something I hope you'll love. Wwould you help me open this and we can see if you like it?" and then make it into a positive shared moment, whatever happens about whether the gift was a good one.

No expectations about "stuff" but you can still have a great day together.

[CloudyVanilla]

Honsetly? My gut instinct is that showing no curiosity at all in a pile of new things, presents or otherwise, is unusual for a child that age. My son has also just turned three and he was excited to see he had presents.

I don't think at that age it has anything at all whatsoever to do with being grabby, greedy, materialistic or not. I would expect children to be interested in anything place in their space and gently I would be keeping an eye on that sort of stuff as he develops. He sounds like a fantastic little boy though!

[SimoneLeBone]

OP, one of mine would have preferred the washing machines pages of the Argos catalogue to a pile of presents when he was three. Your son is lovely just the way he is.

[TheYearOfSmallThings]

I know what you mean OP. We have pictures in our minds of how things will be (especially milestone events like birthdays), and when it isn't like that, it stings a bit. I remember trotting into DS's first nativity all happy and festive, and then plodding home after watching him standing staring vacantly into space while the other children sang and waved at their parents and ran amok. The contrast between our subconscious expectations and the reality becomes very clear at these times.

Re the gifts - after spending several years wrapping and then unwrapping DS's gifts, I also recommend gift bags or tissue paper.

[LittleOverwhelmed]

At 3 they are still so young... Christmas abs birthdays aren’t really big for many of them and summer holidays are more preparation, faff and clearing up than fun... But as they get older it does change. They get excited, they love the traditions (that they have experienced since birth), they request “Christmas music” whilst they help you decorate the tree

DS is 10 and, strangely, last Christmas was the first that he took AGES to get to sleep and didn’t sleep in the next morning either. Expecting this year to be hell

[HuaShan]

Honestly, I would not worry too much. My ds was very similar, he just hates a fuss! One year we were still opening Christmas presents at Easter. One year he put an i- pod in the bin because it was 'too much' (it became mine). Over the years we have learnt to buy functional presents (gets easier when they needs bikes and laptops). He is now 19, a fully functional adult at university who buys nice presents for others but still hates a fuss. This year he wants a rice cooker and Frank Sinatra CD's

[SinkGirl]

Hugs to you OP. My twins are 4 and both autistic. Last Christmas was the first time they’ve shown any interest at all in presents - one of them had some fun unwrapping gifts and a bit of interest in what was inside. The other really wasn’t fussed. Their 4th birthday was recently and they weren’t really fussed - I bought too much and still have three of the gifts wrapped upstairs as they sat on the table for three days.

I would love them to be interested in or excited for Christmas and I find it quite upsetting sometimes but overall I feel much better than I did last year - they are making bits of progress at their own pace and have just started at an ASD school. I’m sure one day they will be excited for Christmas!

[Heatherjayne1972]

Aw bless him. As I understand it children with ASD can’t cope with something being different from ‘the normal’
After all you probably don’t open presents everyday so it’s the feeling of today being ‘different’ that’s uncomfortable for him

I’d go with the one present at a time approach

[SinkGirl]

As I understand it children with ASD can’t cope with something being different from ‘the normal’

That’s not always the case.

My two aren’t upset by change, they’re just not interested. One has no interest in toys whatsoever so there’s nothing I could give him other than food that he’d be interested in. They don’t understand any words, or what birthdays are - it’s not the change, they are just developmentally like infants in a lot of areas.

[Househunter2021]

I was like this as a child with Christmas. Never asked for anything, didn’t write lists for Santa, I said thank you for everything I was given but I just didn’t get excited. My stepdad when I was younger, in an effort to get the excitement he craved, set me a “treasure hunt” one year. I got so much stuff and while I was appreciative, it didn’t elicit the excitement that he wanted which in turn caused an argument with my mum (he was abusive). I’m still the same, I’m not that interested in Christmas, I don’t even put a tree up. I’m still really hard to buy for, both for birthdays and Christmas. But in recent years I’ve started asking for things that I won’t buy for myself anymore (due to being a real grown up with a house, car and bills of my own 😂).

3 is quite young but my nephew is 3 and is quite excited about presents at any time of the year, we’ve asked him directly what he wants from Santa (instead of his mum) because he can articulate his wants. He’s extremely excited this year, not so much last year. Same with his birthday a few months ago, was over the moon with all his gifts. Last year he wasn’t too bothered.

My mum eventually just accepted that I wasn’t an excitable child, though her and my sister are completely obsessed with Christmas so she didn’t miss out on the pleasure of seeing a child ecstatic over gifts.