Deathtrap at friend's house WWYD

[Carouselfish]

Dc5 has a close friend aged 6, I'm also good friends with their mum. They rent on private land and the landowner has a covered pool next to their house. It's covered with fabric that is coming untied and has been unused for years - apparently it's full of dead creatures and gunk.
Where my mum works there is also a pool with a fabric covering. Ex-SAS co-worker says they are a deathtrap - that even he would drown if he went across the covering and capsized as they stop you being able to swim.
Friend of DC is well behaved and his mother isn't worried about friend going near it, and stores several toys next to it. Older sibling has even run across it in the past.
My DC is a daredevil. If told something is dangerous she almost wants to do it more to prove she's brave.
Before I realised this pool was so accessible (not sure if it's lockable) DC went round for playdates without me and it's been fine. My DP has since told me that he found DC and friend next to the pool during a house party there and when I was last round there, they went to it again to get out an electric ride-on. My friend wants her to come round again and I've been putting it off for ages as the whole thought of that pool brings me out in cold sweats.
What do I say to my friend? I don't want to offend her - I just know my DC can NOT be trusted near something like this. I want to keep both the friendships going and this stalling is making it very very awkward.

Those covers are worse than not having one at all. At least if the pool was uncovered, it's easy to get to the child. The covers fold up around the weight of the body then the weight of the cover plus water makes it a massive struggle to get free

Surely the answer is you go with her and supervise if you really don't want to address the issue?

Or tell her the truth

Fouroclock that was also my thought.

Except that utter wankstain anthony whats his face off the telly, but he was SBS.

@ThePlantsitter

"DD would love to come and play. But I have been having nightmares about her daredevil ways and your landlord's pool. Can you lock that area? If not I just can't ask you to be responsible for her at yours, she's too much of a harum scarum. Sorry it's taken so long to say this! I felt a bit awkward about it. I really want the kids to be good friends."

Perfect response.

Older sibling has even run across it in the past

Oh my fucking god

If this happened and the mother hasn't taken steps to get the pool area made safe, it sounds as if her attitude to what constitutes risky play near the pool is skewed. Even if she were to promise to watch them, I'm not sure I'd be able to take her word for it.

I had a student who witnessed his friend drown in a pool. They were playing in the garden of a house and were mucking around, boy fell in. My student watched him drown. Understandably, he was messed up.

Yes, parents should have been watching them. But they weren't.

"Surely the answer is you go with her and supervise if you really don't want to address the issue?"
If a child, or an adult for that matter, lands on that cover and it collapses then everyone is in trouble.

"DD would love to come and play. But I have been having nightmares about her daredevil ways and your landlord's pool. Can you lock that area? If not I just can't ask you to be responsible for her at yours, she's too much of a harum scarum. Sorry it's taken so long to say this! I felt a bit awkward about it. I really want the kids to be good friends."
I don't think that is the perfect answer. The perfect answer involves picking up the phone and explaining exactly why you're worried, not just for your child but also for hers. She's in blissful ignorance believing the adverts that still say these covers are a safety device. The landlord needs to drain the pool. And if it's full of dead animals then environmental health would probably enforce that.

I'm really laid back about risk and that would freak me out too.

I don't get it really. You've been round there with your friend in the pool area. Why wouldn't anyone just say something like "Look - I feel a bit awkward saying this - but I've got to really. Those pool covers are really dangerous. If a child falls on it, it could be the end of them." and then go from there.

SAS guys don’t go round telling people they were in the SAS

Eh? They write books, run training courses and do TV shows etc.

We're talking about a very high risk of a child dying - not a grazed knee or lost toy - why would you even consider that? That shouldn't be a 'tolerable risk' for anyone!

It's not going to be any comfort when you have a dead child that the last 11 times they played there everything was fine.

I remember my mum explaining to me how dangerous those pool covers were when I was a child - and I had only seen one through a window and told her how much fun I thought it would be to be able to walk on top of the water!

They still give me chills.

I can't believe that (a) the landowner has rented out a house next to a pool that has not been secured or filled in and (b) that someone would rent a house next to one with small children. That pool should be emptied and either a fence erected round it with the gate permanently locked, or it should be filled in. Totally, totally irresponsible of the landowner.

A four year old went missing. The whole village ended up looking for him thinking that he wondered off/kidnapped.

He was found a few hours later under the cover of the pool. He knew he wasn’t allowed near it and that’s probably why he closed the gate as he went into the pool area. His poor parents didn’t think he was able to open it. They think he went over there to get a ball off the top.

I wouldn’t feel safe with this parent watching my DC at all. If she’s not hot on safety around a death trap I can’t imagine her being much better with kids near the road/electrics/heat etc.

Ex-SAS co-worker

Lol FFS

I would just be honest, if she gets offended or takes it personally then that's her problem to be honest.

To be clear - I haven't and wont be sending her, that's why I've been stalling on replying about the playdate, I haven't known how to phrase it without implying she wasn't treating it with enough seriousness (even if that is the case). Thanks for the suggestions. It is chilling thinking about it. I'll have to broach it Monday.

Re sas man. I know a couple of ex ones in the local area. I guess they do tell people. Mentioned him because even he was afraid of falling in a covered pool.

@rainingbats I think you're spot on

Last time we were there we DID say how shocked we were that it was there and her response was that her younger dc knew not to go near the edge.

Horrific stories from pps. Just the kind of thing that's been running through my head.

SAS guys don’t go round telling people they were in the SAS

I think you confuse them with MI5 and MI6

Depends if its a media job they go into. They wernt allowed to tell people up to the late 90s because of the IRA, they still dont tend to unless of course their subsequent work relies on it or they're a raging walt.

As for the pool Im thinking of this just from a wildlife point of view as well. Surely its just an absolute magnet for animals who subsequently drown in it? is it really so hard to find solid covers for pools?

Could you tell a white lie about having bad experiences with pools yourself in the past?

Call ex SAS guy and Liam Neeson in to Take Down the pool cover.

So out of curiosity which country are u in