Deathtrap at friend's house WWYD

[Carouselfish]

Dc5 has a close friend aged 6, I'm also good friends with their mum. They rent on private land and the landowner has a covered pool next to their house. It's covered with fabric that is coming untied and has been unused for years - apparently it's full of dead creatures and gunk.
Where my mum works there is also a pool with a fabric covering. Ex-SAS co-worker says they are a deathtrap - that even he would drown if he went across the covering and capsized as they stop you being able to swim.
Friend of DC is well behaved and his mother isn't worried about friend going near it, and stores several toys next to it. Older sibling has even run across it in the past.
My DC is a daredevil. If told something is dangerous she almost wants to do it more to prove she's brave.
Before I realised this pool was so accessible (not sure if it's lockable) DC went round for playdates without me and it's been fine. My DP has since told me that he found DC and friend next to the pool during a house party there and when I was last round there, they went to it again to get out an electric ride-on. My friend wants her to come round again and I've been putting it off for ages as the whole thought of that pool brings me out in cold sweats.
What do I say to my friend? I don't want to offend her - I just know my DC can NOT be trusted near something like this. I want to keep both the friendships going and this stalling is making it very very awkward.

no no no! I grew up with a pool, my dps never ever left us near it without supervision, they were just as strict with dgc - we have a summer place with a communal pool, I never ever assume that the gate is locked. If you have a pool or pond it is your absolute duty to be vigilant with children - I could not let any child go on a playdate with the situation discribed.

I have had the experience of being in a pool with a child who was silently drowning - they could actually swim well but falling off an unseen ledge in the pool gave them a shock and they forgot how to. It was terrifying.. and I managed to pull them out. This is clearly a risk you cannot afford to take. Explain why and don't let your child go there.

@Carouselfish

Dc5 has a close friend aged 6, I'm also good friends with their mum. They rent on private land and the landowner has a covered pool next to their house. It's covered with fabric that is coming untied and has been unused for years - apparently it's full of dead creatures and gunk. Where my mum works there is also a pool with a fabric covering. Ex-SAS co-worker says they are a deathtrap - that even he would drown if he went across the covering and capsized as they stop you being able to swim. Friend of DC is well behaved and his mother isn't worried about friend going near it, and stores several toys next to it. Older sibling has even run across it in the past. My DC is a daredevil. If told something is dangerous she almost wants to do it more to prove she's brave. Before I realised this pool was so accessible (not sure if it's lockable) DC went round for playdates without me and it's been fine. My DP has since told me that he found DC and friend next to the pool during a house party there and when I was last round there, they went to it again to get out an electric ride-on. My friend wants her to come round again and I've been putting it off for ages as the whole thought of that pool brings me out in cold sweats. What do I say to my friend? I don't want to offend her - I just know my DC can NOT be trusted near something like this. I want to keep both the friendships going and this stalling is making it very very awkward.

Frankly, sod 'offending her'.

You explain nicely and clearly why there will be no play dates until it's safe.

Neither of you would live with yourselves if something happened and to be fair, I don't know if she'd be legally liable too,

I'm very far from being overprotective, but that pool sounds positively scary.

it's a hard NO from me!

Absolutely not allow, I would however also look at improving your ds's "dare devil" behaviour. Other children can be very good at "daring" kids.

I would let the child go on the condition they are not left unsupervised in the garden. And good behaved kids have accidents too, perhaps more so as parents lulled into false sence of security?

SAS guys don’t go round telling people they were in the SAS.

I would just say that you can’t trust your daughter so she can’t go round to play. They seem very laidback about safety around water. There’s no way I’d let my child go and play there.

Nononononononononononononononononono. And again no.

There is nothing else to say about young children and unsupervised access to any kind of pool.

I am completely non-confrontational and have a terror of falling out with anyone, but my terror of either of my children falling in a pool would have been even greater.

Blame your own anxiety, your child's daredevil tendencies - anything! But just don't let them go near that pool.

You will not be the only parent saying no to this. One of my DC was very "good" as a small child though is now a hellish teenager and even then, I wouldn't have left them anywhere near a pool.

I knew a child who drowned in a neighbour's pool that sounds eerily similar to this one ...hard no from me.

Errr not sure if you are aware but we are in a pandemic and not able to see friends

Yeah just be honest.

Well yes England is in lock down anyway at mo.

@Christmasfairy2020 please don't assume the OP is where you are. Yes we are in a pandemic but MN is also global. OP could be in NZ or anywhere where there are fewer restrictions. I'm in an area where I can meet up with another household indoors or outdoors right now.

I wouldn't care how responsible her child is I would still think it's irresponsible she lets her young child around a covered pool like that unsupervised so for that reason alone I wouldn't let my child go round for play dates- even if she said she would lock it etc. I would no longer trust her judgment on keeping children safe.

Your child's life is clearly more important than any friendship so do and say whatever you have to to keep them alive.

Nowhere near worth the risk, I genuinely wouldn't even worry about offending her or making it awkward. It's too big an issue; and I would also want to have said something anyway because it sounds incredibly dangerous however sensible she thinks her kids are.

Nope. I hate confrontation and frankly can be a bit of a wet blanket at times but I would have to speak my mind on this one. No way would I let my child go there.

Is it just a flimsy summer cover not a full winterised one which is strapped down correctly? If the former then no I would not let my child play there.

You probably won't know this mother in ten years time - look after your child's interests.

What’s more important - not offending your friend or ensuring the safety of your child?

Definitely be polite but honest. She is probably imagining something much worse is the issue rather than this practical concern.

Even if children are very closely supervised, once they get onto that cover they're highly unlikely to survive if it sinks down, even an adult would struggle. A pool with no cover is safer than a pool with an unsecured soft cover.