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Original poster

Help. Dd very upset. Need advice on school situation.

57 replies

Shinygoldbauble · 12/11/2020 16:41

My dd is 14. She is a good person. She is a conscientious student who does well in school. She is absolutely rule driven. She has Sensory Processing disorder and is quite anxious.
She came home from school distraught today. She had an exam today, on one chapter of a text book. She studied and I tested her on some questions last night. She knew and understood it.
Today in class she was working on her test when the teacher shouted out 'You're cheating! You are looking at that girls test'. Dd said she didn't think for one minute that the teacher meant her but the teacher pointed at her and shouted it again.
She said she was shocked and said she wasn't, the teacher said she was cheating but dd said she got a bit upset and just kept repeating that she promised she wasn't cheating. The teacher let her continue on but dd said she was so embarrassed and upset she could hardly write.
I'm so upset and angry. Dd knew the subject. She had no reason to cheat. I want to speak to the school. Dd doesn't want me to. She thinks it's the teachers word against hers and it will make the teacher dislike her more.
What would you do?

OP posts:
Dogsaresomucheasier · 12/11/2020 16:54

Was it “her” teacher or someone covering who doesn’t know her? And is the normal teacher sane and sensible?

If it’s the former can you encourage her to speak to the teacher and say
“Miss, I promise I didn’t cheat.” When the papers are marked and she has not put identical, wrong answers as the other girl it will be obvious.

If it’s someone covering let it go. Maybe talk to your dd about not letting her mind, and line of sight wander.

A lot of teenagers are very unaware of how they come across to other people.

Obviously if the teacher is routinely bonkers email in to the head of department.

Original poster
Shinygoldbauble · 12/11/2020 16:55

Meant to add, I believe dd because a) she knew the stuff and b) if she had been cheating why would she have told me at all as the teacher seems to have let it go.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shinygoldbauble · 12/11/2020 16:57

Thanks for replying. It's her regular teacher but new to her this year.
I said to dd about it maybe looked like she was looking over but she said she was definitely looking at her answer sheet when the teacher started shouting.

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Dogsaresomucheasier · 12/11/2020 16:58

I just know that the younger child I made move seats in a test today for exactly that reason would have gone home and told her mum what you’ve been told.

Bollocks was she not cheating and now I have identical mistakes on the papers to demonstrate it.

Also, talk to her about the appropriate time to discuss things with her teacher.
Repeating “I wasn’t cheating” and disturbing what should be a silent classroom is a pain in the arse.

tootyfruitypickle · 12/11/2020 17:01

I’d definitely raise it personally . I’d just ask for a chat and ask if the answers are the same - (and hope you get the truth ! ) I raised my dd getting a punishment recently and it ended up being due to a complete misunderstanding over homework (the teachers system had failed ) and the teacher was lovely.

tootyfruitypickle · 12/11/2020 17:02

If someone accused me of cheating like that I’d respond like your dd, silent classroom or not ! Sounds very unprofessional

tootyfruitypickle · 12/11/2020 17:04

Also hate teachers that shout. Really can’t stand that !! I don’t shout at dd. I don’t shout in the workplace and neither should anyone else.

Original poster
Shinygoldbauble · 12/11/2020 17:06

So, she should sit there and accept being labelled a cheat? She was shocked and upset. How should she have responded?

OP posts:
Snuggleworm · 12/11/2020 17:07

@Dogsaresomucheasier

I just know that the younger child I made move seats in a test today for exactly that reason would have gone home and told her mum what you’ve been told.

Bollocks was she not cheating and now I have identical mistakes on the papers to demonstrate it.

Also, talk to her about the appropriate time to discuss things with her teacher.
Repeating “I wasn’t cheating” and disturbing what should be a silent classroom is a pain in the arse.

dogsaresomucheasier, are you actually a teacher? I would hate to be a student of yours.

Are you actually implying that the OP child is lying?

Allmyfavouritepeople · 12/11/2020 17:08

@Dogsaresomucheasier

I just know that the younger child I made move seats in a test today for exactly that reason would have gone home and told her mum what you’ve been told.

Bollocks was she not cheating and now I have identical mistakes on the papers to demonstrate it.

Also, talk to her about the appropriate time to discuss things with her teacher.
Repeating “I wasn’t cheating” and disturbing what should be a silent classroom is a pain in the arse.

Obviously it's more convenient for the teacher for the child to discuss it after the test but to the child who's just been accused of cheating AND has a sensory processing disorder 'right now' is the time to discuss it for them.

OP, If the teacher has moved on from it then I don't think any further action towards the school is required at this point. But make a note of it just in case there are further incidents.

Rockbird · 12/11/2020 17:09

Repeating “I wasn’t cheating” and disturbing what should be a silent classroom is a pain in the arse.

Bollocks to that. If someone accused me of cheating in front of everyone you're damn right I'd argue back. And I'd support my children also doing it. The teacher in question didn't seem to mind disturbing the silent classroom.

Dogsaresomucheasier · 12/11/2020 17:10

Not at all, but it is very difficult for parents to tell the difference between a child presenting a version of events at home that is from their perspective, and therefore entirely reasonable, and a kid that is telling lies.Yes, I am indeed a teacher.

Snaileyes · 12/11/2020 17:10

@Dogsaresomucheasier

I just know that the younger child I made move seats in a test today for exactly that reason would have gone home and told her mum what you’ve been told.

Bollocks was she not cheating and now I have identical mistakes on the papers to demonstrate it.

Also, talk to her about the appropriate time to discuss things with her teacher.
Repeating “I wasn’t cheating” and disturbing what should be a silent classroom is a pain in the arse.

You sound awful. I bet you dont act like this in front of parents
Cuddling57 · 12/11/2020 17:12

Your dd did the right thing! No she shouldn't have accepted that!
Tell her well done for speaking up.
I'm glad u believe your Dd. Unless proven otherwise. You know her best and it's good she knows you believe in her.
I don't speak to the school often as my DS never wants me to. In this case though I would gently tell her that you will. Agree together what you will say.
Discuss how sometimes people get the wrong impression and how to deal with it and it's not the end of the world - it's just life.
I was wrongly blamed for something at school and it upset me for ages. It was good to be able to discuss this with my DS when things happen to him.

Original poster
Shinygoldbauble · 12/11/2020 17:12

Dd is very much not a risk taker and she knew her stuff. She had no reason to copy from a student she doesn't really know enough to know if that girl is a better student than she is.

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LauraBassi · 12/11/2020 17:12

OP yes I’d want to speak to the school as well. That’s bloody awful. How is she now?

Frlrlrubert · 12/11/2020 17:14

Hmmm. I had one the other day that definitely wasn't communicating with another child during a test, she was looking out of the window and talking to herself. The boy just happened to be in the same direction as the window.

I don't know why you need to shout at a child during a test though, that seems counterproductive, it should be so quiet they can hear you if you speak normally. I'd probably go with 'Sophie, make sure your eyes are in your own paper' and then compare answers later.

I do occasionally 'shout' though (they would say I'm shouting anyway, I would probably call it raising my voice, shouting hurts my throat, I know when I've shouted, usually across a field at a dog). If someone's doing something stupid with a Bunsen burner or are 5 m away across a busy classroom you sometimes need to raise your voice.

It might be worth speaking to the teacher to clarify their side, and at the same time let them know your child is very sensitive to being accused of rule breaking, so they can bear that in mind going forward.

tootyfruitypickle · 12/11/2020 17:14

Yes that’s why I would ask for a chat about what happened , rather than storming in. However I would ask dd first if she wanted me to.

I got a very unfair detention at secondary with a teacher that hated me, my parents wrote to the head of dept on my behalf, and although I still had to do the detention, I’ve always been grateful they believed me.

JoeBidenIsGreat · 12/11/2020 17:19

The teacher let her continue on

If teacher still believed she was a cheat then the test would have stopped. What does your DD want you to do? This is a moment to work on resilience when dealing with the unfair moments of life.

Original poster
Shinygoldbauble · 12/11/2020 17:23

Dd wants me to leave it be. She says that if the teacher deducts marks then we can think about talking to the school.
My dd has been through a lot. She had health problems as a younger child which led to anxiety. She finds things hard at times because of her sensory issues. She had friendship problems last year but she had settled well this year.

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Original poster
Shinygoldbauble · 12/11/2020 17:25

@JoeBidenIsGreat

The teacher let her continue on

If teacher still believed she was a cheat then the test would have stopped. What does your DD want you to do? This is a moment to work on resilience when dealing with the unfair moments of life.

If the teacher wasn't sure then isn't it awful to point at someone and shout 'cheat' ?
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Frlrlrubert · 12/11/2020 17:28

I assume the school know all this, but it might be worth checking it's been flagged to her teachers for this year. Where I work it wouldn't be unheard of that the anxiety/friendship part hasn't been communicated properly to her new teachers, and trust me they'd rather know this side of Xmas.

RebeccaGillies · 12/11/2020 17:28

Probably what happened was your dd was deep in thought and staring into the middle distance and didn't realise she was also looking in the direction of another child's work as she wasn't actually seeing it iyswim. It would be unlikely for the teacher to say anything if your dd was looking straight down at her work, but it sounds like she wasn't cheating, so the above explanation seems more likely

LauraBassi · 12/11/2020 17:29

I think it needs raising now before any marks maybe deducted. Tell dd you wont go in guns blazing or looking for an argument but you need to let the teacher know that wasn’t a pleasant experience for her. Also it may make her be a bit wary of accusing anyone else unless she has proof.

Original poster
Shinygoldbauble · 12/11/2020 17:30

Her form teacher is aware of her previous issues but I doubt that her individual subject teachers are aware.

OP posts: