Help. Dd very upset. Need advice on school situation.

[Shinygoldbauble]

My dd is 14. She is a good person. She is a conscientious student who does well in school. She is absolutely rule driven. She has Sensory Processing disorder and is quite anxious.
She came home from school distraught today. She had an exam today, on one chapter of a text book. She studied and I tested her on some questions last night. She knew and understood it.
Today in class she was working on her test when the teacher shouted out 'You're cheating! You are looking at that girls test'. Dd said she didn't think for one minute that the teacher meant her but the teacher pointed at her and shouted it again.
She said she was shocked and said she wasn't, the teacher said she was cheating but dd said she got a bit upset and just kept repeating that she promised she wasn't cheating. The teacher let her continue on but dd said she was so embarrassed and upset she could hardly write.
I'm so upset and angry. Dd knew the subject. She had no reason to cheat. I want to speak to the school. Dd doesn't want me to. She thinks it's the teachers word against hers and it will make the teacher dislike her more.
What would you do?

I haven't read all of this. But, I teach and have been in many exam situations whether it be a hall or classroom. I would never, ever, EVER shout in an exam room for one. If I saw someone looking around I ALWAYS go up to the student, kneel next to the desk and warn them very quietly that whether they are cheating or not, they need to be aware that it looks like they are. Look at your work or look ahead. Never look around. Shouting is hideous, unprofessional and embarrassing for the child. They should not accuse the child of cheating publicly either. Not nice.

That's extremely aggressive of the teacher. Was that the exact wording the teacher used? At my school I think a teacher would have said sternly, "Eyes down on your own work [name]!" Which is a lot less aggressive.

I would not undermine your DD by approaching the teacher if your DD doesnt want you to. Just encourage her to put the incident behind her, and remind her to be extra careful in that teacher's class.

@Dogsaresomucheasier well your user name and horrid attitude sum up what’s wrong with teachers that really don’t like children and should be working some place away from them.

I would raise it now (despite DD’s objections but with her knowledge) because otherwise you run the risk that she gets marked down and you are unable to challenge at a later point.

I also agree the teacher was wrong to shout at her in the middle of the exam. She should have removed her from the room and explained why or observed more until she was sure either way.

Why is the teacher even shouting at your dd in the first place?
I’d speak to the school personally, I wouldn’t let a teacher shout at my kid and not say anything back when she hasn’t done anything wrong. Horrible cow.

@Dogsaresomucheasier so the teacher can shout and disturb a test but the accused child can’t defend themselves because that’s ‘a pain in the arse’? I hope you aren’t teaching at my child’s school!

OP I would definitely raise it, apart from anything else the teacher did not deal with it in the appropriate way and like you say, her answers and the answers of the other child should disprove her theory anyway!

My DD sounds very, very similar to yours @Shinygoldbauble, and she would have been distraught to be accused like that; she would never dream of cheating! She just does not lie. It took a couple of terms for teachers to "get" her, but they're absolutely used to her now. (Also 14, Y10)

Definitely email her form tutor, whether DD is aware or not, and possibly copy in the SENDCo. Does she have a support plan in school? It's worth asking SENDCO to draft a profile so that staff are aware of her processing issues. Likely she was gazing into space to focus and gather her thoughts.

As a secondary teacher I absolutely think you need to raise this with the school.

Does your daughter have an EHCP? If so the teacher should be aware that shouting at her could cause upset and should have dealt with it better.

It's the best thing to do. The teacher will not take it out on DD and will be aware that she has a parent at home who is involved and happy to step in on her behalf when needed and, in the unlikely event that this teacher is a douche who's vile to the kids (it happens, my son's year 3 teacher is an absolute biatch!) will make her pause if she ever feels like shouting at your child again.

If the teacher thinks there is cheating going on you deal with it discreetly. This kind shouting and humiliation can have a marked affect on a child. I remember being accused of being the "Phantom Whistler" in my junior school and the teacher shouted and bawled at me and dragged me out of the class. I couldn't whistle then and I still can't whistle now but I've never forgotten how embarrassed she made me feel that day and that was nearly 50 years ago!!. Thankfully my parents made a complaint to the school and it was sorted out very quickly, otherwise I would have hated school which would have been a shame as I was always a straight A conscientious kid who loved learning.

Wow! Pointing the finger if blame and loudly proclaiming someone a cheat while a test is in progress!!! So unprofessional. On that basis you can say that you can talk to the school, then you can reassure your dd it isn't about her weird against teachers it's about due process. If that teacher was wrong she just sabotaged your daughter's test which is very unfair. If she is right that is not the way to handle it. Definitely address it with school and tell your daughter the school can take the opportunity to handle the situation better and if that means exonerating her on examination, or not, then so be it, but this public airing of teachers accusation is absolutely rubbish

Thanks everyone for the advice and kind words.
We're not in the UK so system different here. Dd's issues are mostly about things like clothes and routine. She didn't have any behavioural or learning issues at school so didn't qualify for assessment.
She was diagnosed privately and for the most part we've been able to manage ourselves but she's had Play and Occupational therapy in the past.
I'm still leaning very much towards contacting the school but dd is very hesitant about it.
She's quite resilient due to having had so many challenges in the past.
She's very embarrassed and concerned about everyone hearing about it. She was recently voted on to School Council and it's important to be in good standing for that.

Are you actually implying that the OP child is lying? Have you met children? They lie. Or they exaggerate. Or they misconstrue things.

I wouldn’t go in all guns blazing.
I doubt the teacher was shouting, she was probably speaking loudly in a silent room.
To an embarrassed child, it probably sounded like shouting.

Seeking a just process and abiding by the findings is exemplary behaviour and worthy of student council member.
As a previous pp mentioned dupliicate errors and that type of thing will show what's what. It's a development opportunity for the unprofessional teacher.
Maybe your dd looked across at another's work, I used to glance to see if others were ahead as you are conscious of time limits and have you written enough etc.
Maybe the teacher saw something like that and had reason for the accusation... The way they handled it was dreadful though.

Whether your DD was cheating or not, she was clearly doing something that made the teacher think she was. Possibly she was staring into space and it looked like she was looking at someone else's paper.

I don't know what the exam situation is like where you are, but a 14 year old in the UK would be having it drummed into them that, when they are sitting exams, that they need to be very careful that they do not do anything that might lead someone watching to think that they might be cheating.

I do think it's worth talking to the teacher. I think it's highly unlikely that DD was blamelessly working with her eyes on her own work only, and the teacher just decided to call her a cheat. Most likely she did do something. She may not have been cheating or even realised she did anything untoward, but it's a good thing that she learns at this stage, so she doesn't do whatever-it-was again.

@Dogsaresomucheasier

So it's a pain in the arse if kids talk to the teacher during the exam but it is not a pain in the arse if a teacher starts shouting accusations about cheating?

If I was in that situation, I would have argued back as well, because I wouldn't have appreciated being wrongfully accused in front of everyone. And just because someone is a teacher doesn't mean that they have permission to act like a bully.

OP, I would ask for assurance from the school that your DD will not be marked down at least. Whether you take the issue further or not is up to you.

So many over reacters on here.

Teacher could have mis seen something. Teacher could be 100% right and dd is lying.

If dd wants it to go no further then I'd leave it.

One of my head teachers, wise , fair and much-loved by all the parents and children, always used to say at the new reception parents meeting, as a final comment and slightly tongue - in- cheek, " If you promise to believe only half of what your child tells you about school, we will promise to believe only half of what your child tells us about you."

Dd would have no reason to lie though. Why would she even tell me about it at all.
I know her and she was genuinely upset, not just trying to get herself out of trouble.

OP, some people on here are of the opinion that teachers can do no wrong and all kids are lying little shits. Children are renowned for not telling the truth or only telling half truths, but teachers aren't saints either. And I'm saying this as someone who works in a school. If your daughter is usually honest, I would go down the innocent until proven guilty route.

If your daughter was cheating, that will become apparent if the test papers are identical.

It's not that she's outright lied. She may have bent the truth. She may have looked at the paper even momentarily.

She may have told you to get her side in first.

Teacher sounds like an unprofessional idiot. If you thought a child was looking over at somebody else's work you'd surely make eye contact with them first or go over and quietly have a word about eyes on your own work. If it continued then you might take them outside and have a word.

But to shout across the room (or even talk across a room full of students trying to concentrate is idiotic)

Ideally yes, you would have a quiet word but teachers are having to work socially distanced as much as possible at the moment.

@Dogsaresomucheasier

I work in a school, and I can manage to have a spoken conversation with a student from two metres away without having to raise my voice.

There is no way of knowing that the OP's DD even was cheating. I got accused of cheating on a maths test once. I denied it. Teacher checked our work and low and behold, my answers were different. The teacher had the good grace to apologise.

@Fieldofyellowflowers You seem to post on every thread about teachers in a ridiculous over reactive manner. This is the third one this evening.
Calm down and phone a governor or something.

She's gone to bed so upset. She's worried about her place on the school council and she's worried about being in that teacher's class tomorrow.