Would you apply for a job where your DH/P would be your manager

[Allwhiteeverythin]

Directly reporting to them...

Weighing up pros and cons

Pros: I know him to be a good manager, reputation is very good. These positions don’t come up often.

Cons: will absolutely be gossip of nepotism, conflict at work spilling over into home life, difficult to integrate with team as boss is my partner

Am sure there are lots I’m missing. If you’ve been in this situation how did it work out?

This has already caused a bit of tension between us today when I told him I wasn’t going to apply.

He’s really annoyed at the situation and feels I’m implying he wouldn’t be objective. He prides himself on his management skills (and tbf his feedback scores are some of the highest in our org).

It's not about him being objective though is it? It's about your credibility and reputation - and rightly or wrongly these would be damaged by you working for him if your relationship is common knowledge

And really, how would he feel about firing you if you screwed up badly? Applying disciplinary procedures? Considering you for redundancy if the business went south?

It sounds like your husband could be a good boss, and there would be moments working together that are fun / inspiring / memorable. However the risks and drawbacks are far greater than the pros and realistically, I think you’d be setting yourself up for much unnecessary hassle.

Can he move sideways within the organisation so that you can apply and work without bias?

I’m implying he wouldn’t be objective.

You could both behave exactly as any two other people in that situation, and be entirely professional, but people will talk anyway, whether or not it's true. There's a reason that many companies avoid this situation.

No you absolutely should not do this, the two relationships are very different and should not be confused. Your marriage should be a partnership between equals but your work relationship would be a power/subordinate relationship.
Also I would double-check your company policy, I've worked in HR in multiple companies for 25 years and have never worked anywhere that would allow this.

Nope.

I actually would. Can't quite explain why but my heart and heat both say yes I would.

Tell him it’s not about being objective or not. It’s that no matter what, it will change the dynamic of your relationship so it wouldn’t work

Also how can he guarantee that he will be objective if he hasn’t been in the situation yet? He can’t confirm he will be unbiased if he needs to discipline you at work or deal with complaints against you until he’s in that situation; as there will certainly be awkward moments that may have downsides both professionally or personally

Not a fecking chance!

His management skills aren't that good if he can't see the position you would be put into! YOU will be the one that is gossiped about and YOU will be the one whose achievements are reduced to 'what do you expect, she's shagging the boss.'

No-ones going to go and say that to his face but they will say it to you...

No, I wouldn't. It would affect the dynamic of our relationship.

I'm also surprised it would be allowed. How is he going to address issues with your work?

@Allwhiteeverythin

This has already caused a bit of tension between us today when I told him I wasn’t going to apply.

He’s really annoyed at the situation and feels I’m implying he wouldn’t be objective. He prides himself on his management skills (and tbf his feedback scores are some of the highest in our org).

There you go - good example already of where a difference of perspective is causing an issue.

Sorry that you're missing out on the chance of a wanted role, OP.

Do you have an HR team dynamic where you could chat it through, in the hope a similar role in a less contentious team might arise?

His reaction isn’t great. You’re the ‘weaker’ party here (work wise) with much more to lose, eg this opportunity. He’s first minimised any issues (for you) then got irritated with you and made it about HIM!

His management practice and HR knowledge also seems lacking if he thinks it’d be appropriate for him to line manage you!

Being hard nosed - doing what a man would do - you could apply and do your best to show your suitability for the role in your application. And request that due to your personal relationship, your boyfriend step out of the selection process and, later, line management responsibility for the role.

Then if you do later break up you’ll still have your job, a better CV and higher wages!

I met my OH at university, we were both doing the same degree. We went on to work in the same field, and used to work at the same organisation until i left.

If he came to my new company, I’d end up being his boss. I personally wouldn’t even contemplate it, I think it’s a bad idea all round.

If you make a mistake/do something, he’ll have to pull you up on it, which could have a negative impact on your personal relationship. If you’re doing well it could be seen by other members of the team as favouritism. It’s a catch 22 where you’re damned either way. Best avoided at all costs in my view.

I would never work with a relative, as it could affect the relationship.

No, I couldn’t even imagine my partner as my boss. I love him but we’re both quite head strong so I think it would cause way too many arguments.

Fuck no. I'd hate him.

Thankfully we work on opposite ends of the spectrum of work

Talk to HR there might be a way to work around this

No

No. I have worked in the same company as my DH very successfully, but I wouldn't work for him.

No no no

I’ve worked with husband and wide teams a few times and I’ve yet to see one work well.