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Would you apply for a job where your DH/P would be your manager

88 replies

Allwhiteeverythin · 12/11/2020 08:33

Directly reporting to them...

Weighing up pros and cons

Pros: I know him to be a good manager, reputation is very good. These positions don’t come up often.

Cons: will absolutely be gossip of nepotism, conflict at work spilling over into home life, difficult to integrate with team as boss is my partner

Am sure there are lots I’m missing. If you’ve been in this situation how did it work out?

OP posts:
yellowcatss · 12/11/2020 09:01

@LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett

If this is the right role, and it doesn't come up very often, and it's a big organisation with good HR, then I would apply anyway. Be very open about the situation and they might be able to do some sort of work-around. But be prepared not to get it or indeed not to accept it if they can't make it work.

It would be horrible. I mean, he's saying he'd recuse from your interview but actually he'd have to recuse from the whole process as he wouldn't be able to compare the rest of the candidates with the objective selection points you demonstrated at interview, I'd hate to have someone work for me that I didn't select.

the last paragraph is spot on what happens if he interviews noone for the position hr does they decide another person not you is the right choice he will then be the manager of someone he did not choose.
funkyfruitloops · 12/11/2020 09:02

Also, don’t forget that if the business has economical woes - you could both lose your jobs in one hit.

It does happen Sad

Oblomov20 · 12/11/2020 09:17

No. Never. It's such a bad idea.

Allwhiteeverythin · 12/11/2020 09:22

You are all right.

He only told me about the post yesterday and was really worried about telling me because we’ve talked a number of times about me waiting for this role to come up. He was very upfront about it, he thinks I should go for it, he’ll recuse himself from interviews (he doesn’t do the shortlisting) and if I get it I get it. I’m not as confident it would work even if I did get it.

I’ve worked in teams where people are in relationships and there’s always the nepotism gossip and the feeling they aren’t trusted. It’s so bloody shit though, I really want this job Sad

OP posts:
AhoyMeFarties · 12/11/2020 09:24

No, I don't think it would be fair on him either

FieldOverFence · 12/11/2020 09:25

nope nope nope

this wouldn't be allowed in my organisaiton, but even if it was, it would do your reputation no favours - anything good you get - raise, promotion etc - will cause raised eyebrows, and can you even imagine if he had to performance-manage you if you were having trouble ?

VinylDetective · 12/11/2020 09:27

I’d sooner drink bleach. It’s a recipe for disaster, which is why most employers won’t allow it.

EBearhug · 12/11/2020 09:27

It wouldn't be allowed in our code of conduct - you can't have two people in a relationship at different levels in the same reporting line.

Allwhiteeverythin · 12/11/2020 09:29

No possibility of job swap with another department.

I’m not going to apply. I’m gutted, will have to wait another bloody year for one to come up

OP posts:
RainingBatsAndFrogs · 12/11/2020 09:30

No.

Would make both home life and work life icky.

Conflicts on interest, couldn’t offload about work at home, difficulty with co-workers confidences, unpleasant blurring of boundaries wrt equality in your marriage, etc etc.

corythatwas · 12/11/2020 09:33

No. I did work for dh for a short while and it wasn't a good situation: we both got extremely paranoid about the other person not being good enough. On the first site we did together I got the blame for everything, on the second I was so suspicious of him that he couldn't say anything. Never again.

Family business might be different, but if you're to be one employee among many that makes life very awkward.

Fanofromanticseries · 12/11/2020 09:34

No way!

CthulhuInDisguise · 12/11/2020 09:37

No, but my DH did work for me for a few years. It worked really well but was an events company that I owned so many of the staff were friends and family - DH was in charge of night security and I did operations, HR and payroll, and managed the day shifts. We did a few shifts together when we were short staffed and he was my supervisor - they were happy times. Couldn't have done it in a full time, proper job though. We would have had words.

SlipperTripper · 12/11/2020 09:49

Don't do it. Any recognisation you deserve in your role will be overshadowed, and put you both in a shit position.

My DH and I worked in the same industry (I'm self employed), he worked in a large government organisation, and was the person my biggest client reported into. Paths never crossed when he was in 'work mode' but we met at the many, many functions - he was always guest of honour lol.

Within our sector, he was quite well known, and I was a young female, doing well in a male dominated industry, so fairly memorable - sad as that is.

We kept our relationship secret for YEARS, and my business grew naturally with no input from him, as we were miles apart in what we actually DID - think me running Chelsea football club, and him being in charge of SKY Sports (although clearly not that!)! I diversified into sectors within our industry that he had no link to, and as my business built, we felt confident to 'come out' and ultimately got married.

LOADS of people made snidey remarks about me sleeping my way to the top. People who knew me, how I worked and had even worked with me felt able to accuse me of using him to build a career, when in truth, he utilised my contacts and knowledge of the wider industry (and still does!)

It got so bad, I eventually left the sector, moving into a completely different area of work. I passed clients onto a partner agency (another young woman, who nobody saw fault with 🙄). One of the biggest mistakes I ever made, and I have now gone back, but at the time I couldn't deal with the whispers and accusations. Now I just embrace it and wait for the whisperers to need the answer to a question, which they inevitably do. They always go to him, and he just directs them to me lol.

Also very awkward when he was a twat to anyone, which unfortunately was par for the course occasional in his role. Not him personally, but the job he had to do. Made it v tricky for me to then go in and do my (much more positive) job.

AntiHop · 12/11/2020 09:52

Definitely not. Unless it was a small family business type set up.

SorrelBlackbeak · 12/11/2020 09:53

My DH was contacted by a headhunter to come and work for me. I think that was a pretty instant no!

Dozer · 12/11/2020 09:58

Tough one, you’re disadvantaged financially, career wise etc because of prioritising the relationship. IMO most men wouldn’t go down that road!

It wouldn’t just be the selection process, if the organisation had decent HR policies he wouldn’t be able to be your line manager, eg deciding on job roles, redundancies, pay, appraisal, sick absence, flexible working, holidays, any performance issues etc.

PilliChant · 12/11/2020 10:10

I've been DH's line manager. Now I'm his boss's boss. It's totally fine for us.

Inpeace · 12/11/2020 10:21

No

kittykat35 · 12/11/2020 10:23

In my company I wouldn't be allowed OP as it would be a conflict of interest. Are you sure you're allowed to apply OP?

TheSunIsStillShining · 12/11/2020 10:32

We have one strict rule: never work for the same company, let alone each other.
I did work with a couple where woman was program manager and husband was tech lead and they loved to be a tag team.
So each to their own I guess.

Violetroselily · 12/11/2020 10:35

It wouldn't be allowed in my company, but even so, I wouldn't even consider it. It's difficult enough reporting into a friend, nevermind a partner.

ODFOx · 12/11/2020 12:31

You must apply! If you never stick your head over the parapet people forget you are there.

Be candid in your covering letter to HR, explain that this is the role you have been working for and you realise that it would not necessarily be ideal working for your DH but you would welcome a similar role elsewhere. If you are the best qualified candidate they may consider throwing the role open for transfer appointments or, could your DH swap teams? Even if you don't get it or it isn't possible you must get yourself on the radar for the next available
Position....

Bluesheep8 · 12/11/2020 13:46

Hell no, never in a million years

AlexaShutUp · 12/11/2020 14:28

I've been DH's line manager. Now I'm his boss's boss. It's totally fine for us

Yeah, it might be fine for you and your DH, but I bet it isn't fine for your DH's boss!