Please be honest, what’s your family life with teenagers like?

[Parbor]

Do you still spend time as a family or are they just off doing their own thing? What’s your relationship like with them? What about technology restrictions/chores?? I feel like we are massively failing at this aspect of parenting!

That’s interesting @WankPuffins although we don’t force them to do family stuff so not quite as regimented here. Tbh I would be less strict if it was just me (eg I see bedtimes as a rough guide rather than an absolute you must go up at 9 on the dot) but they have two parents and we have to work together. They’re not told what time to go to sleep and I know dd often reads long after we’re asleep but as long as she can get herself up in the morning I think that’s fine. Ds unfortunately has no interest in reading so when he goes up he has little to do other than go to sleep (although he still has plenty of books, Lego etc just not the interest to use them).

Mostly it's lovely. They still want to do stuff with me and we have a laugh together. There's the occasional bust up but I feel like we all like each other and enjoy each other's company. I do know when to back off though and at times have to handle Dd with kid gloves as she can be a bit volatile.

That said I have very low expectations. They don't have chores beyond keeping their rooms tidy, bringing me their washing and very occasionally walking the dog. I've never limited screens. They have a lot of say in where we go and what we do and how things are run. The non negotiables are homework and daily showers! They know better than to argue or try to procrastinate around those two things. Sustained rudeness or unpleasantness to me or each other is met with a complete downing of tools, no lifts, no nice snacks being bought, no favours, no allowance, planned outings or lunches out cancelled on the spot. I've never really had to go through with it for more than a day or two. I worry that it's all going to kick off in the future though. Hope not 😬

3 teenagers here dd18 ds17 dd16.

Dd18 is a homebody. If she's not at work then she's at home. We spend every evening together watching a series of something, couple of weekends ago I booked a suprise night away of shopping and cocktails and we had a great time, she's good company but sometimes we clash over chores ect.

Ds17 is more into gaming and seeing his friends. He'll come to family events and meals out.

Dd16 spends a lot of time in her room on her phone, she comes down for meals ect but doesn't stick around to have family time. I don't go on at her about it though because my eldest was the same at that age.

They all have chores that they do but I don't care to much about screen time.

14,13 and 10 going on 13 lol (DD).
Some days I don't see them except at dinner. They make their own breakfast and usually lunch too. They like to hide in their rooms. But they tend to come and chat at bedtime once screens are off and they are all lovely then lol. Occasionally drag them out for a walk, but otherwise don't really do anything as a family. Whenever I suggest board games or films I tend to get a load of sighing and excuses! Though I can usually persuade them to do something one to one.
I frequently feel like I'm failing until I hear about their friends being on xbox live in the middle of the night on a school day, then I feel a bit better.

It's my favourite stage though. They are more independent and you get decent conversations. But there's a whole new load of challenges, so it's been no means easier just different.
We've had depression, self harm, relationship drama. DS is now bisexual because his girlfriend is now his boyfriend (casually mentioned in the kitchen the other night) - you have to take that stuff in your stride lol. Like when he came and asked me for condoms the other day... (we'd already had the chat and I'd said I'd rather he waited another year or two but I accept that he will do it when he's ready and want him to be safe - they didn't do it in the end).

I miss toys though. I miss buying them toys and seeing them playing with them. Makes Christmas day a lot more boring these days and considerably more expensive.

2 Dds, 15 and almost 17. The eldest is generally lovely to be around but has her moments, fewer and fewer now that she's getting older. The younger one is idle and brilliant at the same time. Complete opposite to her sister! They both have jobs.

We don't limit screen time as such because it's needed now for socialising and school/college work, but do remove them if they won't help around the house.

Ds is 11. We could have had an easy ride so far.