What's the etiquette when you recognise someone on here?

[Notlostjustexploring]

I've just stumbled across a thread and realised I recognise a poster in real life. What is the etiquette? Do I say something? I can't work out or not if I'd want to know, but a look through my own posting history, although intermittent, is at times a pretty intimate view on my life.

The thread in question was fairly non contentious, and the poster is a friend, but not so close that we'd know every detail of each others lives anyway.

Do I let them know so they can name change? How would they feel if they knew I could look at their entire posting history and know it was them? (I've not looked btw, although it's on the internet, it still feels like a breach of privacy!!)

What do I do?

I don't really care. I only say my own truth and if I can't do that then what is the point of posting ?

I don't know how to post pics anyway and wouldn't as they are very outing, but as long as I don't tell lies or slander anyone, or libel, or be unpleasantly unnecessarily cruel then I can live with what I say and to hell with the rest

Anyone who knows me in real life would know who I am on here. I am actually Sam and Poppy's Mummy

I knew I recognised you Mrs Boot.

Surely, even if people changed their name, you still soon recognise their situation again over multiple postings.

The things is, I've twice had people pm me in the past to tell me with great concern they recognised me.

One identified me as a colleague in a school of the wrong type approximately 450 miles from where I actually work and in an educational setting I'm not familiar with. It was bizarre. And I got the feeling that when I politely messaged back to say, 'You're wrong, i'm afraid. My Name isn't Martha and I don't teach sociology; never have done' I got some bollocks that made it clear that she thought I was wriggling out of it and it enraged me.

The second time was slightly vitriolitic about some argument I'd had with the posters' DD and the lies I'd spread over a boy - again. No fucking idea who they are but I'm almost 60 and tend not to compete for men, what with my lengthy and happy marriage.

I find lots of poster claiming 'the recognise' someone, and often suspect it like a medium/spiritualist. They latch onto some small detail that sound familiar and blow it all up.

Neither of the women who contacted me believed they were wrong. They knew me. One was Home counties (never lived there) and the other was somewhere near Bristol. (Never even fucking been there)

I am strictly Nothern.

@FredtheFerret

The things is, I've twice had people pm me in the past to tell me with great concern they recognised me.

One identified me as a colleague in a school of the wrong type approximately 450 miles from where I actually work and in an educational setting I'm not familiar with. It was bizarre. And I got the feeling that when I politely messaged back to say, 'You're wrong, i'm afraid. My Name isn't Martha and I don't teach sociology; never have done' I got some bollocks that made it clear that she thought I was wriggling out of it and it enraged me.

The second time was slightly vitriolitic about some argument I'd had with the posters' DD and the lies I'd spread over a boy - again. No fucking idea who they are but I'm almost 60 and tend not to compete for men, what with my lengthy and happy marriage.

I find lots of poster claiming 'the recognise' someone, and often suspect it like a medium/spiritualist. They latch onto some small detail that sound familiar and blow it all up.

Neither of the women who contacted me believed they were wrong. They knew me. One was Home counties (never lived there) and the other was somewhere near Bristol. (Never even fucking been there)

I am strictly Nothern.

I thought so, I know who you are

How bizarre, Fred!

I, on the other hand, once spent months establishing a MN friendship (via PMs stuffed with my niche school application advice) - only to be summarily dropped once the curtain of anonymity was drawn aside. That was weird. (But a lesson learned.)

I’d certainly want to know and would appreciate being told. But everyone is different of course.

I'd rather know I think.

@quizqueen

Surely, even if people changed their name, you still soon recognise their situation again over multiple postings.

It's to limit the amount of information under one username. So even if somebody recognises you from one thread, they can't also look you up and find out about your marital issues or health problems etc.

I would prefer not to know, and would likely change my own username too

I'd ignore it. Mind you I never have, knowingly, seen anyone on here that I know but I think I wouldn't say anything in case it embarrassed them. Neither would I tell anyone who might know them.

I’d rather be told. Bit embarrassing not to know really isn’t it.

If it’s me, tell me!

Is that you Aunty Flo?

Situations are often relatable, the chances are people you think you recognise often aren't who you think they are.

People often alter highly identifiable aspects of their life like location, job, sex of and number of children.

I think it's best to move on and obviously not watch their posts. Nobody has any idea how much of a lifeline a forum like this might be and what the consequences of 'revealing' a person might be.

Just assume they have changed some identifying comments and that they aren't the person you think they are.

@FredtheFerret

The things is, I've twice had people pm me in the past to tell me with great concern they recognised me.

One identified me as a colleague in a school of the wrong type approximately 450 miles from where I actually work and in an educational setting I'm not familiar with. It was bizarre. And I got the feeling that when I politely messaged back to say, 'You're wrong, i'm afraid. My Name isn't Martha and I don't teach sociology; never have done' I got some bollocks that made it clear that she thought I was wriggling out of it and it enraged me.

The second time was slightly vitriolitic about some argument I'd had with the posters' DD and the lies I'd spread over a boy - again. No fucking idea who they are but I'm almost 60 and tend not to compete for men, what with my lengthy and happy marriage.

I find lots of poster claiming 'the recognise' someone, and often suspect it like a medium/spiritualist. They latch onto some small detail that sound familiar and blow it all up.

Neither of the women who contacted me believed they were wrong. They knew me. One was Home counties (never lived there) and the other was somewhere near Bristol. (Never even fucking been there)

I am strictly Nothern.

I had something similar — in this case, I’d used an idiom that’s common where I come from (not UK) though unusual in the UK, in a post, and the person who thought they’d identified me was under the impression I was another mother she knew from the school gate in Norwich, because this other person had also used the same expression once in her hearing, despite having an extra child and the children being the wrong ages/sexes.

I’ve never actually been to Norwich either, but she didn’t believe me, and did a lot of tinkly PM laughs about ‘Your secret is safe with me!’

I felt for the other poor woman at a Norwich school gate, who I imagine was getting lots of hints and smirks.

I know I've been recognised before because I overshare very outing details on MN someone I barely knew started behaving very differently towards me. I just change username a lot.

I probably would want to know, but I do have a few friends on here who know my username and it's no secret that I'm an idiot anyway

@quizqueen

Surely, even if people changed their name, you still soon recognise their situation again over multiple postings.

Not if you use your usernames for different subjects. If I posted with this username for all the issues I have asked for advice on over the years I would be very identifiable to anyone that knew me. So for job issues, or health, school, dog , kids I use a different name. Don't want to be outed in a Daily Mail story

Someone recognised me from school stuff about dd but we just laughed. I match my oversharing in real life

I once recognised a family member. I told her straight away, on the thread, we had a laugh about it, never mentioned it in real life. I don't think she's on here anymore, but that incident always informs how I post. I remember the details which gave it away to me, so that's the kind of thing I change.

Change your username and pm her. Duh! You don't want her to read all your own posts ..?

Also - I have several usernames for different subjects. As others have said I've asked for/given advice in a few quite specific areas in this site. I keep different names for the more personal sections

This is why I change my usernames very regularly! I would hate to out myself and have someone I know read my full thread history, I've posted about everything from my mental health to my sex life here.

I don't think I would say anything. If she has put something personal enough for you to recognise her then she's maybe not that bothered?

Im amazed by the amount of people saying they wouldn’t read her post history - including you OP! Really?? You must all be far more principled/less nosy than me