What's the etiquette when you recognise someone on here?

[Notlostjustexploring]

I've just stumbled across a thread and realised I recognise a poster in real life. What is the etiquette? Do I say something? I can't work out or not if I'd want to know, but a look through my own posting history, although intermittent, is at times a pretty intimate view on my life.

The thread in question was fairly non contentious, and the poster is a friend, but not so close that we'd know every detail of each others lives anyway.

Do I let them know so they can name change? How would they feel if they knew I could look at their entire posting history and know it was them? (I've not looked btw, although it's on the internet, it still feels like a breach of privacy!!)

What do I do?

If you are going to message her, name change !

I'd want to know

Someone said on a post of mine that they'd guessed my occupation and who I worked for. I'd name changed, but I still panicked and frantically searched their posts to see if they actually knew ME.

I think probably not, but even so I've not been back to my own thread since! Considered having it deleted, but it was an interesting discussion and even if they knew who I was personally, it's only that post and couple of random comments on threads under this name anyway. I don't think I'd compromised my employer and I didn't mention them by name or industry.

I wish they'd not mentioned it actually, it gave me a wave of worry for a while. I wouldn't tell anyone if I thought I recognised them, I'd just keep quiet and wouldn't search them.

I've just name changed in case it was me!

I've recognised a couple of people on here. One I worked out because they posted something about our area and I realised they must live on the same road as there's a reasonably distinctive set up of housing.

Another poster I recognised because of their very unusual DC's name.

Neither are people who I know particularly well, so I never even thought to let them know.

Oh, and I also spotted someone who posts on another forum I post on who posted exactly the same enquiry.

I can't remember any of their usernames now.

I would want to know and I think a PM is the kindest and only way to let them know.

@HotToCold

If you are going to message her, name change !

This isn't really fair though.

You would be surprised how boring abd unspecial people actually are. All our stories, thoughts, habbits, even typos and style of talking has twins at least. I'd give up being mrs marple and leave her alone.
Weirdo who suggested stalking. What is wrong with you?!

Anyone who knows me IRL recognises me on here. It's weirdly liberating. If I want to post about shagging a friend's DH or receiving a crap birthday gift or whatever I name change .

I dunno OP. Decency suggests you tell them. I think most people would AS till kingdom come.

I learnt recently to start changing my my username. I had posted for years under my last name which I really loved... and then realised how outing my posts could be especially if someone read a couple of them consecutively.

I now change or flick between a couple. I really want to ask for advice about my currently awful MIL relationship but I get worried I’ll be labelled a troll if I don’t have a long posting history 😂

Pm her, you don't necessarily need to tell her who you are, just that you recognize her (and I would namechange before pm).

Don’t tell.

There was a thread where someone announced that they knew the poster. It was horrible.

I’d prefer not to know If it was Me.

I spotted a post that I thought my sister would enjoy, so forwarded it to her. She told me she had written it

I didn't search her username. I haven't seen that username since, so I guess she must have changed it.

No, you get the brain bleach out, and erase the memory.
Or zoflora, if you prefer.

I recognised someone once,they posted something on here and on facebook.
I just mentioned it next time I saw them in case they wanted to name change, no idea if they did and cant remember their name now.

And as onemouseplace has said - my DS name is very unique. It would out me instantly and I’ve mentioned it under a previous name by accident!

Nooo. Don’t say anything. I would be mortified. Just don’t look at their posts anymore!!

@unlimiteddilutingjuice

You say nothing and quietly online stalk her for the rest of both of your lives... obviously

This is exactly what I would do

I'm with @unlimiteddilutingjuice

Can't believe it's even a question.

One of my DD's/DS's teachers is on here but I forgot their username, I only knew because somebody posted about the school and somebody replied to say they worked there. I have no idea which teacher it was and no interest in finding out, I didn't say anything because they must have known that there were potentially parents reading their post.

@daisychain1620

I would want to know as I feel like people post certain things on here for advice or to vent that they wouldn't chat to close people about. I'm fairly new to Mumsnet so sorry if this is a silly question but if you change your user name does that mean that people cannot track your previous posts? I suppose if this is the case it is a good idea to change your name from time to time.

Yes, name change regularly so your posts aren't linked

In all honesty, I would keep quiet. But maybe that's not the ethical thing.

I change my username now and again too. I have noticed I have appeared in newspapers(previous comments)! I was even in the Sun. Just a few comments from on here but even so .....

Overtime I've noticed

• another parent from school, no idea who but not a fan of a new rule from new HT
• my childminder, whose child had a rare medical condition
• another parent from nursery, from a Rightmove thread

There's at least 2 others from the same town - but then according to the Lame Claim to Fame thread half of MN was born in the RBH