What's the etiquette when you recognise someone on here?

[Notlostjustexploring]

I've just stumbled across a thread and realised I recognise a poster in real life. What is the etiquette? Do I say something? I can't work out or not if I'd want to know, but a look through my own posting history, although intermittent, is at times a pretty intimate view on my life.

The thread in question was fairly non contentious, and the poster is a friend, but not so close that we'd know every detail of each others lives anyway.

Do I let them know so they can name change? How would they feel if they knew I could look at their entire posting history and know it was them? (I've not looked btw, although it's on the internet, it still feels like a breach of privacy!!)

What do I do?

@AhoyMeFarties thank you (I love your user name btw!)

I recognised a good if now distanced friend on here, I think it was last year.

I haven't name changed in ages bow but I guess I'd better. It would just be nice to feel more a part of this place sometimes, I don't get that from constant changes. Better the changes than being found by people I don't want finding me though

@FannysSteadiedBuffs tbf its a busy hospital in a very large town But it means we are all speshul

I wouldn’t want to know but I regularly change user name so where I’m recognised only a limited amount of posts could be searched.

MN is like Fight Club...

First rule of MN is we don't talk about MN.

The consensus seems to be moving towards the suggestion that I should say something then. I think it's probably right that I say something as I'm feeling some fair guilt that I now know and haven't told her!!

I really didn't intentionally find out, and I really didn't want to. I literally opened up a thread, read a post and with absolutely certainty knew who it was.

I might also name change myself now that I've realised how easy it is to have one's identity stumbled on!

If your name starts with a K and you post endless photos of your kids dinners/outfits on FB then I am not sorry in the least and yes I muted you.

Nope, that's not me!!! Definitely not guilty!!

@Sparklfairy

MN is like Fight Club...

First rule of MN is we don't talk about MN.

the only person I mention MN to is my dh, everyone else it's oh I read on a forum....

I would likely delete my account and avoid people if someone messaged me saying they recognised me. I spend a lot of my time by myself and sometimes I need a sounding board, something I DON'T want to talk to friends etc about.

There are millions of people on here though so what’s the chances? Maybe your right OP but could you be wrong and it’s someone with similar circumstances?

Not sure how I’d play it to be honest...

That’s why I try to change small insignificant details of for example if I’m asking for advice. In the hope that it would throw someone off the scent if they thought it was me.

And I can’t remember my password to change my name 😫

Have you PM'd them yet? Please let us know, so that most of us can breathe out again.

I had it the other way round- went to antenatal classes and recognised another mum-to-be as a reasonably well known MNer! I did let on I knew her from MN, and she was nice about it, but I don't know how freaked out she was in private after we'd gone home.

I don't assume anonymity on here anyway. If someone who knew me read enough of my posts, they'd probably guess it was me, but I only write things that wouldn't bother me if they were read by people I know.

@TooExtraImmatureCheddar

I once recognised someone’s sister —because they were mental—. Either that or I was being catfished. DH and I both worked with the sister and I was on one of the pregnancy support groups on here. My pregnancy-related story is pretty recognisable if you know me. The colleague was batshit crazy. I spent 8 months posting away, and when people started to do birth announcements I realised that one of the other posters was related to my colleague (baby name, middle name, weight etc were identical). Except that this poster had a completely normal story (normal pregnancy issues, fears about CS, nothing unusual), whereas according to the colleague, who kept buttonholing me and telling me all about her sister’s pregnancy, she had cancer and was under the care of an oncologist, would be getting a double mastectomy at the same time as her C section, etc etc etc. I messaged the poster and said I thought I recognised her and was she related to X? And she said yes but not to tell her because she’d shared some personal stuff eg details of tearing in first pregnancy. I dithered about telling her that colleague was saying she had cancer when she’d never mentioned it, but decided not to.

Time passed, and I found out from someone else that colleague had form for pretending relatives had cancer. This person suggested I’d been catfished. I still don’t know! I think colleague wouldn’t have been able to restrain herself from doing the cancer story on MN for attention, but I didn’t confront her and I’ll never know now (she left and it’s been 8 years).

THAT IS CRAZY

I recognised someone from a Facebook group- posted same scenario and pic in both places. Went on to post many other similar scenarios. She was always being unreasonable, pretty sure she has mental health issues and I worry about her many children. Haven’t ever replied to her.

TableFlowerss Nope, it's definitely the same person. Very innocuous, but very specific.

I'd imagine the etiquette is, when you see them next irl, you bring up casually MN and see if they take the bait. Then also casually see if they admit posting. Then take it from there, casually and gently

I name change and back again all the time. I wouldn't mind (I don't think) if someone recognised me in this guise but I would appreciate it if they mentioned it. None of my friends have openly admitted to being on MN in real life but chances are some of them must be! On the other hand stuff I've posted about ttc would be a bit too personal...

I know at least a few colleagues are on here or at least lurk. I know one poster who does work for my former company but I don't know who they are and wouldn't try to find out. They seem nice.

Is she posting about herself or about someone else (colleagues, friends)?
I might tell her that she could be identified if she’s posting about someone else, it might cause problems and she’s a good friend. If she’s posting about her DC, DH, PIL and pets - I won’t bother. Her life, her choice.

I randomly realised I knew someone as she posted the same thing in AIBU and Facebook. I advanced searched her and yep it was definitely her. I haven’t told her.

Oh god is it me
If it is then don't tell me I'll be too embarrassed and I'd rather not know you know but equally don't worry because I name change a lot and I am pretty sure there's nothing I would not want you to know on this user name.
I am probably due another name change anyway. Shame I kinda like this one.

I recognised someone on here and it was actually nice to hear their side of the story (relationship) when I was getting the ‘psycho ex’ line trotted out to me.

Anyone who knows me in real life would know who I am on here. I am actually Sam and Poppy's Mummy 😀 I don't post anything very interesting so I don't need anonymity.

If it was me I'd want to know