What would you say to your 18-year-old self?

[bearlyactive]

This has probably been done before, but a group chat of mine was talking about this earlier and I didn't know what to say!

What would you say?

@DDIJ

You will never amount to anything so don't waste public money trying.

I think you're being overly hard on your teenaged self. In what way aren't you anything now?

Stop on your current path and go to college get more qualifications and pick a new career path, settle down sooner and buy a house. I was never taught any life skills by my parents. I only settled down recently and started a family and bought a house and I'm pushing 40. Left it all too late. Also my industry has gone down the pan so I now have an average non skilled job and life isn't easy.

I'd say take it a bit easier- you can still fit in all those holidays and parties when you're older. There is loads of time to get jobs too. Focus a bit more on your studies than you do and find a hobby you can do alone like painting or writing- be more creative. The world will wait whilst you finish your a levels.

Put down the hairspray

You’re gay

He’s exactly what you need.

I'd say
Mate you're fucking AMAZING!! All the things that should have ended you by now and all the things to come that will push you as close to the end as physically possible don't kill you either or and no matter how shit of a mum you think you're going to be because your mum didn't raise you... Your dad raised an impossible strong, independent albeit stubborn woman

@SpookyNoise and @DDIJ

enjoy the freedom and lack of responsibility. Really, really savour it!

Don't worry so much about boyfriends / relationships - just have fun and sleep around a bit more.

Travel and see the world.

Don't eat so much. You can be healthy and feel amazing.

Do not sleep with men who don't respect you.

Google Dave Ramsey.

You don't have to get married and have children. It's not compulsory, you don't have to do it just to please your parents. It's perfectly fine to choose an alternative lifestyle.

The plans you have now? Forget them. Nothing goes to plan. Some of it end up better than your plan, some of it ends up worse. Just p, stop fighting to stay on the plan you came up now.

Also, in 3 years time, your family is going to lurch from medical emergency to medical emergency. On your mum and dads side. Don’t distance yourself at uni. Call more often. Take more photos of them. Ask people to take photos of them with you. You won’t care how bad you look in the photo down the line.

Have more confidence
Don’t let that boyfriend take you for granted
Grow up!
Stay in touch with school friends
Make the most of opportunities that come your way
Go for the job you want, not the one everyone else think you should have.
Stand up for yourself

In short then, “Grow a pair!”

You feel like this because you are grieving

You don't have to make other people happy to be worthy of their esteem

It's a difficult one for me. It's tempting to say, I would tell my younger self to leave the abusive dickhead, not get engaged and move in together, before the violence gets worse and the rapes start. But then without that I would not have met my wonderful late DH who put me back together again. And it has helped me see a twat at 10 paces so perhaps it was a useful experience.

Enjoy the great sex and the freedom. You've got a gorgeous body!

You are not stupid, you are dyslexic.
Finish your degree. One day you’ll have an MA too.
Don’t carry your families disfunction, it’s not your fault.
Travel, much much more.
Don’t settle for the first man who wants you, he’s going to screw you around for most of your adult life.
Think carefully, very carefully, about who you want to have children with, and if you even want to have any birth children. It will ruin your health.
Make sure you are always financially independent.
You are original, smart and beautiful, try to believe it.

Stop feeling shame. It doesn't serve you anything.

You know yourself already, you just need confidence and life experience.

Be confident. You’re not fat. Don’t fixate on one life plan or catastrophise about the many ways it will fail. You’re going to achieve so much and one day you’ll look back and finally feel the pride you should have felt all along. Oh, and plenty of men will find you attractive, you’re not a swamp donkey, in fact you’re quite a looker. But you were right about your legs, they really weren’t your best feature - although in 20 years you’ll accept that we all have flaws and dumpy legs aren’t worth spending a second stressing over

Ignore the people telling you shit like “do what you love”. You can only do what the market offers opportunities for. Study something boring that will lead to a job, not something you love that will get you nowhere. And ignore the people who tell you to work hard and you’ll do well. It’s about who you know, not what you know. People who’ve barely lifted a finger will waltz ahead of you because they have connections. Don’t expect life to be fair: it isn’t.

Tell the staff that you're under pressure to leave and have no money to apply to Oxford, it isn't that you're not interested, you can't think of anything you want more in life, but you've been told you aren't allowed because you aren't worth such an opportunity.

And don't see that lad as your escape route from the abuse. It's just a different kind of abuse and it will ruin your life just as much as the violence and constant insults screamed at you.

Stop smoking and boozing and taking drugs. Stop dating unsuitable guys.
Don’t bother studying law - you’ll hate it. Don’t get that credit card - you’ll be in debt for years.

18 yr old me wouldn't have listened to a word of it, though!

Work harder and go to uni. Yes drinking and partying is fun but you're actually really capable and you'll regret it when you're 40 and in a completely average job when you could have done so much more!

I’d tell myself dump that loser boyfriend.. don’t walk out of the good job you have. Tell someone one.. anyone..how much you’re struggling. Although I’m in a good place now I wasted so many years!