I stole somebody else's baby

[LiveLoveWoof]

Name changed as outing.

This was yesterday. In supermarket with DD 3 year old DS and 14 week DD. DH had the pushchair & I had the trolley. We were in a bit of a rush so DH said he'd go get a few bits and we'd meet in the middle. Off he goes and takes the pushchair with him. DS stayed with me. Had a quick look at the baby clothes for DD. Left trolley at end of aisle. Wandered up another couple of aisles then turned round and automatically put my hands on the pushchair that was there. Started walking off and DS pipes up "that's not my sister" I looked down and realised DD was now wearing boys clothes and had aged by about 6 months. I panicked and returned baby to the aisle I stole him from. Thankfully I'd only got to the end of the aisle and turned to go into the next aisle before DS said something. The other mum never even noticed!

For the 'mam test' thing my youngest always puts things in my hand, litrally a hundred of times per day and I automatically accept it everytime (he usually takes it straight back but just wanted to 'show' me) but every so often I have the automatic response to scream and throw it (when it doesnt feel right like furry, sticky, warm, squidgy etc...) and DS the exclaims 'yucky' and runs to wash his hands (its usually a sticky sweet or something he found on a floor but one awful time it was a handful of cat shit).

As for the kids coming out of school, my oldest so is very feminine faced, very tall and has blond ringlets, a girl in his class looks indistingusible from a distance (same hair and both freakishly tall, they both tower about a foot above the rest of their class).
I am blind as a bat on top of that so I'm sure I sound nuts when I'm squinting at a child at leaving time and exclaiming to myself 'is that that little girl or my son?', I have luckily never gotten the wrong one but I do pay deliberate attention to it.

When I was 7, someone's mum had offered my friend and I a lift home from a class birthday party. The family were supposed to be driving down to Devon that night but their own son had really wanted to go so they had everything packed up in the car, the plan being that they could pick us all up, drop my friend and I off along the way and continue straight on to Devon.
My friend and I fell asleep almost immediately (7 seater, we were in the very back of the car) and when I woke up, we were alone in the car by a petrol station in the middle of nowhere. The family came back after ten minutes or so and carried on driving without acknowledging us. Eventually, I just leaned forward and said
"Excuse me, Mrs Turner, but this isn't anywhere near my house."
She screamed. Really, properly screamed. The entire family of 5 had forgotten we were there and had inadvertently kidnapped us and driven an hour and a half to the middle of Somerset.
My parents were not as concerned as I would have liked.

Left my 6 week old DD in the boardroom on a KIT day. Outside and about to pull out of the car park and was aware of the MD hollering out of the window 'I think you'll need this' waving the car seat containing my sleeping infant

Not a bay kidnap but one one the tube.

Northern line, the old seats that were back to back. I was on my own and felt a slobbery lick on the back of my neck. I swung round to give the pervert a mouthful to find a rather slobbery black lab and a mortified owner.

In the 1960s not only was it common for people to leave babies outside shops but complete strangers would come day hello. I used to sleep on my front, my mum would be in a shop and hear my start crying, a lady would come intot he shop and say, "Your baby was on her front so I've turned her for you"

When I had my first son 37 years ago they were kept in a nursery overnight, at 6 am you went to collet them for their first feed. I saw who I thought was my baby wheeled him back to my bed took him out and was about to feed him when the nurse came and shouted that’s not your baby !
I quickly put him back,never forgotten it though.

I'm loving this thread! It's made me laugh out loud and, for once, hasn't been derailed by do-gooders. Thank you all! 💐

When dd was about 2 she used to lift up her arms all the time to be picked up. One day I went to the doctor's without her and while I was filling out a form at reception I saw a child out of the corner of my eye with her arms raised. Without thinking, I picked her up and balanced her in my hip and continued writing. Father came over and said "can I have my daughter back?"

How can you be that mindless? Scary

@Banooshka

How can you be that mindless? Scary

sleep deprivation in the newborn years or any possible number of times in a DC life where you are tired , busy , trying to juggle 15 balls in the air at once.

Everyone at some point in their life has zoned out and operated with muscle memory at tasks they repeat constantly , with or without children .

I had dc and went through that sleep deprivation
One of dc woke us up all night every ight until they were 3. I would never autopilot snatch someone else's child. luckily the mother didn't notice i would have screamed murder if you tried that with my baby!

Banooshka

How can you be so judgemental? Scary..

She didn’t snatch someone’s baby, hysterical much. She accidentally put her hands the pram for a few seconds.

She pushed the pram away

When my DS was a couple of days old and still on SCBU I left my DH with a change of clothes for DS whilst I popped back onto the ward to collect something. When I returned DH was smugly half way through changing DS. Except it wasn't our DS! I said to DH That's not Sam!!! My DH looked mortified and looked around and said 'OMG, which one of these is ours?'.

We laugh about it now but it was mortifying at the time.

Very easy to be on auto pilot and just act. With children. I have driven to work and set up in the office many times before realisation dawns I had actually just popped out for milk on day off

@Banooshka

I had dc and went through that sleep deprivation One of dc woke us up all night every ight until they were 3. I would never autopilot snatch someone else's child. luckily the mother didn't notice i would have screamed murder if you tried that with my baby!

Congratulations, do you want your medal for best mummy in the post? I'm afraid we can't give them out in person due to the current restrictions

@listsandbudgets

Not a child but...

When dd was about 3 we were in supermarket and she was really playing up - taking stuff off shelves, shouting., trying to climb shelves... I was at the end of my tether... she was just behind me so I reached back grabbed a wrist and semi shouted

"Right that's it, we're going home RIGHT NOW and there'll be no chocolate buttons"

I turned round to discover I'd firmly grabbed the wrist of a rather perturbed looking lady in her 30s. Thankfully she thought it was funny and was very kind about it... DD meanwhile was at the other side of the aisle giggling

I didn't go into that shop for months

That poor lady, missing out on chocolate buttons when she hadn’t even done anything

This thread has my crying with laughter, love it!
@Banooshka you need to chill out. You sound like a barrel of laughs...

Not quite the same but when my mum was in labour and my dad obviously panicking driving her to the hospital he must have gone onto autopilot. Pulled the car over on a side street and waited for my mum to get out - turned out he was trying to drop her off at work. She wasn’t very impressed.

@DowntonCrabby

Oh wow, these are funny, you’ll have had a fright though OP, hope you’ve recovered.

Our school gate is halfway up a hill, if I CBA walking up or am just on time for the bell I’ll wait at the bottom for DS to come out the gate and run down the hill.

Waiting for him early this year squinting into the low winter sun, he comes running towards me in his bright coloured jacket, blonde hair messy as usual after a day at school, munching on a banana.
I shouted at him like a banshee up the hill where loads of kids and parents were walking/waiting “WHERE DID YOU GET THAT BANANA?!!”

My actual DS, behind me, having come down the nursery path pipes up “Hi Mum” just as banana boy gets to us, shoots me a look of fear then hops into his Mother’s car behind us on the road.

This made me actually laugh out loud. If 'Where did you get that banana?' hasn't become a family phrase I'll be exceptionally disappointed, OP.

Hardbackwriter you're not funny. It was a reply to a poster justifying mistakes to sleep deprivation to me.

Scatteredmama

Not a small child story but funny all the same. I was out with my best friend in a busy pub. I went to the loo and left her by the bar. I returned to see her still queuing for the drinks, so I sneaked up behind her and with both hands, gave both bum cheeks a good squeeze. Imagine my horror when a complete stranger whipped round with a disgusted look on her face. I tried explaining myself but to make it worse I couldn’t see my friend anywhere! She must have thought I was a right perv

Yeah I grabbed a mans hand in France once thinking it was my dad. He looked at me and peeled his hand away in horror glancing around to see if anyone had seen.

I was 14. Now that was embarrassing.

We were at a Christmas family gathering, it was lots of extended family so my kids wouldn't have known everyone, my then 10yo DS was standing behind a man sitting in a chair and sort of absentmindedly started massaging/patting his head. The look on his face when he realised it wasn't his dad was priceless, he was so embarrassed

@Banooshka

She pushed the pram away

For a few seconds, get over yourself you dramalama