Adult ADHD support thread

[Completmentfille]

Hi,

I was diagnosed with combined type ADHD last year at the grand old age of 30 and am medicated. Medication very much helps but I still struggle with lots of things day to day, and lockdown has not helped.

I just wondered if there were any more of us about and if a support thread would be helpful?

Also alcohol dependence, depression and anxiety. I'm sad that I've wasted so much time and energy and money. But happy that I could start to finally feel like a grown up.

Struggling today. I know this diagnosis and subsequent medication could change my life but there’s so much a need to prioritise financially before spending hundreds in a medical diagnosis. It would make everything so much easier for me though but it’s just one thing after another money wise at the moment.

Nearly, you should be able to be referred on the NHS.

I guess there is the argument that getting a diagnosis would make it easier to deal with some of the other things that you have going on, so it's not wrong to prioritise it.

I don't have a dx but this all seems very familiar and is how I've always been (disorganised, constantly late, messy, terrible at focusing on what people are saying, can't just do one thing and jump between things - like other people pretty much all my uni work was submitted late or on time only as a result of working stupid hours at the last minute). I know what I should be doing and that I'd feel better for doing it, and still don't. When I read about this I had that light bulb moment, and it would be amazing if there was medication that could help.

BUT I'm also aware I have got better in last few years without a dx/medication (I tidy more, I'm on time more etc) and I do enough that I get on ok with work (although I know I'm worse at my job than other people seem to think I am). I suppose I'm worried that I am just lazy and inconsiderate of others and that if I really had ADHD I wouldn't sometimes be able to manage, and my life would look worse on paper (it doesn't feel great to me - I know I'm not a good enough mum, daughter, niece, friend etc, don't get the things done I want to - but I know objectively it looks fine).

I really want to talk to someone and find out if I can get an assessment/help but I'm worried if I mention it the response will be dismissive and I'd be left knowing it is all my fault for not trying harder (and I'd feel guilty going to my gp atm anyway).

Anyway joining because it feels like someone might understand.

Are you in your early 30s/late 20s, crimsonrose?

People with ADHD often feel like things improve by those ages because that's when your executive functioning "levels out" for want of a better phrase - you gain around a typical 21 year old's level of functioning, which is good enough for most parts of adulthood. However, most people's EF keeps developing until they're about 25. If you have ADHD you get stuck at this lower level.

Mid 30s. Thanks Bertie, I'd be interested to look into that.

A few of you asked me to update, well, I have been diagnosed with ADHD. Mostly inattentive but some hyper traits too so I have a diagnosis of combined ADHD! All went well, I’m still trying to take it all in!

Huzzah! Congrats on the diagnosis :)

I had my appointment today as well. I gave a long rambling description of why I'm failing at everything and then felt I was moaning too much so said "Oh, it's probably just the pandemic, isn't it? Everyone's feeling this way." and my doctor said "Well, yes, it's probably not helping, but you're actually describing the impairment from ADHD."

So that was validating.

I'm going to try a medication combination which I've tried before but wasn't especially useful. I will see if it makes any difference this time. I also noticed that there was a new sign in the lift for a Neurofeedback practice. I asked about this, as I was at a conference a couple of years ago where they were raving about it and had even been a guinea pig for a demo, so I asked whether he thought it worked. He said that it works very well, but for it to be effective in general life you would have to do it twice a day, basically forever. Health insurance OTOH pays for 10 sessions of it which you get once a week, so it's pretty much pointless until such point as they develop cheap and portable enough machines to allow people to do it for themselves at home. But he did then say that there's a kind of software based training you can do, which essentially does the same thing without the EEG machine, and this you can do at home once you've completed an 8 week course which teaches you how to do it. He then gave me a list of practices in the local area that do this, so I am going to look into this. I had the name in English but have forgotten now, so I'll come back with it later.

Thank you BertieBotts. I’ve had a few days to think it over and it’s now starting to sink in. The neurofeedback practice sounds fascinating, do you have any info about it?

Hello everyone! I was diagnosed with combined type adhd a few years ago. I'm 31 now. I don't exactly remember how long ago it was but I was struggling with anxiety and a lot of it came from me just constantly dropping the ball and always being out of sync. Anyway v strong family history of adhd and my gp recommended I be assessed for adhd. Got a diagnosis and a lot of things clicked into place. Started adhd meds and my anxiety reduced massively.
My mum was v surprised bc I was a good student but a lot of that was bc I was highly anxious I didn't misbehave and naturally bright so i finished homework minutes before lesson etc. Looking back so many adhd traits were super obvious in retrospect but it also makes sense that they were missed.

I also find sensory things quite overwhelming, like smells and certain fabrics.

Forever putting clothes on back to front, distracted, losing my train of thought, lose words, names are a big big problem, no sense of direction, time blindness, no awareness of how long things actually take. Overeat bc I need to have sensory input all the time. Read Til stupid o clock bc I have to know what happens next, jump from task to task, etc. Also I find maintaining a household v v challenging. My dh now basically does most of the housework. Remembering to do homework with my kids is basically beyond me. I find that very disheartening

I had to go off meds while I was pregnant and it was very difficult. I have been in concerts and elvanse before I was pregnant and I know one seemed to help with hyperactivity and the other was better for concentration but I don't remember which was better for which :/ I went back on elvanse a few months ago and I don't know if it's due to the pandemic and how insane everything is but it's definitely not having the same effect it did pre pregnancy. But could be because of just sheer exhaustion of too much work.

Anyway this is super rambly sorry.

The biggest irony is I have multiple jobs: I teach and I'm also an assistant psychologist. Both jobs require lots of planning and sticking to deadlines and self organisation and I a m a disaster at these things. I do qbcheck assessments and I have to sit and observe in silence for up to 20 minutes, which is crazy hard! Teaching is a joy, prep and marking and the paperwork destroys me daily

Neurofeedback is the name of the treatment, I meant a practice as in a doctor's (therapist's) practice.

The way it was explained at the conference is that everyone's brain naturally cycles through 5 different types of brain waves. Alpha/Beta/Theta and then two which are basically asleep/unconscious I think. Alpha, Beta and Theta are three different levels of concentration vs relaxation. (I can't remember which is which). Using EEG, you can see what brainwaves someone's generating at any one time, and so by hooking the EEG up to a computer, they made a "video game" where you look at the screen and it's programmed to encourage one type of brainwave, so the one I tried out was supposed to be for relaxation to help people deal with stress. Therefore the game would be neutral if you were using too much of the concentrating brainwave and it would progress/you'd win points when you were using the relaxing type of brain activity. Because we associate video game points with a reward, that releases dopamine, which then encourages your brain to do more of the thing it's being rewarded for. They could customise the graphics and the aim of the game of course, but for the demo they had this relaxation one with a levitating monk :o If your brain was relaxed, the monk would start to float higher and higher up the screen, whereas if you were stressed/concentrating, the monk would float down again and eventually sit on the ground. They put it on me and immediately commented that I had more of the too-relaxed brain waves than usual, which is something usually seen in patients with an attention disorder (I hadn't mentioned my ADHD at this point). I then found that while at first it seemed random, I could actually control the progress of the monk. When I was curious and looking at the different aspects of the screen or listening to the guy talking behind me and focusing on conversations in the room, the monk would fall down. Whereas when my brain was doing its usual ADHD 10000 thoughts at once kind of thing, he'd float and float and fairly easily zoom right to the top of the screen. For treatment of ADHD, they generally use a program which reverses this, so you get the reward based on the conscious/concentrated thoughts, not so much for the relaxed state of mind. It was a bit too easy for me and probably training the wrong type of thought, but it was sooo interesting.

At that time it wasn't covered by health insurance at all, but it is now. I don't know whether the NHS covers it, probably not at this point, but perhaps in the future. One of the issues they've had with it here in Germany is that it very quickly became "fashionable" and so lots of occupational therapists wanted to offer it, meaning lots have been on short courses where you only get taught the basics of it. Apparently the people who originally developed it are a bit concerned about this, because it's quite subtle and you get vastly better results with a practitioner who is experienced and has it as their speciality or has studied it extensively. When it's someone offering it as an extra who has just done a weekend course they say it may not be as effective (of course, they might just want people to go to their business!)

December my doctor said Elvanse is usually for hyperactivity, so it's probably that way around. Concerta sounds like concentration as well, medications are sometimes named like that.

Medication won't work as well if you're not getting enough sleep and/or not eating correctly. Which can be half the battle with ADHD

Thanks @BertieBotts. I need to have a doctor appointment but have to message in am for appmt and invariably remember after lunch

Same problem with remembering to take my meds... And ordering repeats...

I kept forgetting my medication until I set up an alarm on my phone that I had to scan a barcode to turn off. Set the barcode to the medicine box.

Bertie that sounds fascinating! I wonder how long before something like that is available for home use?

@BertieBotts I was listening to a podcast that mentioned the treatment you’re talking about. If I can find it again I’ll link it here.

That barcode alarm sounds like exactly what I need! An alarm itself is not enough but to have to do that before I can turn it off would work.

Alarmy is a free one. That's the one I got DS to use to get him out of bed in the morning :o it works! (when I didn't have a cosleeping baby, I did this too! Set it to toothpaste or bathroom hand soap).

Anyway my doctor reckoned MBSR does the same thing and you can do it from home. I'm not sure but it's interesting. I might look into it.

Bertie that sounds really helpful thanks!

Hello, tentatively stepping in here, as I'm beginning to think I need to speak to a professional of some kind. I don't think my brain works like other people's.

@Decemberdaily Some parts of your post rang true with me. Good student, bright and well behaved, often did my homework at the last minute. Absolutely zero sense of direction. Can't seem to get on top of housework, although it's never REALLY bad, it's normally bad enough that I wouldn't want an unannounced guest. I also have multiple jobs, one of which is bookkeeping, and I know I'm good at it, I've been described at meticulous by previous employers.

Since I started thinking about it, some of the factors that make me think I should see someone are:

Social anxiety - often don't want to see people, even friends. Sometimes I have to really build myself up to an event, even if it's just four of us going to a friend's house for a glass of wine. If I'm in the supermarket and I see an acquaintance, I will hang back until they've gone, or I'll take a different aisle - anything to avoid stopping and having to chat.

I have always, since childhood, had one or two close friends, rather than being part of a big group. The only time I've had a big group of friends that I felt I belonged to, was in my 20s, when I was going clubbing and using recreational drugs a couple of times a month. I know there have been studies into medical use of MDMA, so I find this quite interesting.

Always having this feeling of detatchment. That I'm just not like other people. Often feeling like I'm bluffing my way through, passing as normal. Feeling like the real me is inside, looking out, going "phew, got away with it".

Can't make choices because I'm overwhelmed by the options. At a bar, I'd let a friend order first, and then go "oh, that sounds good, I'll have that too". If someone says "tea or coffee?" I'll just say the first one that comes to mind, even if I don't actually want that.

I worry about being presented with situations where I don't know the correct process, or know what's expected of me. Using a new car park is a good example. Do I pay first, or after? Are certain levels reserved? Is there a time limit on certain levels? Although there's normally a sign somewhere dealing with all that, I can't take it all in, in the time it takes to drive past it. I much prefer to find out in advance and feel much more comfortable once I know the process. It's the same with using a new petrol station.

I mentioned having no sense of direction. I can not plan a route, even if I know it, but once I'm actually walking or driving, it's usually ok. However, if you dropped me in the middle of a familiar route, I couldn't confidently say which direction home and which was town. I get areas mixed up, I can see a particular location in my mind, but would confuse that with a similar looking area on an entirely different route. (Rural area here, where most places have only one main route. So the route to local town A would have a particular corner which I would expect to see when I'm driving to local town B, if that makes sense.)

I don't know what all of this means, if anything. I've recently been watching tiktok videos by women who have had ADHD diagnosed as adults, but I'm conscious to not apply everything to myself, because there are times when you think "OMG I do that too!" and it means nothing. But more and more rings true, except the Hyperactivity part.

I don't know where I'm going with this, I'm rambling. Sorry.

Sorry, the sense of direction thing - I meant to say, I can get lost coming out of a room if it's an unfamiliar building. Buildings with lots of rooms are awful for me, I can come out of the room fully expecting the stairs to be on the right, and they're not, they're on the left. A hotel corridor is the worst - not that it's a situation I have to deal with very often, but they're identical in both directions. I use Google maps to go places I've been to a hundred times, as I'm just not convinced I could get there myself. Trying to convey this to a friend, years ago now, and she said "but don't places look familiar?" well yes, but that doesn't mean I'm going the right way, that just means I've been there before!

@somni you've described the lack of a sense of direction thing so clearly - I know exactly what you mean

Yes, the lack of direction thing is me too! I get lost in the ladies, if there’s two doors...

Reading this thread has given me the push to actually do something about what I've thought could maybe be ADHD - the more I read the more I see myself described. I learnedabout Rejection SensitiveDysphoria a few weeks ago and it describes me so accurately I cried.
I've felt for a few years now the problems I've always put down to a difficult upbringing or depression and anxiety could actually be caused by ADHD, and secretly diagnosed myself (ie I haven't told anyone about this) a year or so ago.
I initially thought I had some mild ASD symptoms but also thought 'who doesn't?' so never thought to pursueit and seek treatment. Now I know how ADHD manifests differently in women and men I see myself so clearly represented and I think it has played a large part in my many failures - from walking out of uni and several jobs, to being unable to make new friendships and keep the ones that I have.
I wonder if anyone who has gone down the route of a private would mind talking about the process? On psychiatry.uk they ask you to choose a doctor - how did you choose and would you recommend them? How long did it take? Will they discuss the possibilityof concurrentdiagnoses such as ASD or OCD if I book an ADHD appointment for example?

Joining the thread!

I was diagnosed on Sep 1 this year at age 53, after reading threads on here that I recognised myself in.

It was a massive surprise and a bit of a shock. I'm not sure anyone in my family takes it seriously. I've tried all the stimulant meds and they don't agree so I'm on week two of Atomoxetine.