When people on MN talk about co sleeping....

[PersicariaBistortaSuperba]

...what are they actually referring to? I had always thought it was sleeping in the same bed as your child, so sharing a mattress. However it seems it might be used to mean just sharing the same room to sleep.

sharing a bed

Thanks. Always thought bed sharing was rarer than hens teeth in real life but it appears that cannot be the case going by number of references to co sleeping on MN.

Why did you think that?

They could also be referring to having the child in a co sleeper cot, like a next to me crib.

I usually take it to mean same bed though. I'm surprised how many people actually sleep in the same bed as their kid/s

Same bed. Surely most parents would have the baby in the same room for the first six to 12 months so it wouldn't need a name for it?

I can't believe sharing a bed is that rare? IME most parents I know end up doing it at least some of the time to just get some sleep!

Bedsharing is really common. I think full time intentional bedsharing is much rarer, but I think a majority of people end up sharing with their baby sometimes, especially if breastfeeding. Cosleeping can also mean a baby in the same room as its parents though, so it is difficult to know what people mean.

Same bed.

Same bed. I thought it was pretty common.

Before 6 months - cosleeper crib attached to the bed.
After 6 months - actually in my bed. Which I thought we were done with but little DD appears to have crept in between us so I'm enjoying the rare middle of the night snuggles

Where I live in the US, co sleeping means in the same room, bed sharing means to actually be in bed with you. I always say co sleeping then have to remember to clarify.

To me, in England, it means same bed. I co-slept with my baby or rather, 'we' (husband and I), did, with our baby between us once he got a bit older. We were careful and safe. When he was very tiny he slept in cot right next to my side so I could get him out easily when he woke for feeding and cuddles. It was nice!

This was years ago - and I mean 'years'. At that time co-sleeping was frowned upon, babies were 'put to bed' in their cots at a certain time (sometimes in their own room!), and expected to stay there except for night feeds in the first few weeks; we used to try not to let people know he slept with us. Even our parents said he should be in his own bed and once he was a few months old, in his room. They also thought he should be left to cry for a while and we were 'spoiling' him. After a while they gave up.

In later years I found out that lots of his friends, though not all, co-slept for years and I didn't feel so worried about it.

We didn't squash him, all three of us slept like logs and he is alive, well and kicking at 41.

Do what is right for you and your baby.

Same bed. Did it with both of mine. Also thought it was common.

Cosleeping, same room or in a sidecar cot.
Bed sharing, on the same mattress.

I think of it as same bed, same mattress. But I've heard people refer to crib (with sides up) as co-sleeping so I never quite know what people are referring to on here!

I think because it's not recommend by Health visitors, people hide it. I wish the guidance would change so people can be told how normal it is and how to do it safely.

I assume the change in the use of the term came because of the guidance to have them in the same room making room sharing more normal. If something becomes the norm it no longer needs a term to describe it.

I think bed sharing is a bit tribal in that people into attachment parenting often find each other through support groups.

I assumed it meant sharing a bed. But more of a thing in its own right, ie the baby doesn’t get put it the cot in the first place, rather than when it wakes up, gets fed and falls asleep and you decide to leave them in your bed so they don’t wake up.

I think as hinted at above it’s a cultural difference between the US and UK. In the US I think it’s more common for babies to go into their own room almost immediately (hence all the beautiful Pinterest nursery posts from the US) and this they use the term co-sleeping for those that sleep, in a cot, in the room of the parents.

We share a bed.

I don’t think it’s rare. Most people I know who have small babies have done it at some point, some out of desperation and some quite happily. Some stayed with it.

I could never do this! Far too risky.

Sharing a bed. Which to me seems common. It is not risky if planned and done safely. It is a natural way to sleep with babies and young children.

Bed sharing. There’s nothing wrong with it and actually midwifes and even the lullaby trust recommend ‘ if it’s done safely’.
It’s far safer to share bed that’s been set up with no pillows near baby or duvets on bed, than parents falling asleep from sleep deprivation on sofa with baby.

It's really surprising me the amount of people on this thread saying "most people I know have co slept at some point" - from what I know, not a single solitary friend of mine has ever "co slept" - a few friends have allowed their baby in their bed when poorly and won't settle but that lasts a day or two and they're straight back in their own bed when they're better. In those cases I wouldn't say they considered themselves co sleepers. Unless they're lying then I truthfully don't know anyone IRL who regularly cosleeps but MN is full of people who do.

I can't think of anything worse.

@CarrotCakeSupprise

I can't believe sharing a bed is that rare? IME most parents I know end up doing it at least some of the time to just get some sleep!

I agree. Having no cot and setting up specifically to bed share is unusual in my experience. But having a baby who ends up in the parents bed at some point during the night is pretty common. I know my youngest usually came in with us from 4 to 7 am most night when she was tiny, as she wouldnt settle in her co-sleeper crib and I didnt want to wake at 4am.