When people on MN talk about co sleeping....

[PersicariaBistortaSuperba]

...what are they actually referring to? I had always thought it was sleeping in the same bed as your child, so sharing a mattress. However it seems it might be used to mean just sharing the same room to sleep.

I've never co slept a single night with my 10yo. I dont think I'd sleep soundly, I'd worry about bashing into him or waking him up. The only person that I know in rl that does it is my dsis. She still sleeps with her 5 yo. Her poor dh has been on the sofa for 8 years (she co slept with her older ds too).
It would be my worst nightmare.

@mrsmummy1111 yes, that is very extreme and not the experience of any cosleepers I know. My oldest DD coslept until about 9months (in a moses by the bed then in with me) as it made bf during the night easier and I got more sleep. By 9m she was sleeping through every night so I moved her to her own crib without an issue. My youngest did the same until around 10m then I started putting her down in her own cot to sleep at 7pm then once she woke at maybe 11-12 we would cosleep, again because it was easier with bf. At 18m I night weaned and now she sleeps through in her own bed. Naps have always been in her cot or moses apart from the odd one on me which we both enjoyed, mostly as a newborn. Does that really sound so dreadful? I think my experiences are more usual than what you described.

Sharing a bed, I share from time to time with my DC, but I don’t every night

Co sleeping cot.

They have their own safe space right next to you.
You can fully relax and sleep and they ate right there.

I co sleep and by that I mean I have my baby in bed with me (on top of duvet with a blanket just on me).

I’ve co slept with all three of my children . Had next to me sleepers but they all wanted to be in my arms as babies. They all slept though the night as well apart from a quick feed when tiny.

Just got rid of the next to me crib for my 8 week old. She slept in it twice for about an hour. It just became a cumbersome phone holder.

I don’t tell anyone though as people can be such arses about it.

My older two were in with me until they were three and wanted to go in their own beds in their own room.

@mrsmummy1111We tended to all go up to bed about 9pm, Dh and I would watch tv and they would fall asleep. It was no hardship and we aren’t into strict routine bedtimes when they are little.

We have big age gaps - I’ve got 18, 7 and a baby. Even when they are out of the bed we tend to go up at 9 and watch telly so it’s no different with the baby!

We don’t tend to have time away from them together at least, for The first few years anyway. Never thought about doing it.

I mainly co sleep as I’m lazy. My babies sleep when they are next to me. I couldn’t think of anything worse than being sleep deprived having to be up and down settling a baby in their own cot all night.

@Ozgirl75

I never planned to co sleep but my second was a terrible sleeper and I was knackered and went for the path of least resistance which was to have him snuggled up to me where he would feed on and off without me having to do anything, like get up.

He’s now 7 and goes off to bed fine by himself and then at some point in the night he comes in and snuggles me (I don’t even wake when he comes in). Personally, to wake up with one of the people who who loves you most in the world next to you, sometimes with his little hand on my face, sometimes just snuggled into my neck makes me so happy and I treasure it every day. I know he won’t always do it but when I’m old and he’s grown up I shall absolutely treasure those sleepy cuddles with him.

Mine was like that, it was lovely.

I never went to bed at 7pm and lay for ages with him awake, hoping he'd sleep. My son went to sleep downstairs and one of us would carry him up later. After a couple of hours he'd wake and we'd bring him downstairs for a drink and cuddle or whatever, nappy change when he was a baby, then take him up with us when we were going to bed. It didn't inconvenience us at all.

[quote ShinyGreenElephant]@mrsmummy1111 yes, that is very extreme and not the experience of any cosleepers I know. My oldest DD coslept until about 9months (in a moses by the bed then in with me) as it made bf during the night easier and I got more sleep. By 9m she was sleeping through every night so I moved her to her own crib without an issue. My youngest did the same until around 10m then I started putting her down in her own cot to sleep at 7pm then once she woke at maybe 11-12 we would cosleep, again because it was easier with bf. At 18m I night weaned and now she sleeps through in her own bed. Naps have always been in her cot or moses apart from the odd one on me which we both enjoyed, mostly as a newborn. Does that really sound so dreadful? I think my experiences are more usual than what you described.[/quote]
No what you did isn't dreadful. Or at least it doesn't sound it. But it still wouldn't be my choice. I exclusively breastfed and it really wasn't that much of a fart on to walk into the baby's room to feed him, then get back into bed. Some people make out as though it's an enormous inconvenience to have to go to the baby to feed rather than have them right there, but I would consider it more of an inconvenience to have the baby in my bed. And besides he didn't need 24h access to my boobs during the night.

So when they were younger they just went to bed whenever you went to bed? I just can't imagine for 9 whole months not being able to have the evenings to myself. My husband & I needed that time to reconnect. Otherwise what time do we have together just the two of us?

DS slept on me (or someone else) for all naps for the first 10 weeks and I loved every second of it, but was equally glad to be able to put him down in his cot and have some time to breathe and potter around doing things I couldn't do when he was awake.

@KitKatastrophe we always intended to sleep with the last two after co sleeping with the first as he wouldn’t settle in the cot.

We only had co sleeping cots for a wee while as MIL insisted on buying them for us as she thinks it’s crazy to have a baby in the same room let alone the same bed.

We tried a couple of times but we were all happier bed sharing. Both co sleepers ended up as glorified bedside tables before being put in the shed after a few weeks.

I will say though I love the baby stage - I know not a lot of people really love 0-1 but I do. My babies sleep next to me, nap on me, they are always on me or Dh 24/7. I really, really enjoy it but I know it’s not for everyone.

@mrsmummy1111 not everyone has a choice. DS - and DD currently tho only 3 weeks - wouldnt sleep without me. I found it very tough.

I never intended to bed-share but DS simply wouldn't settle unless he was right next to/on me or DH. Even in the next-to-me, with me right there, he would thrash about and cry unless he was fully touching me. We were too scared to bed-share at that point so DH and I stayed awake in shifts, letting DS sleep on us. We were going out of our minds with tiredness and one day I just snapped, read about the safe sleep 7, and we all got a lot more sleep from then on!

DS is now 8 months - he starts the night in his cot and then comes in to our bed usually some time between 12 and 2, although he's going through a monster sleep regression at the moment and needs regular resettling all evening I'm sure he'll get there eventually but at the moment, bed-sharing is the only way we can avoid being up every hour or less to comfort him.

Sharing a bed, or at the very least, sidecarring a cot.

Bed-sharing. We only did it occasionally out of desperation, I found it really hard to sleep with a baby in the bed. They both had a moses basket in our room for the first few months (or downstairs during the day/evening) and then across the landing to their own rooms and cots. I was definitely not one for 24 hour a day contact, I didn't like slings either.

@mrsmummy1111 until theyre 6 months old you can't leave them alone to sleep anyway, the next few I would usually get them to sleep then go and jump in the bath etc, also my DH goes to bed early anyway when hes working as hes up at 5.30 and he works in construction so its tiring. By 9m it was starting to become a pita so we moved them to their own cots. In terms of getting up, I find it hard to get to sleep so once I was up, sitting in the rocking chair feeding for 20/30 mins then putting them down and back to bed, that would sometimes be me up for the night. When she wakes in the night now (rare, but last night DH gave her ribena at tea time and she wet the bed about 3am), I usually won't go back asleep. So cosleeping worked for us, it genuinely wasn't desperation or no other choice, I just found it easier with mine, and I miss the snuggles tbh. I honestly enjoyed it and will be disappointed if Dd3 prefers to sleep alone from birth, although if she does I will let her of course. I also think it makes a difference too that we have a super king size bed - might be harder in a double but ours has plenty of room for a toddler

Share a mattress. I co-slept with both of mine, still do with the 6 year old as they prefer it. I lied to the health visitor about it as I didn't want the lecture, especially as she had given me a leaflet about raising my baby around a dog despite my pet quite clearly being a cat

We bed share, although I often do refer to it as cosleeping. Did it with ds from 6 months and dd from birth. The stats around cosleeping tragedies are mostly based on people who fell asleep accidentally on a chair or sofa. When ds was a baby, before I'd looked into it properly, I swore I'd never bedshare. But all night breastfeeding made me so tired that I did fall asleep with him in the chair a few times. I shudder looking back at how dangerous that was. Once I learnt about the guidelines for safer bedsharing we both slept a lot better. No more sleep deprivation, no more falling asleep in unsafe places. Wish I'd done it with him from birth.

I suspect part of the reason why breastfeeding rates in the UK are among the lowest in the world (the lowest?) has to do with co-sleeping being frowned upon.

I tried to follow the guidelines with my first bit with my second and third I just kept them in bed with me and lied to the HV. Which is crazy really and she could have given me advice about safe co sleeping.

We bed share with our DD who is 3yo, and we all love the cuddles. We even upgraded to a super king for that very reason. I wish we had just done it intentionally from the start, because it would have saved a lot of stress and sleepless nights. It's not something that ever comes up in a conversation though, so it's hard to know how common it is.

We had a cot bed with one side removed and attached to our bed.

There’s nothing wrong with it and actually midwifes and even the lullaby trust recommend ‘ if it’s done safely’. It’s far safer to share bed that’s been set up with no pillows near baby or duvets on bed, than parents falling asleep from sleep deprivation on sofa with baby.

My HV is brilliant and when I told her that we co-sleep she said that was good because getting a decent sleep helps you deal with whatever the daytime throws at you and she offered to show me how to do it safely. At that point I confessed I'd co-slept with all four DC

Of those of you that co sleep - does the child ever sleep in their own bed? So do you at least get some alone time when they're napping or when they first go to bed, and then they eventually end up in your bed? Or how does it work?

This is based on my DC when they were babies.

I would do bedtime at around 7pm with bath/wash, sleepsuit, and a feed then into the moses basket or their cot (when they were bigger). When they woke up for their next feed at anywhere between 10pm and midnight, they'd go into my bed from that point onwards and stay for the rest of the night. If I needed them out of the bed for any reason - if I or DH was ill or either of us had a drink or we wanted the bed for adult time, etc- then they had their cot that I could lift them into.

Once they got past the stage of needing/wanting a feed in the night, so basically once they were weaned, I used to start them off in their own bed at bedtime and then they were allowed into my bed if they woke up during the night. They all transitioned to sleeping in their own beds all night and now its only the youngest who still comes in but she no longer comes in every night so I think she'll altogether stop soon.

I didn't really go away overnight when they were small as I was breastfeeding but the occasional night away I did have they were happy to co-sleep with DH and have expressed milk. When they got older and went for sleepovers at my parents house they would co-sleep with my mum instead.

@PersicariaBistortaSuperba

Thanks. Always thought bed sharing was rarer than hens teeth in real life but it appears that cannot be the case going by number of references to co sleeping on MN.

Do you not share a bed with a partner?

To me, that's weird.

[quote WankPuffins]@KitKatastrophe we always intended to sleep with the last two after co sleeping with the first as he wouldn’t settle in the cot.

We only had co sleeping cots for a wee while as MIL insisted on buying them for us as she thinks it’s crazy to have a baby in the same room let alone the same bed.

We tried a couple of times but we were all happier bed sharing. Both co sleepers ended up as glorified bedside tables before being put in the shed after a few weeks.[/quote]
I know some people do plan to co-sleep like you did but I think the majority dont plan to do so.

I didn't plan to co-sleep, KidKatastrophe, but it just seemed natural to do so when I had my baby and I am glad I did. I know my husband's grandmother had her babies in bed with her when they were tiny, she talked about it; my in laws said, "Oooh you don't do that now, too dangerous". However we ignored and in some countries it has aways been done.