Take a Break style story

[DryRoastPeanut]

I’ll start, then can you please follow on.

It was a rare night out. Mum had offered to babysit and it was the first time I’d left twins Kylie and Krusty since their dad had left us.
As I applied my lipstick I sighed, was a late night and a hangover going to be worth my trouble? After all everyone at the local pub knew I was an unmarried mum. The Shellsuit and Perm was a great place and had been my teenage haunt up until I married Dodgy Dave 14 months ago.
Everyone said we were far too young, but at 17 we thought we knew it all.....

I looked in my wardrobe and pulled on a pair of jeans and a sparkly top. I had always been a curvy size 16 but recently I had been comfort eating and had gone up to a size 24. The delivery driver from my local curry house knew my order of 3 creamy curries, poppadoms and my favourite spicy wings and always gave me a cheeky wink as he handed it over to me.

I did my makeup at the dressing table I’d made for myself out of some cardboard boxes wrapped in bubble wrap. I’d popped some glitter on it to match it to my decor and it was the envy of all my friends.

What I didn't know was that the local delivery driver who always gave me a cheeky wink and grin was also a cage fighter in his spare time. He had rippling muscles, strong biceps and a really nice bum...

When I walked into the pub the first thing I saw was Dave pushed up against the wall with Mandy. The cow! She had been my best friend since we were 3 except she'd been a bit vague the last few times I text her. And now she had her tongue so far down Dave's throat she must be able to taste him breakfast.

I looked around desperately for someone I knew and that's when I spotted the delivery driver...

I tried not to worry. Dave couldn't get enough of my new womanly figure
"Only a dog wants a bone," he'd laugh, his eyes sparkling as he grabbed my generous curves. "Oi" I giggled, as he smudged my blue mascara

I sighed to myself Willing myself time crack a smile.. I'd never been with anyone else since getting with Dave a week after my 14th birthday .. but Dave has changed since joining the new carpet fitters.. I couldn't put my finger on it but my gut just told me - he wasn't 'my Dave' anymore

This is fabulous, even better than the real thing,...I giggled to myself as we embraced.
I knew we had a connection.

I felt coy and a bit surprised by Dave, but remembered how his cheeky smile and peachy bum had made me smitten.

And the clue was when I saw Mandy down his throat. I looked across to the delivery driver. He must have noticed the shock on my face as I saw Dave and Mandy...

Just then the delivery driver charged over to Dave and decked him one. "That's for making her cry every night you jerk! She deserves to be with a real man like me"

I couldn't believe he'd do this to me. When he'd proposed to me at that dodgy crook in the stairs they have outside the bogs at Wetherspoons, he'd promised it would be forever. Now it looked like it would be me and the kids again. I held my head high. I'd nothing to be ashamed of. Dave and Mandy were the ones who should hang their heads. Especially Mandy, the home wrecking slag.

In time, Dave, Mandy, Phil the delivery driver and I became close. We’d put our differences aside and Mandy would often come over to our home in Crofton close, Manchester, for a cuppa and a natter.

And that's when it went wrong. One night we all ended up in bed together. It was a bit tots and willy everywhere, bit we'd drink about 10 bottles of Lambrini and were feeling all liberated...

Mandy became Godmother to mine and Phils 5 children, Chanel, Louis-Vuitton, Rolex and twins, Dolce & Gabanna.

Swinging quickly became my new lifestyle. We started meeting up every weekend, and trying out new positions and new toys from Ann Summers.

Over time, Phil and I drifted apart. He didn't seem interested in eating curry with me anymore. Mandy spent more and more time at my house.

Phil and I were delighted to learn I was expecting! In time, we welcomed little Kierna to our family. Kylie and Krusty were delighted with their new sister and we settled happily into our family life.

The only cloud in our silver lining was Mandy. She seemed miffed.

And then one morning I woke up and felt sick. I'd never felt this bad since I was pregnant with the twins. But how would I know who the dad was?

At that moment, the lights dimmed and my nan's favourite song came on- "My Neck, My Back" by Khia. I thought of my nan and the way she'd slip me a twenty and tell me to go and have some fun. That's what she'd tell me now, if she was here. I missed her so much, but she'd decided to stay in Benidorm with Omar, the Turkish waiter she'd met on her last holiday with the Ladies Bingo club. Still, I could feel her presence around me now as I strutted my way across to Damo, the delivery driver. He was so fit - but would he look at me and see a curvy, confident woman, or would he just see the five portions of Chicken Malaya?

In time both Mandy and I discovered we had fallen pregnant on that fateful night ,who was the father/ father's to our babies ?

That's when Mandy and I realised we had actually been IMPREGNATED BY ALIENS!

And for years the curries had been laced with alien tracking ingredients

I've reported this thread. Nasty, lazy stereotyping.

We decided to make the best of the situation and agreed to be each other's birthing partner. We went to all the scans together.

I wondered whether to tell my mum, Val, 64. She liked Phil, and would even visit the flat when I was out down the shopping centre £1 shop. They were always flushed and laughing when I got back.....