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Original poster

Interesting observation about my cat since his brother died

77 replies

OscarRIP · 29/10/2020 07:26

I acquired two tabby brothers fifteen years ago from a lady who kept them in a flat since kittens. When she became pregnant she decided to find a more suitable home for them and I was lucky enough to see her advert in a local pet shop.

They have had a wonderful life since with full access to outdoors in a safe low-car area and, although litter brothers, were not affectionate with each other more like sibling rivals.

Osc died on 5th October after a short illness and he had been a noisy cat, miowing to us regularly. Jumps was the silent one.

Now Jumps is miowing more to me, particularly when he wants door open, or when he feels it is tea time, or when I am not sitting so he can sit with me. This is something Oscar did and Jumps was silent.

Does this resonate with any other cat owners?

OP posts:
VenusClapTrap · 29/10/2020 07:35

Yes. My remaining cat has completely changed personality since her sister died. She was always the quiet one. Now she is much more assertive - and a lot happier. I had never realised quite how repressed she was by her sister.

fizzyp0p · 29/10/2020 07:41

Yes my girls best friend died last year and she is way way more vocal and demanding now.

EatPrayYoga · 29/10/2020 07:43

This is interesting. I'm sorry you lost one of your cats OP.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Cats
TheNoodlesIncident · 29/10/2020 08:14

This is very, very common in households with more than one cat. One cat dominates the other and is very much in charge, generally the humans in the house don't fully recognise it to the extent that it exists. Then when the dominant cat is gone, the second-ranking cat seems to "bloom" and their character is more clearly revealed.

You're lucky that your two tolerated each other to that extent. I had to rehome one of my cats, as both in the same household was causing them so much stress they were getting ill. It broke my heart but I do think that it was in their best interests to live separately.

Sorry about poor Oscar, it sounds like he had a good life with you.

violetbunny · 29/10/2020 08:49

One of ours went missing for 2 weeks and while he was gone, his sister was like a different cat. You could tell she was like, "Hooray, now it's all about ME!". So affectionate and happy.

When we eventually found her brother, upon bringing him home she hissed at him and slapped him in the face 😂😐

NaToth · 29/10/2020 11:39

Same happened here. The survivor had a year in the sun after his brother died. Really found his voice.

Made me feel terribly guilty because I wondered if he had been bulled for the previous seventeen years. We are deliberately a single cat household now.

bluebluezoo · 29/10/2020 11:45

We are also a single cat household after realising most cats only tolerate each other.

We had brothers, littermates, who on the surface cuddled up, groomed, play fought etc. You’d have thought they were devoted.

Only the spraying and the stress behaviours were intolerable. We spent several years trying everything. Eventually our vet said the only thing left to do was split them, as it could be each other that was the source of the stress.

So we did. What a massive difference. Both cats were so, so much happier and all the stress behaviour stopped.

Cats don’t get lonely, and don’t need company. There is a rescue local to me who will only rehome in pairs which I think is irresponsible.

I’d only suggest more than one if you have a huge house or outdoor space where they can keep away from each other.

LastInTheQueue · 29/10/2020 12:54

I’m sorry for the loss of your kitty Kat.

As for a change in personality, yes I’ve experienced this. When my cat M died, her “sister” S, who actively ignored her and who was NEVER vocal, started to roam the house miaowing loudly for at least two weeks. S has always been top cat and doted upon, so its not as if her reaction was due to suddenly “having a voice”. S was actively looking for M and mourning. I used to take them both for “walks” around the neighbourhood, and after M’s death, S refused to go out.

It broke my heart to see her like that, and we adopted a kitten from Battersea soon after. S and the new cat have a similar relationship now - S ignores and has gone back to not being vocal; and the new cat is super vocal.

Queenoftheashes · 29/10/2020 13:03

When one of my cats died his brother went missing for two weeks, then came back and never left the house again

Original poster
OscarRIP · 29/10/2020 17:18

@VenusClapTrap

Yes. My remaining cat has completely changed personality since her sister died. She was always the quiet one. Now she is much more assertive - and a lot happier. I had never realised quite how repressed she was by her sister.
Thanks for reply, Venus. Its fascinating isn't it?

Jumps seems unconcerned that he is the only cat in the house now and does not seem to miss his brother. I will not be acquiring another cat while he is with us, he is top cat now and rules us both Grin.

OP posts:
Original poster
OscarRIP · 29/10/2020 17:20

@fizzyp0p

Yes my girls best friend died last year and she is way way more vocal and demanding now.
Fizzy, did she miss her best friend or adapt quickly? Will you get another cat at some stage?
OP posts:
Original poster
OscarRIP · 29/10/2020 17:22

@EatPrayYoga

This is interesting. I'm sorry you lost one of your cats OP.
Thankyou, Eat, I am comforted that (a) he had a long, healthy and happy life and (b) was only unwell for a short time before he died (anal cancer).
OP posts:
Original poster
OscarRIP · 29/10/2020 17:31

@TheNoodlesIncident

This is very, very common in households with more than one cat. One cat dominates the other and is very much in charge, generally the humans in the house don't fully recognise it to the extent that it exists. Then when the dominant cat is gone, the second-ranking cat seems to "bloom" and their character is more clearly revealed.

You're lucky that your two tolerated each other to that extent. I had to rehome one of my cats, as both in the same household was causing them so much stress they were getting ill. It broke my heart but I do think that it was in their best interests to live separately.

Sorry about poor Oscar, it sounds like he had a good life with you.

I totally agree TheNoodle that cats have to tolerate each other. I had hoped my two, being litter brothers, would be friends and allies. However, they were more like rivals for my attention.

Its such a shame about your two cats that didn't tolerate each other Sad. You did the right thing though.

My first cat (a black female) hated on sight the male kitten I brought home and actually 'moved out' to another home Shock.

She would occasionally return to glower at me from the back garden wall, and allow my husband and parents to pet her...but not me Sad. One day, about three months after, she forgave me and moved back, totally ignoring the other cat (but never being aggressive with him, thankfully).

That was why, a few years after they had both died, I got two litter brothers because I thought they would get on better.

OP posts:
TheListeners · 29/10/2020 17:31

We had similar experiences when we had two cats mum and daughter. Mum was a lovely affectionate cat but she had all the prime spots in the house and even when she was out her daughter never dared to use them. Sadly mum was hit by a car and within days her daughter was sleeping wherever she liked. Sorry for your loss OP.

Original poster
OscarRIP · 29/10/2020 17:33

@violetbunny

One of ours went missing for 2 weeks and while he was gone, his sister was like a different cat. You could tell she was like, "Hooray, now it's all about ME!". So affectionate and happy.

When we eventually found her brother, upon bringing him home she hissed at him and slapped him in the face 😂😐

Oh dear, Violet. Grin I can just imagine the thoughts going through her head "WTAF, you brought him home again!!!"
OP posts:
BrevilleTron · 29/10/2020 17:39

I have a mother and son from the cats protection and mum will put son in his place, but he does chase her sometimes. (She delivers pre-emptive slaps for behaviour he has yet to perform) but they do snuggle together (and team up to con their Slaves out of food)

Original poster
OscarRIP · 29/10/2020 17:39

@NaToth

Same happened here. The survivor had a year in the sun after his brother died. Really found his voice.

Made me feel terribly guilty because I wondered if he had been bulled for the previous seventeen years. We are deliberately a single cat household now.

NaToth, ah, that's a good question.

Jumps always seemed to be more dominant out of the two of them. He would regularly pounce on Osc and they would tussle though not violently (no flying fur or biting) and give him a 'look' if Osc had got onto my bed before him (on a Sunday morning lie in) leading to Osc getting off and going downstairs.

I never understood how sometimes they would happily share the bed (or couch) too. I am glad Jumps seems content now, if a lot noisier.

OP posts:
Esmeralda1988 · 29/10/2020 17:42

My ginger girl started to eat much more when her sister from another mister died but you'd never have noticed there was any bullying around food going on. She just seemed to feel more comfortable tucking in.

Susiesue61 · 29/10/2020 17:47

We got two beautiful ginger brothers. Steven died at a few months old, Fernando looked everywhere for him for a few days and then stole his bed 😂 He's still here 10 years later and completely spoilt 😊

Original poster
OscarRIP · 29/10/2020 17:49

@bluebluezoo

We are also a single cat household after realising most cats only tolerate each other.

We had brothers, littermates, who on the surface cuddled up, groomed, play fought etc. You’d have thought they were devoted.

Only the spraying and the stress behaviours were intolerable. We spent several years trying everything. Eventually our vet said the only thing left to do was split them, as it could be each other that was the source of the stress.

So we did. What a massive difference. Both cats were so, so much happier and all the stress behaviour stopped.

Cats don’t get lonely, and don’t need company. There is a rescue local to me who will only rehome in pairs which I think is irresponsible.

I’d only suggest more than one if you have a huge house or outdoor space where they can keep away from each other.

Blueblue that is very interesting. It seems like we are ignorant of cats desires and just assume that they are like dogs, who are pack animals and cope well in a multi dog household.

I live in a high multi-cat area with a 4-cat household on one side of me and 3 the other and plenty more nearby. It must be very stressful for them all to get on in their homes plus deal with other cats on 'their' patch. I have a large garden and, during lockdown, learned all the trails that local cats use in our garden (I spent a lot of time sitting outside). My two tolerated it all reasonably well, sometimes chasing the cats away and sometimes ignoring them.

OP posts:
pandafunfactory · 29/10/2020 17:58

Cats are so fascinating. We just have the one and we know she's happiest like that.

OpposableThumbs2 · 29/10/2020 18:08

Mine is definitely more vocal since her brother died. I don't think she bothered though. She tolerated rather than loved him.

Original poster
OscarRIP · 29/10/2020 18:11

@LastInTheQueue

I’m sorry for the loss of your kitty Kat.

As for a change in personality, yes I’ve experienced this. When my cat M died, her “sister” S, who actively ignored her and who was NEVER vocal, started to roam the house miaowing loudly for at least two weeks. S has always been top cat and doted upon, so its not as if her reaction was due to suddenly “having a voice”. S was actively looking for M and mourning. I used to take them both for “walks” around the neighbourhood, and after M’s death, S refused to go out.

It broke my heart to see her like that, and we adopted a kitten from Battersea soon after. S and the new cat have a similar relationship now - S ignores and has gone back to not being vocal; and the new cat is super vocal.

Aw Last, that's a lovely story and I am so glad you were able to find a solution!
OP posts:
Original poster
OscarRIP · 29/10/2020 18:12

@Queenoftheashes

When one of my cats died his brother went missing for two weeks, then came back and never left the house again
Queen, did you ever find out where he had been? Was he clean and well fed? What a mystery!
OP posts:
Original poster
OscarRIP · 29/10/2020 18:13

@TheListeners

We had similar experiences when we had two cats mum and daughter. Mum was a lovely affectionate cat but she had all the prime spots in the house and even when she was out her daughter never dared to use them. Sadly mum was hit by a car and within days her daughter was sleeping wherever she liked. Sorry for your loss OP.
Oh that's so sad, TheListeners about mum cat Sad. But how interesting that daughter cat could feel comfortable about sleeping where she wanted!
OP posts: