A question for people who are always positive and content and upbeat. How do you do it?

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Like, how?

This is an interesting thread. I find it eye opening (and a bit sad, actually) that some people assume happy people are "putting on a front"!

I feel genuinely very lucky in life. Even even I'm sad or bad things happen, I just feel so grateful for my family, my friends, and all the good things that surround me. I love my husband, my dogs, living in the countryside, the mental stimulation I get from my job. On a global scale, look how lucky we all are, to live where we live (in first world countries) and ìn the age we live in.

Although I work very long hours in a mentally (and sometimes physically) challenging job, and deal with the general public sometimes at their most emotional/angry, I try to let bad emotions wash over me to some extent, and try to see the best in a situation even when things go wrong. I don't blame myself for things I have no control over. A colleague of mine told me I'm resilient, which surprised me, as I don't feel like I've had my resilience tested particularly. When people are nasty or angry or horrible to me or to colleagues, i assume it's because they are an angry person with a negative mindset; aka I don't take it personally; and in fact, it makes me more grateful that I'm not like that!

I like to try to cheer up my colleagues when they're feeling down. Equally, I have times where I feel very stressed and emotional at work, (probably quite often!) and when I do, I don't hide it - I'm pretty useless at hiding how I feel!! - but I get over it fairly quickly and just keep going. I am always so glad of the help my colleagues give me in tough times, and try to reciprocate.

When the pandemic hit and my area first went into a tough lockdown, my automatic reaction was "this is proof of how lucky and how free we all are/I am in normal times"; it made me more grateful for the things and the freedoms we all usually have. I was surprised this wasn't the reaction of many others. Of course I'm sick of being locked down like everybody else, and get stressed and worry about where it's all going, but thankfully my family and friends are all OK, and if being restricted for a while is the worst thing that happens, we'll be lucky in the long run.

I stay reasonably well up on current affairs via the radio etc but I do try not to watch or read the news excessively as it's 95% bad news, which I don't think is good for anybody's mindset.

In my personal life, my husband and I try to always be kind to each other and put each other first. We're far from perfect and have our fights and difficulties like anybody, and are dealing with fertility issues at the moment, but we love each other, tend to get over tensions quickly, and try to always do little things to make each other feel appreciated all the time. We both wonder sometimes why other people are so mean to each other. I'm really lucky to have him and I often wonder how I got him!

I don't know how others perceive me, but I generally feel like a content and very, very lucky person.

@Raindropsonrosesand

I'm like this. It isn't something I do consciously, but I always think of the positives, which pushes negative thoughts back; I believe most people are mostly good and when someone isn't I automatically internally empathise why (bad day, fear, their own past experience); I don't really expect that much from other people and notice with gratitude when they do something kind, which happens often (eg stopping to let us cross the road etc); I mostly feel sufficient as a person, and I actively choose to feel happy at other people's strengths and successes and not compare them to my own (this is probably the only one I started consciously, but is now almost as automatic as the others)

I find it interesting that some pp attribute having these attitudes to a privileged life, and others attribute it to having experienced hardship. I think @Rystall has it right that we make a choice.

This is a brilliant post and sums up how i feel in a more eloquent (and succint!) way

I have had times at work where the pressure and worry about my reputation and department have made me feel almost sick and I have had to get a grip in the car park. And stand up straight and walk confidently in with a smile and face the music - or not as it usually turns out. No one knows but it helps to deal with bigger problems.

24 years ago ds2 died at 27 weeks. I have actual bits of the following year that I don't remember but had to keep going for ds1 and as dd was born 51 weeks later had to look after myself. I don't cry anymore because there are no tears left.

What other people have has never bothered me (and when I worked in the City and had colleagues who earnt three times more than me was always surprised that what others had really bothered them) and I've never felt the need to engage in discussions about other people.

I'm a planner. I planned my life. It was my intention to marry a good man who would give me a comfortable life and believe me I kissed a few frogs. I would have preferred not to marry rather than marry a bad egg. I organised my life very early on. Job, flat, house as a single person. I actually planned my own financial independence so that if I had children having their formative years with them was an option. I plan conversations at work and when I wasn't working and I had to accompany DH I'd read a broadsheet to make sure I had something other than the DC to talk about.

It's pouring here at the moment, awful grey skies and I've a shed load of work to do. But the cat is next to me, the garden is richly autumnal, there is a single rose in bloom outside the kitchen window. If MIL were here It would be a terrible day and she wouldn't be able to go out, the switch on the kettle was dodgy and blah. I wouldn't even think about those things I'd just deal with them.

Ive had a really happy life so far with few major issues. So its easy to focus on the positives when problems arise.
I dont like to share the negative with people and deal with it myself and with my closest family/friends. The rest of people would always see me upbeat.
I have so many good things in my life, that i cant really get worked up about the small stuff.
And i cant hold a grudge. I get over things really quickly and let stuff go.

My mum was like this, she had difficulties in her life, especially becoming a widow at a young age, but essentially tried to focus on the positives and I'd say was naturally like this.

I on the other hand have had to work harder at it, I lived a pretty charmed life, other than my dad dying in my early 20's, but really struggled through my 40's with divorce, subsequent money problems and distraught teens to deal with.
Mindfulness has been a huge help to me, I practice it every day by living mindfully and now in my 50's I think I have achieved a similar mindset to my mum, she luckily had it all her life.

Looking for the good in people/ a situation. Trying to help others when you can. If you must compare yourself with others, compare down, not up. So rather than thinking I wish I was like Janet who has been in the job for twenty years, thinking gosh I remember how disoriented I was when I was like Jason and had only just started, I will see if he needs a hand. Realising that with a few exceptions most people are more interested in themselves and how they look than in you and how you look. Having friends who are genuinely looking out for you.

A few years ago I had what could have been a life changing experience, fortunately I recovered, but I joked with the nurses and tried as much as possible to be positive and in return they would do anything to help me. I am sure that they would try to help me anyway, but why make their work less pleasant by being down about something they couldn't fix. I think that experience of hospital and a long recovery showed me how many other people also are happy to help out whenever possible.

Yes I sometimes get fed up, sometimes things annoy or anger me. Generally though little is to be gained through either getting really angry or really down. I am fairly introverted so I probably don't light up a room, but I go with slow and steady.

My Mum is a bit like a pp's sister (upthread). She never looks at things that she should acknowledge. And because she's so defensive and so committed to not looking inwards, she believes she is ''Positive'' but she projects everything she can't face on me or my dad.

I'm paranoid and sensitive apparently. A straightforward request earlier this year that she stop this labelling now has resulted in months of silence. But her view of herself is ''Positive''.

I am not running down being positive. But there are more fundamental things that need to be looked at before you can make being positive the goal.

I have always been happy with my lot and able to pick myself up after a disappointment.

I'm like this too. I get down or angry, and sometimes bitter, but it never lasts long and I usually wake up in a positive frame of mind. I'm content with my simple life and don't rely on others to make me happy. Negative people can be such a drain and I try not to let negative thoughts hang around for long, and I don't compare myself to others and what they might have.

I'm well medicated. 😉

I think a lot of it has to do with self - esteem and the knowledge that one can cope with challenges. The people I know who are positive have (some of them) been through very sad times (death of a child, loss of employment, spousal illness) yet they keep soldiering on with a smile on their face, because they are intelligent and resourceful and can see a way out of/way to deal with the problem. They are the types to not procrastinate, also. It's a... lack of anxiety, maybe? I wish I had that - it would be preferable to panicking and feeling like I want to hide under a rock! Not sure how to acquire it.

I tend to eternal optimism and am generally positive. I don’t fret about small things, know what’s important to me and like people. I’m an innate moderate risk taker.
I think it comes from knowing my privilege, understanding risks well, having experience of less good times and hardship.
Cancer was surprisingly good for me. Having been told several times in one year I was likely to die shortly through sepsis and multiple embolisms, but then not dying, I think I understand life is only lived the once and wasting time fretting about minutiae isn’t helpful.
Exercise, cold water swimming, friendship, hard work and achievement, a sense of purpose and fulfilment all help.

After ashitload of therapy, I can honestly say I'm like that. I used to be the exact opposite, but now that I finally learned how to say NO, and don't sweat the small stuff, my life has improved massively.

It's hard, especially when it doesn't come naturally, but it is attainable.

Firstly that’s me in a nutshell I’ve always been the same always have a positive outlook on life. It helps I’ve not had any major life trauma to deal with (although like everyone I’ve dealt with issues). My husband is the opposite but does strive to be a bit more like me. He is a worrier and gets stressed about things outside of his control whereas for me if I can’t influence or change something it simply doesn’t register with me. For those who have said it’s not possible and people are lying, that’s simply not true as we are all different. Just because you can’t relate to something or someone doesn’t mean their approach isn’t true or valid.

Another very happy person. I think being able to genuinely forgive and forget is huge, I don’t hold grudges, I don’t worry about things outside my control, and I don’t dwell on things that have gone wrong. I’ve always been like it, but I do think it’s a just a different way of thinking about things!

I'm generally happy/content - but not outwardly so

Sent that too early....I wanted to add that I tend to see the good in life and not dwell on the bad things. I don't read the news very often as I find some of the stories too sad.
I feel content and I am grateful I have my family, we have a roof over our heads and food on the table.

I always try to make the best of whichever situation I’m in. I’m also incredibly grateful for the things I have and try not to dwell on things that have happened and upset me in the past. Sometimes I can become very upset or anxious after something has happened but I soon bounce back unless I keep thinking about it so I actively try not to but I’m also aware that feelings of sadness and anxiety can be beyond our control.
Coming from a family of serious mental health issues I’m incredibly grateful to have escaped serious depression or psychosis.

I wouldn’t describe myself as relentlessly positive but I do subscribe to the belief that, even in the darkest times, things can and will get better.

I had a very difficult childhood with neglectful, emotionally and physically abusive parenting. I won’t lie, it cast a long shadow and I struggled with depression and anxiety badly in my teens and twenties, also into my thirties. I still struggle occasionally with self esteem and trust when something knocks me off kilter, despite a lot of work and therapy over the years.

I’m in my forties now and I have found happiness through acceptance. I work with how things are, rather than wishing they were different. Kindness (to yourself) is key and recognising that emotions, moods and feelings are transient helps. As others have said, I take positive steps to notice and appreciate the good things in my life, however small, and I am thankful for them. I have learned to expend my energy where making change is within my gift or control, rather than railing at stuff I can’t change. I have belatedly learned the truth of the quote ‘comparison is the thief of joy’. By focussing on what’s right and important for me, I’ve let go of a lot of resentment and anger that was holding me back. I find pleasure in spending time with my family, my cat and in nature. I prioritise friendships and relationships where there is mutual give & take, respect and support, and set boundaries for the unbalanced ones that I have to maintain. I gain more fulfilment through mastery of new skills, exercise and hobbies than I do through work. I am much more grounded now and more emotionally and mental resilient.

I am not sure how other people perceive me. I sometimes I think I come across as an Eeyore, because I don’t lie and say everything is hunkydory if it isn’t. However, I am an optimistic realist and do always point out that its just a point in time and change for the better is both possible and likely.

After a couple of very difficult years I have taken to giving myself a talking to late at night in bed (I think it's called auto-suggestion), along the lines of "No more worries, no more problems, no more stress. Things are getting better." I started doing this towards the end of last year, and things did start to get better...until the arrival of coronavirus. Oh well, I will continue regardless.

Some very good pieces of advice in here, which have prompted me to look for some self-improvement literature or videos. Thanks all.

I’m a fairly positive and happy person, despite having had a rough couple of years with a cancer diagnosis, losing my career, Covid etc.

Actually I think it’s because of the first two that I genuinely wake up in the morning excited that I have another day on this earth! Sounds cliched and took me months of therapy to get there. I try to live in the moment and look after my mental health first and foremost.

I am the life and soul of the party. I am always making people laugh, doing kind things for people, generally the one who organises things and gets things done. My friends and family love me, several friends say they are jealous of my life and how happy and sorted I am.

Yet, in the back of my mind all the time - and at the front of when I'm alone with nothing to distract me - I feel the horrible gnaw of anxiety, which often presents itself as periods of panic and tearfulness. I am depressed, and have considered killing myself (and would have, if I weren't so scared about dying .. vicious circle there).

The only person who knows this is my partner.

Everyone else genuinely believes that I am living a wonderful, happy life, and that I'm one of the luckiest people in the world to live like this.

Don't let looks deceive you.

I have no idea how much time I have left so I’m damned if I’m going to waste a minute being miserable!

My family may tell you I'm a bit of a moaner (and yes I do moan at them over little things like household chores!) But on larger aspects I am optimistic and emotionally resilient and I think everyone who knows me would agree with this .

I am a big believer in 'is there anything I can do about this'. So if something goes wrong I have a brief time of panic (upset , anger, whatever) then I quickly think through what is in my power to improve things. If there is something I can do I quickly move to a plan to ease things , but if there's nothing in my immediate power I let things go .

This means that I don't spend time worrying either about really big things I can't change (government policies , Covid ) or things nearer to home such as changes at work / office politics .

I tend to focus on my immediate life and get on with things , and yes I do look at what's positive .

I am probably the opposite of people with a smile on their face whilst struggling inside in that I may join in conversations with people about how awful something is as a social expectation, but inside whatever is being discussed is not having a great impact on me .

Also, I am not a person to hold a grudge or feel envy, and I'm not very materialistic.

I wouldn't say I'm always upbeat and chilled but I am more positive than negative in my thinking.

E.g. if I feel poorly, I'd never Google and think the worst or when there have been redundancies at work, I'd always presume it won't happen to me. I'm not unrealistic but why worry about something that might not happen?