A question for people who are always positive and content and upbeat. How do you do it?

[ConsumerCockup]

Like, how?

@lazylinguist this is true. Probably has a lot to do with resilience too. I have basically none and am projecting.

I have my wobbles and have had periods of depression & anxiety but on the whole I’m positive & upbeat.

This is what helps me:

• spend time outdoors in nature

• have a hobby / interest or passion (mine is cycling)

• keep fit . Take pride in yourself.

• I have a job where there are positives and I get something out of it, I try not to dwell on the annoyances & don’t get involved in office politics

• I’m not materialistic and have no desire to “keep up with the Jones’ “ or have the latest gadgets . Any spare money is spent on things that genuinely give me pleasure (eg a bike)

• I ditched people who were takers but never givers

• I stopped being a people pleaser - I now put my own priorities first (and my DC’s, of course)

• I know my own limits. I don’t try and bite off more than I can chew (prime example = sticking to one child as felt like I wouldn’t cope well with more)

• social media use is limited to stuff to do with my hobbies, I stay away from anyone who is just basically just a social media show off.

• I try to smile. Be kind. But not a doormat. I’ll help anyone once, but if it’s not appreciated I will realise I’m being taken advantage of quickly

I had an emotionally difficult upbringing but no deprivation in other ways. I was very self conscious and lacked confidence in my teens and early 20s (narcissistic mother as I have learnt from MNet). I don't necessarily think it taught me resellience, I think that comes from within but it taught me to become self contained and non reliant on others. I didn't take shit to work or let people know my business. As I became more independent, my confidence in myself grew.

I am not the life and soul of the party and I know what I like and what I don't and where I draw the line.

I have always been happy with my lot and able to pick myself up after a disappointment.

I’m generally quite a cheery positive person. In the shittiest and darkest of times I know that it’ll eventually pass, and have so much in my life to be grateful for.

I have anxiety, pnd, ocd, and bouts of depression, and take the highest dose of anti depressants that I’m allowed (currently, I’ll reduce down when I’m able). I’m trying to be more open about my MH issues rather than deeply ashamed as I have been for the last decade. Quiet time and taking joy in little things helps me to stay positive.

Some brilliant things said on here. Loving watching this unfold!

Ds2 is like this.
I've met a few women that are.
I am not. I struggle to be grateful and I struggle to find pleasure in the little things. This thread is interesting.

I am extremely resilient and have a very focussed mind. I'm genuinely thankful that in my just over 40 years of life, I've had relatively few worries.

Personally I have good health and 2 lovely children (DD3 has SEN, however her difficulties could be much worse than they are). Even though I'm about to split from my DP, I can recognise the good bits of the relationship and feel happy I experienced them, I don't dwell on negative events at all, allowing myself to accept them for what they are, then moving on quickly is what helps me.

I also live in a decent house, have a brilliant job that I love which pays well, my parents are in good health and support us with childcare on top of nursery, so I really couldn't ask for more in life.

I'm on FB, Twitter, LinkedIn and WhatsApp as social media and I feel pleased when people I know share good news, as I've never been a jealous or envious person. I focus on my own goals, and what I want to achieve in life.

I honestly think you can learn the skills, and that's useful, but I was born a silver liner. I can't shake it. I do worry about things and feel down from time to time but I can also always see that it's temporary.

I'm like this! I wasn't always. Been through a lot of tough times. and have had a lot of therapy. Have built resilience over the years, and now I don't sweat the small stuff any more. Feel grateful for every day

The ones I know range from being a little bit thick to just never reading the news.

I've had some tough times. I tend to get bolshy. I think 'Why shouldn't I enjoy myself? Why shouldn't I think positive thoughts? Why shouldn't I be hopeful?' So I do and don't let anyone tell me any different! I find it can be quite disarming too which is an added bonus!

Like some previous posters say, you can be positive, content and upbeat and it’s not a front. I generally am. It wasn’t always like this. I went through a period of suicidal depression and I was so lucky to get excellent care which changed the direction of my life. I’ve also had a younger sibling who had an awful illness and awful death so I know life is short and you have to make the best of it. I assume people are basically good and I’m not proved wrong very often.

I agree with @Rystall that being positive is a choice and my life is so much easier, and better for those around me, because I’ve made that choice.

Everyday I think about all the things I am grateful for. How lucky I am. How fortunate I am.

I count my blessings - privately.
I find joy in the little things (a well folded top, a perfect cup of tea, a cuddle)
I don't worry about the big stuff (too much). If it won't matter in 6-months I try not to let it matter now.
I watch a little Star Trek!
I don't compare myself with others.

I had a fairly horrible start (early death of Mum, alcoholic stepmum, poverty and housing insecurity) but I'm doing ok now

Military training gave me resilience.

Friends bring me joy. Family bring me joy. My cats bring me joy (and too many prizes)

I am one of these people actually, or people would likely class me as one of those people.

I have a lot of anxiety and something clicked one day when I read something that said 'being positive is a choice'. I realised no matter how sad or anxious I felt, what was in my power was that I could be positive.

Somebody mentioned Pollyanna- I read a few books when I was young that influenced me. I was a depressed and stressed teen, didn't fit in, bullied. It's not that I'm always happy, at all, but I choose what to focus on and think about.

The books that influenced me, Pollyanna, Mr God this is Anna, Anne of Green Gables. There were others, but those are what I remember.

And my mum uses Pollyanna as an insult!

I fake it and have to work hard to keep it up. DM is very negative and its made me determined to not be the same.

I am one of those people 90% of the time. My husband committed suicide age 29, 14 years ago. I was left with 3 small children. I made myself a promise to keep myself happy in order for my children to learn positivity and have a happy life. If I find myself in a situation where I am unhappy, I leave and move on. I make changes to my life to stay happy. I believe that we attract what we are. If you are happy with your life, you attract like minded people. If you see negativity everywhere and feel negative you will continue to be surrounded by negativity. Basically if it makes you feel miserable get rid.......whatever that may be

I’ve experienced a great deal of loss - mainly of young healthy friends - and I’m an atheist so I know this is our one chance.

It gives me a perspective on life that’s all about not sweating the small stuff and always trying to focus on the positive. Not always easy but I’m not one that tends to wallow - pick myself up, dust myself down and crack on.

I’m usually very happy, a lot of my friends an colleagues have commented through my life, my lovely son has at times banned the words “on the bright side” from chats about his life.

I’ve often wondered if I’ve got the opposite to depression. I find it quite hard to feel sad and down. I guess I find a lot of things funny and count my blessings.

I do get physical anxiety symptoms sometime though, without feeling sad or down so no crying when I get home. And I much prefer to be single and find uncomfortable the idea of having a boyfriend or partner - maybe that’s the secret! 😃

Interesting idea though OP n fascinating to read everyone’s ideas. Thought I’d add mine as I do wonder sometimes if mines just like a mental health condition! 😂

My parents are a bit like this. Both optimistic, cheerful, silver-lining and tinkly bells on everything.

They are not materialistic, both have a lifelong faith in the happy-clappier end of Christianity, have large family that they are close to, and basically live to serve. They both have fulfilling careers and hobbies serving the community.

I feel exhausted thinking about their lives, but they are examples of getting genuine pleasure from life through giving to others, being generous with their time and talents, and just being truly open to others. I'd love to be more like them.

I married someone from a polar opposite kind of family and at times that has caused tension...

@OnceUponAMidnightBeery

See me in work and you’d think I’m like that. It’s an act.

The anxious, depressive, hoarding wreck stays at home.

Watching for tips!

This is me too except the hoarding - I tend to swing the other way and clean obsessively!

I don't know if I'm ''upbeat'' but I have definitely silenced my critical inner voice and quietened my anxieties. My base line is quite calm now. I cared so much what other people thought of me that I was always anxious overthinking things and giving myself a hard time. I realised that I felt a lot of shame. Worked my way through that. Read a few books about shame resilience, emotional resilience, the six pillars of self-esteem, books about values, books about bravery. I also enjoy listening to a lot of psychology podcasts and if it doesn't sound unbearable, just being keen to have a growth mindset and always be working on myself.

There are books about contentment that I like. Catherine Gray's The Extraordinary joy of the ordinary is a nice listen on audible.

I'm just dying inside but dont want to burden people outwardly

Lost a lot of close family members young. Lost my child at 6 months pregnant. Had an utterly shit, shit, unhappy childhood. I have simple love, and no drama, and no complexities, and my children and us have currently good health and were doing ok, and that makes me feel content. Life is simple but honest and good and stable.