Decompression time after the kids go to bed

[MumbleJunction]

After I get DC2 and DC6 to bed, I need decompression time, just to calm down from all their hectic kid energy.

Trouble is, I'm just sticking my face into the Internet or watching trash on TV. By the time I feel rested it's 10pm and I'm doing the chores ready for bed at 10:30 (yes I am that exciting ).

Anybody got tips for decompressing a bit more quickly? It would be so great to just enjoy evenings a bit more.

Wine 🍷

Me and dh stick on a 15 minute timer as soon as the kids are asleep and get as much done as we can in that time

OMG. I didn't know I needed this question, but I do!

Ooh I'm like that. I need a minimum of 4 hours between DC bedtime and mine, otherwise I feel robbed of my own free time

Does it take you ages to get them to sleep? I find I need less time on the nights DC2 is easier to get to sleep.

We do the chores after dinner but before DC bedtime so when they are asleep we can watch tv.
(DS1 and I tidy the living room and DH washes up).

Haha wine! Yes, definitely. BertieBotts it's far worse after a nightmare bedtime. Just hate that frazzled, cba "don't even want to be talked to" feeling, which seems to last at least an hour.

I guess I also feel like I should be doing worthy hobbies in the evening or something

Currently cannot be arsed doing the decluttering and massive amount of DIY that I should be doing.

OMG. I didn't know I needed this question, but I do!

And I. My kids are 11 and 8 they go to bed without a fuss!

I need this too

I've given up on alcohol after 8pm. Once the kids are in bed, I aim to do yoga and writing, plus one TV programme (usually with crochet on the go). However, it's whatever relaxes you. I love going for a walk in the woods, in the summer. :-)

Yes, agree with PP. We do the tidy up before 1yo goes to bed. That way, once hes in bed I can sit down and relax in a tidy house. My mind would be racing if I was sitting there knowing I had to do housework before going to bed.

My kids are 15 and 12, decompression time, what's that?

I go to bed before the 15 year old

Yes I agree good question.

I also do dishes tidy up etc before kids bedtime then after they're asleep evening is yours. (Trick seems to be to empty dishwasher before serving food so the clear up is quicker) Got a roomba earlier this year and he's now a great friend! Whizzes around clearing up the crap while we get them ready - makes you good at picking up the toys regularly as the clean serene downstairs is lovely when you get back down. Similarly I do mindless crap such as Mumsnet or telly and would love to do something more worthwhile.
I find if I light a candle / the fire/ burn some essential oils it feels more sort of nurturing and like I'm doing something positive for me. Also I have a special glass teapot and it feels like a treat to make some sort of herbal brew in that. Lots of these are very relaxing.

Re hobbies etc I'm waiting til littlest is a bit older and I'm not up all night and therefore beyond knackered all the time. Giving myself a break for now. Mine are same age as yours. I'll learn to crochet eventually!
Rock n roll hmm but there's not a great deal going on in the world right now anyway!
Glass of wine while they watch telly and I do the cooking at 4.30 helps on the more mental days . It feel totally far too early for acceptable social norms but it's not every day and if I have another it's with dinner so I'm all done with booze pre 6pm! (But then bed is 9.30 and I'm awake at 5.30 not by choice I should add so my timings don't fit at all with rest of adult world)

Mumble junction yes totally understand bathe 'dont talk to me' feeling,really puts dh back up that I've got nothing left for him by then.

IMO decluttering and DIY count as work therefore should be in the daytime if at all possible no way I've got the energy come the evening. And need to be scheduled with oh do one person looks after kids while the other has a productive hour or so

This is why covid has been horrendous for us. We work full time and both DH and my workloads have increased hugely as a result of covid and childcare has reduced, so we get them to bed and straight back downstairs on our laptops for as long as we can work (I'm forcing myself to have 3 days off this week). I need some decompressing!

Setting is 15 minute timer to do catch up is a great idea @Heartofstrings!

Usually we don’t have our tea until the kids go down so it’s dinner time together and we will chat about our day or have a rant to each other if we need it or watch a series or film. We have done jigsaws and played chess or the PlayStation before now too.

He’s been working late the past few nights so I have spent a good half an hour tidying up, then having a shower and do something for me like paint my nails or have a glass of wine in bed. Last night I had a bath for the first time in ages. I find getting in to bed as early as possible (even if it’s just to chill) helps loads with feeling frazzled at the end of the day, it gives me a boost the next morning.

@Bellesavage that sounds horrendous!

Ooof I feel for you BelleSavage lockdown nearly broke us. Hope you get some well earned rest soon!

Love the board games idea TheMadCatParade.

Glad I'm not alone with the "don't talk to me thing"

Rachael my littlest doesn't sleep through either cheers to early bedtime rock n rollers!

DH always wants a cuddle after we’ve got DS to bed but I just do not want to be touched at all for a bit. It’s not so bad now he’s five but when he was tiny, I just couldn’t bear it.

I like this thread. Have v little to add really other than definitely push myself to tidy before bedtime, I hate having to clean in evening and generally once I have sat down there is feck all else getting done.

For me I feel that early nights and good sleep are the key to it all. When I feel well rested, I eat better, exercise more and generally have energy more wholesome evenings. This is not most of the time! Similarly it’s all connected to a build up of stress - like the mention of frazzled bedtimes - the more frustrated I have felt with kids during day, more likely I’ll have a longer decompression time need.

We've fallen into a routine the last few weeks which really helps with this. Toddler gets half an hour of TV after her tea - we both tidy up her toys before that goes on then whilst she's watching and baby is kicking around on her playmat I whizz around getting downstairs 'straight' for 20 mins before we all have a quick cuddle on the sofa. DH usually finished work for bedtime then we divide and conquer and meet back downstairs just after 7 if all goes well. Now here's the trick - we then either do a 20 mins Joe Wicks workout together or he goes for a run and I do a quick spin class. I hate to be that person that suggest exercise but it really does help to decompress and energise, and compartmentalise between work (him) and parenting (me) and our evenings together. On days we manage this we can then sit down at 8ish for food if I've not eaten with toddler and have a few chilled hours TV/internet slobbing before bed.

It all depends how hellish DD’s bedtime is. On a non-hellish night, DD has her food and a bit of iPad and then one of us takes her upstairs for a bath while the other tidies up. We then swap over and the tidier does bedtime stories while the other gets adult supper on the go. Then we both collapse on the sofa with a (single, shared) beer and chat/rant/stare into the middle distance.
We go through phases of either watching telly or reading after supper. I’d love to find a way of wringing more fun out of those 3 short hours but we’re just so tired.

What about reading? Or listen to an interesting podcast? Or a long soak in the bath/give yourself a facial or something like that?

Fwiw, I work after bedtime until about 10-11pm every night, except the weekends, and then go straight to bed, so watching crap tv sounds pretty relaxing to me actually.

Either play piano (me) or go for a run (dp) or read (both of us). Or on weekends watch a box set/film.

Exercise or hobby is a good plan, at least on some nights. (I run in the morning but might sometimes do 20 mins pilates in the evening if I can be bothered).
Something absorbing, ideally not involving a screen.