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Mil texts me when someone's birthday is approaching

60 replies

DaanSaaf · 26/10/2020 20:24

My mil is lovely and we get on brilliantly. This one thing irks me though, she will always message me around a week before someone in the family's birthday.
'Hi, John's birthday on 29th'.
Dh doesn't get a text, only me. Does anyone else's lovely mil live in the 50's?

OP posts:
Justajot · 26/10/2020 20:27

Just message her back suggesting she let your DH know.

Though I've had no success with my local residents association. They seem to think DH is the head of the household and no amount of telling them that he isn't responsible for that part of our life seems to get through.

AnnaMagnani · 26/10/2020 20:31

Mine did although thankfully she doesn't know how to text.

She even bought me a diary - as a Christmas present! - that I could put all her family's birthdays in so I wouldn't forget.

Because I was forgetting as I didn't see it as my job.

In the end a twofold approach worked - I got DH to do it. Mainly effectively, he's often late. And I got my Mum to tell her it wasn't my job. She could tell me what to do but not another woman of her own age Grin

goisey · 26/10/2020 20:31

I couldn't be bothered to get annoyed, I would just forward it in to my dh and tell her that.
Eg: Thanks, I've forwarded to DH as he's in charge of cards/gifts.

Just copy and paste each time.
A 3 second task.

DaanSaaf · 26/10/2020 20:31

I just reply with yes, I know Smile
It's probably because since I told dh that he was responsible for his own families birthdays (many years ago) they tend to get an amazon voucher via email rather than a card. Not my problem though!

That is annoying, but depressingly not surprising.

OP posts:
melisande99 · 26/10/2020 20:32

Oh, that would drive me mad. My MIL does this direct to my husband, which is still annoying as I didn't marry a child. If she did it to me, I'd reply "thanks, it's on my phone calendar already as an annual reminder". Assuming it's someone whose birthday I would actually mark.

PurpleMustang · 26/10/2020 20:32

Do you reply? Has she been doing this for years and years or a recent thing? If you know them anyway, I'd just say thanks but no need have them all written down ready for DH to deal with. Or if recent I'd say, can you send DH a list for the year and he will deal with it from there. And then just not reply to anymore, she will give up sending if no response given

LassoOfTruth · 26/10/2020 20:33

Yep! My MiL is also lovely but does this. It’s annoying since:
1: I know, I don’t need reminding
2: her text is always sent like the day before, so if we had forgotten it’d be too late to get/wrap/post anything
3: last time I checked, DH is an adult. He’s capable of remembering his own family birthdays and
4: if he doesn’t, next time please text him directly MiL! Grin

DaanSaaf · 26/10/2020 20:33

Last sentence was for Justajot, slow typer

OP posts:
DaanSaaf · 26/10/2020 20:35

Oh she knows I know the dates, I have a fancy perpetual calendar that she admired so mich I bought her the same! It will be a subtle no birthday card dig but she can direct them to her son

OP posts:
shouldhavethoughtthisthrough · 26/10/2020 20:39

My mil does this but what really really annoys me is that I've been part of the family for the longest and my birthday is 2 days before my husbands and yet it's always mine that is forgotten!

PrayingandHoping · 26/10/2020 20:39

Yes! Drives me nuts too!

My reply.... yes.... I have them all written on a calendar

Apart from wedding anniversaries...
Which I ignore. Sorry. I don't do sending wedding anniversary cards.

MiddleClassMother · 26/10/2020 20:40

Not my MIL, she is terrible and doesn't text, only call. But my DM will inform me of anyone we know birthdays coming up, Normally the day before, most of them get a text, a bottle of wine and some flowers if they're lucky. Some I haven't seen/spoken to in years!

OchonAgusOchonO · 26/10/2020 20:44


My mil does this but what really really annoys me is that I've been part of the family for the longest and my birthday is 2 days before my husbands and yet it's always mine that is forgotten!

Maybe send her a reminder of your next birthday? She obviously thinks reminding people is ok.

Mil doesn't do it to me but as they have never acknowledged my birthday, it would be a bit rich to expect me to manage theirs.
Dimpous · 26/10/2020 20:47

My MIL has been known to send cards from us, not adding names to her card but sending separately cards with slightly changed handwriting and occasionally gifts to people we wouldn't usually buy for!
One year I found out she had sent out some Christmas cards on our behalf, in November so I sent out my own to them too (I don't really do cards!) she didn't do it again after some confused phone calls. Grin

RevolutionRadio · 26/10/2020 20:50

I'd either not reply or I'd text back every time and say I'll let DH know.

Shizzlestix · 26/10/2020 20:51

Id text back every time saying ‘As you know, DH deals with his family’s birthdays’. This would drive me nuts.

TheNextChapter · 26/10/2020 20:51

My bloody DM does this to me. I'm nearly 40 yet she texts me twice a year to remind me of god parents birthdays. They are like my grandparents and I've never once forgotten (regardless of her reminding me). Irrationally pisses me off. I just dont reply.

MoonSauce · 26/10/2020 20:54

I get asked to micromanage my partner. Like, hey lady, I have adhd and my executive dysfunction says no anyway, despite things not being my job.

waltzingparrot · 26/10/2020 20:56

I'd be tempted to start sending her a reminder of her own family's birthdays two weeks prior so you pip her at the post Grin

Sunnydaysstillhere · 26/10/2020 20:57

My mil never got her hands on my mobile number..

ShatnersBaboon · 26/10/2020 20:58

My dad does this for his wife's birthday, and it really bugs me. I know her birthday, I don't need prodding into action, she's lovely enough to not care if I did forget one year I'm sure, and she'd be embarrassed if she knew my dad was being a bit of a pain. I don't reply to the reminder any more - I like to let him sweat a bit Halloween Grin

NerrSnerr · 26/10/2020 21:13

My MIL does this too even though my husband has always dealt with his side of the family. A couple of years ago we all went to a family wedding. My husband and I were in our 30s, married with 2 children. When we got there my MIL took me aside and said that she has put a card and present on the table from us as she knew we'd probably not know the etiquette (even though we'd been to at least one wedding a year in most of our 20s and early 30s).

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 26/10/2020 21:16

My fil used to do that and then guilt trip me when I didn’t send them. And then dh would give me the sad face. I did the same to him for my family once-he got the message.

Skyliner001 · 26/10/2020 21:16

I'd love this, who needs a diary!

WhySoSensitive · 26/10/2020 21:17

Many years ago we didn’t get MIL a birthday gift as she was out of the country (2 weeks prior 3 weeks after) but sent her a card for her arrival home. It caused THE biggest argument because she only got a card and no gift and ever since for anyone’s birthday we get a message such as ‘don’t forget it’s X’s birthday, like you forget mine’

I know when everyone’s birthday is. I don’t need reminded because then it makes it look like we’ve forgot. I usually reply with ‘already sorted and posted thanks’ (because I usually have!)

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