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Original poster

Mil texts me when someone's birthday is approaching

60 replies

DaanSaaf · 26/10/2020 20:24

My mil is lovely and we get on brilliantly. This one thing irks me though, she will always message me around a week before someone in the family's birthday.
'Hi, John's birthday on 29th'.
Dh doesn't get a text, only me. Does anyone else's lovely mil live in the 50's?

OP posts:

PeaceAndHarmoneeee · 27/10/2020 07:33

Agh my MIL does this and more- anything related to 'wife work' aka domestic shit work and she contacts me not DP.

No amount of redirecting her to DP or DP explaining he does the wife work too has stopped her yet!

middleager · 27/10/2020 07:43

Last year, at the tender aged of 46, I finally told DH he'd have to sort out his family's Christmas cards and gifts.

I was angry at myself for having slipped into the pattern for 14 years. There had been flashpoints over the years, but I'd always done it.

It still irks me as DH is usually a day or so late for family birthdays and I'm itching to remind him earlier, but don't. He makes a fuss of it, mentioning the birthdays and somehow implanting it in my mind, which is unfair as I deal with far more birthdays than he does.
He also asks me if I have a spare card he can use as he knows I have a small supply.
He still finds a way of involving me, yet couldn't tell you when my family's birthdays are. If this were flipped, he'd be confused if I started talking about thrir birthdays and asking for spare cards.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 27/10/2020 07:44

My dh’s all-boy family have never bothered at all with cards or presents for birthdays or Christmas. (My lovely MiL did but she’s long gone.). I suppose it’s had its advantages but I’ve always thought they just couldn’t be arsed.
I did send a card to eldest BiL for a Very Big birthday - it was the only one he had - even my SiL didn’t bother!

NotMeNoNo · 27/10/2020 14:33

@BarbaraofSeville to be fair there were only a few reminders. They are just really kind, organised people who take birthdays seriously, and must have thought lack of clarity on dates (rather than all the other chaos in our lives) was the reason for my/our poor performance. DH and I do collaborate on the forgetting.

Shinyletsbebadguys · 27/10/2020 14:42

It's one of the few things I did right with exdh , exmil texted me the first year we were married with a list of suggested presents for a family member and to make it a nice card not a crap one. I simply replied asking her why in earth she was texting me and exdh would do it (actually he didn't and I would do it but that wasn't known amongst the family because I didn't want to be expected to do it , I would do it if I had the time and space as exdh worked long hours but if I couldn't then tough bananas). She wasn't happy but she is not an easy woman.

Apparently her lovely but sadly shortly after this incident deceased mother , laughed loudly when it came out that I had replied in this manner , and said "Good for her , I like her spirit {exdh} is an adult , she's right he should do it " loved that woman.

nibdedibble · 27/10/2020 14:46

Yes, my MIL does this. Dh is useless, she probably defaults to me because of that.

I always reply ‘have forwarded to dh’, as someone said it is annoying that she doesn’t realise but it takes 3 seconds

kezziethecat · 27/10/2020 14:46

My mil does this too. I find it so annoying as dh has a huge family and I find it overwhelming being responsible for all the birthdays in my family and also his but if the present is late or forgotten it's now my fault...

OchonAgusOchonO · 27/10/2020 20:13

@kezziethecat

You need to stop accepting blame if the present doesn't get sorted. And you also need to pass the buck to your dh. Tell him he's in charge of his family and then if your mil texts you a reminder, pass it on to your dh and tell her you have done that and to remind him in future as he is in charge of presents for his family.

hesaidshesaidwhat · 27/10/2020 20:34

I wonder how old all these MILs are? I find it sad that these women still think it is their son's wife responsibility. How sad that these men have so little thought for the members of their own family that they can't even remember to send a card. Presumably they don't care about their own birthdays/christmas either.....

AnneBoleynsHead · 28/10/2020 20:55

AnneBoleynsHead

And???
Don't you work as a team?

My initial reaction was to fire off a sarky reply, but I made myself stop & think about it. I do this for my DH & am happy to do so, but you're right. No reason why all marriages should be the same.
I am trying not to turn into a grumpy old woman, honest!

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