Mil texts me when someone's birthday is approaching

[DaanSaaf]

My mil is lovely and we get on brilliantly. This one thing irks me though, she will always message me around a week before someone in the family's birthday.
'Hi, John's birthday on 29th'.
Dh doesn't get a text, only me. Does anyone else's lovely mil live in the 50's?

I’d reply with yes I know, probably best you let dh know as I don’t deal with his side of the family. And just repeat every time she does it.

Are you me OP

Also really irritates me as usually I've already bought, written and deliverd the card/gift/whatever!!

@Dimpous
Mine does that too! We enjoy reading the thank you cards from her friends & discovering what gifts we've "bought". DH told her to stop it but she says she can't because her friends send her presents on behalf of their adult DCs.
Why are they keeping up this pretence?!

My MIL writes us a calendar every year and puts the birthdays on it. My H always forgets but I know for the fact I am the one that will get the blame for it! It used to proper piss me off but I'm not bothered now.

@Justajot

Just message her back suggesting she let your DH know.

Though I've had no success with my local residents association. They seem to think DH is the head of the household and no amount of telling them that he isn't responsible for that part of our life seems to get through.

I have the same issue here. Whenever we need to report a repair to our housing association no matter what it is when they come out they ignore me and talk to DH. Its bizarre as I am the more practically minded and do most of the DIY stuff. But you know i am a woman and as such wouldn't know a screwdriver from a set of pliers. Much better I stick to sweeping floors and making casseroles!

Mine once called to berate me because FIL hadn't received a father's Day card.
I actually laughed down the phone.

I always forget birthdays so I would be grateful lol. But I take your point. Just say next time can she text your dh as they're his responsibility

My partner thought I'd be dealing with his families birthdays and other nonsense because his mum does...I laughed and said 'why, have your hands fallen off, I'm not your fucking PA'

I couldn't even tell you when his parent's birthdays are...and care even less.

Mine definitely does. She looks to me to do all the organising for birthdays and family events – never calls my OH, just messages me. It's irritating sometimes, but I try not to let it bother me. Compared to some of the horror stories I read on MN, my MIL is lovely and I'm lucky we get on.

Go back to her saying ‘yes that’s right!’

And???
Don't you work as a team?

Next time respond the next day/3days later and so something like - I’ve been busy/under the weather/stressed/you choose, didn’t notice your text, better if you text your son next time, cheerio.

Ahhh, I hope this isn’t a mean thread, some older folk are set in their ways and it’s not their fault they was born into a shit generation of ‘yes women’. They probably think they are being kind and helpful.

I couldn’t get annoyed at that, feel a little sorry for them, but not annoyed.

My DPs mother used to work as a book-keeper. I am discalcular. I also hold down a professional job working very long hours and was a single mother with young children when I met her son.

When he moved to this area to be with me - and moved into MY house - she phoned me to say, You'll need to do his books for him now, because he won't be able to do them himself, and I've had enough.

I was very WTF? He runs his own business. He'll need to either learn to do the wages/books or pay someone else. Why the fuck would you think I'd do that for him when I work full time, have kids to look after and run my own life?

I think she was a bit taken aback. (I never have done his book keeping, btw. I would not know where to start - but hey, it's not my business)

Ha, my MIL does this, texting me (not usually DH) to say it's SIL's birthday or whatever as if it's my job to keep on top of it. I've made a conscious decision that this is DH's job to keep on top of and not mine though!

MiL does this to me too - I wouldn't care but thanks to prodding from me DH has never missed a family birthday day in the 20 years we have been together. No idea if SiL is given the same treatment but but Bil/SiL either forgot or are very late with DS's birthday every year.

DH and I have been together 40 years. So probably older than most on this thread.
I never took on the role of card sender though I did eventually do the Christmas gifts for his family. His parents died beore we had children.
The upshot was that none of his family ever got cards or presents. I guess SIL had the same view as neither I nor my DC (now grown up) ever got a birthday card or present from his side of the family.

In hindsight I wish I'd done it. The children don't understand why uncle jim / aunty jill never send them a card.

Ooh my DM does this to me but I’m quite grateful as I’m disorganised and would forget!

I handed DH’s family over to him. And told them he’s in charge of their birthdays. MIL doesn’t remind him but passively aggressively gets annoyed with both of us when he forgets 🙄. I refuse to remind him, he has to take responsibility.

Split up with exDH ten years ago but still friendly with his mum. Always ring her on her birthday and get the same question "didn't you remind him? I never got a card!"

My kids are late 20s/early 30s and their father reminds them when it's their sibling's birthday, as well as his siblings' and stepmother's birthdays! Evidently he doesn't remind anyone when it's my birthday, though he does always text a greeting.

The PILs got us (me) for Christmas, early in our marriage , a little year book completed with all the births marriages and deaths of DH side of the family. So no more excuses. They have had to follow up with phone calls when I inexcusably forgot a neice or nephew. Every so often they do these kind things with an underlying message.

@AnneBoleynsHead

And??? Don't you work as a team?

Maybe in the OPs team, teamwork doesn't involve the OP doing all her DHs admin for him?

Sounds like your MIL needs a copy of Wirework for Christmas OP.

@NotMeNoNo

The PILs got us (me) for Christmas, early in our marriage , a little year book completed with all the births marriages and deaths of DH side of the family. So no more excuses. They have had to follow up with phone calls when I inexcusably forgot a neice or nephew. Every so often they do these kind things with an underlying message.

Seriously?

Did your marriage vows include the words 'I promise to love and cherish him, share all I have with him and take over the job of sending all his family's birthday cards for him so long as I live'?

Maybe a week before your your DHs/ DCs birthdays you could send her a text reminding her.

When I met DH I was very clear I wouldn't 'do' his side of the family's cards/gifts etc. I'd ended up doing it with my ex and found Christmas particularly so stressful whilst he would helpfully ask questions like "so what did you get my sister this year?".

DH said that's fine, I don't expect you to do it, don't worry about it. Which invariably means his family get cards late and very rarely get presents at all. I don't think SMIL is very impressed with me, even though I've made it clear its not my job, I get the very strong impression from her that I'm supposed to do it.