Trapped Toddler Parents of Winter 2020/21 Support Thread - Puddlesuits at the ready!

[ReallySpicyCurry]

Are you the parent of a small child who doesn't yet sit still for more than five minutes? Do local lockdowns mean there are no baby and toddler groups for miles? Are you sick of walking the same three routes every day since March? Then come and join our support thread! I have started this after some of us had a good moan on a thread in AIBU ("To be worried about staying sane stuck inside all winter with a 2 year old?") because I thought it might be nice to share ideas/activities/general moans and concerns, over what is probably going to be a tricky winter for those of us with babies and toddlers.

Don't forget the answer to all your prayers though... The ever reliable puddlesuit. Puddlesuits are absolutely mandatory this year, and you are expected to wrestle your child into one and make them jump in puddles daily. If your child goes blue with cold, administer a swift dose of hot chocolate and hope your local Amazon delivery driver gets move on with your latest order of kinetic sand/playdough/ball pit/stickers. Failing all else, Peppa Pig is omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent, in October as in March.

@footprintsintheslow it's working really well! I could have given Mr Sun a big sloppy kiss this morning. She. Slept. Through. For the first time in her life. DH and I did not sleep, because we kept waking up panicking because we hadn't heard her, then staring at the monitor to make sure she really was asleep and not trying to climb out the window or something. We're on a 6.15 wake up and she was calling for us the minute that sun appeared - we could see her sitting up in bed at 6.12 but she didn't peep until 6.15 on the dot.

We enlisted the teen (toddler's favourite person) to congratulate DD2, big up the Magic Clock, and talk about how she wished she had a Mr Sun clock too (maybe for Christmas eh, cheaper than another pair of Docs)

I'm so impressed. It's only day 3 and could go tits up at any moment but the success has already been beyond my wildest dreams

@ReallySpicyCurry that's fantastic news and I'm so thrilled ☀️. Do you read the crappy book that comes with it too?

Ouch. I remember it well, @PolarBearStrength! If it helps, DD has watched videos on my phone for about an hour and a half this morning so I could sleep after her and her brother kept alternating getting me up last night. I feel simultaneously better and like a rubbish mum.

@PolarBearStrength Palm DS off on someone else and come round mine, we can be miserable whales and drink tea and eat carbs together!
We’ve been doing sitting down activities, we playdough quite a lot, cup of tea in my travel mug so it stays warm so I don’t have to get up again. We mix it up by adding in dinosaurs/trains/people figures, we make hedgehogs with some spaghetti stabbed in.
I closed the curtains yesterday and put Minions on the telly, he fucking loves Minions, sat him with his minions toy from a bloody happy meal (cracking parenting here!) and we curled up on the sofa, he stayed silent for 1.5hrs and I snoozed. Heaven.

I went to the playground with a friend yesterday. Her 2 year old DS and mine played together jumping in puddles and me pushing them simultaneously on the swing (one push for one swing, one for the other swing) while she had to breastfeed her 2 month old DD in the sleeting rain under a tree sitting on the damp ground. I offered to leave, but she said her DS was driving her crazy being inside alone. The no meeting indoors rule is so tough for new mums who just want company and help with older DC in a warm and private space .

I'm loving this thread, I've got 3year old DS and a 1 year old DD so I'm either side of the toddler bit but I struggle with the rainy days to.

DS is currently smudging all of his brand new playdough into a sad brown colour while I'm stealth eating snacks in the kitchen. DD woke up at 4 so is already an hour into her nap.

The no meeting indoors is going to be really tough over the winter. Luckily were tier 1 but our cases are rising

@PolarBearStrength you poor sod. It's so crap. And @MessAllOver your poor friend. This is why I was so furious at some of the posters on the other thread who were all "Puddlesuits and suck it up, snowflake princess".
My family are quite close knit and long lived, so I had herds of grandmothers, great grandmothers, and great aunts all through childhood and beyond. They had a clutch of children each, and faced a string of difficulties that luckily I can't imagine- poverty, illness, bereavement, conflict, abusive marriages - but I can guarantee you one thing they didn't do was sit outside on the ground feeding a baby in the pissing rain of October because there was nowhere else to go, because there was always a cup of tea going at someone's house. And that's what gets you through, isn't it?

It really annoys me the way some women, who have had their children, tend to pull the ladder up behind them a bit, and then accuse newer parents of being soft and entitled. You just know that those hoiking their bosoms over our penchant for church play groups and baby sensory classes would scream and stamp their feet if those things had been taken away when they needed them

Very well said @ReallySpicyCurry.

Bad day today. Its DH's last day of pat leave and baby is really unsettled. I'm very worried she has reflux. DH has taken our toddler out and I cried the moment they left

I feel like come Monday both children will suffer.

Unfortunately I don't have any mum friends to meet up at the park with. I'd just starting making friends at the stay and play at local church but then we went into lockdown and I've no way of contacting them.
There's a couple mums at the children's centre I've attempted to meet with but they are always working.
I haven't seen my mum for ages and she was saying this morning on the phone that I have no support and it must be hard (DH working away). It was nice of her to recognise but at the same time i didn't need reminding.

Anyway, massive breakthrough this week........I got my son into wellies!!!!! Seriously I know it sounds like something tiny but it's a major achievement. We are currently on the ASD pathway awaiting diagnosis and clothing/footwear is something he really struggles with. He wouldn't splash in puddles but it's something we can work up to.

@PinkDaydreams can you start a fave group group for new mums in your area. Someone has done that in our area and it was incredibly brave of her but it's really taken off and they meet for walks in the castle etc.

@ReallySpicyCurry very well said!

I'm not on social media unfortunately (personal reasons I can't really go into). I might actually contact the children's centre and see if they want to set up a zoom chat thing, we were doing them as part of a course hat we were completing. It was nice to see everyone each week even though it was only on a screen.

I'll stop moaning now! Not much planned today as it's raining, we've played tea party, trains and in the tent. Got to go food shopping later so he will help unpack :)

@footprintsintheslow I messaged a friend and we’re going to hers for lunch tomorrow! Thank goodness! She’s got an older child who will happily entertain DS for a couple of hours (no siblings of his own so it’s a novelty) and I can just sit on her sofa and whinge. Gone for the easy option today, trashing the front room, staying in pjs, will hand over to DH when he gets home early afternoon and take myself out for a long, cathartic walk/run.

@BigBigPumpkin don’t feel like a rubbish mum! We’re doing ALLLL the screen time today. We don’t have a TV and I’m just ordering one for when baby is born!! At least if I can shove come dine with me on whilst stuck under a newborn and having to play endless tedious dinosaur games with DS I might not jump out of a window.

@MonkeyPuddle That sounds great! I need to order some play dough. We live in a really small house and I’m not massively good at mess (actually, that’s not true, I just hate tidying up!) It makes me a bit anxious. Just need to tough it out and put a tablecloth down I think.

@ReallySpicyCurry I love a muddy walk but there’s only so many times I can walk around the nature reserve! Plus there is always a risk that DS will decide he’s given up and I’ll have to reason with/carry a screaming two year old back to the car! Fine normally but not in my current state! I’d honestly kill just to sit in a village hall with a cuppa and some shit, unsanitary toys strewn about the the floor. I’m even considering going to ‘muddy church’ on Sunday despite being in no way religiously inclined just for some adult/parent contact.

Can I ask if those of you who do have baby groups etc open nearby are going to them? There are some limited, bookable indoor activities near us, but while I feel like I could chew someone’s arm off for a morning at stay and play, it does feel like a very Covid-y thing to do. We’re in London, in a high Covid area.

@ReallySpicyCurry Thanks, they are great. I texted DBro to see if he wants to go halfsies on a shed for them for Christmas as they deserve something really nice this year.
Also, excellent post, I completely agree - my nonna often says she thinks things were easier for mums in her day as there was always a friend/sister/sister in law about for a cup of tea or to mind the kids for a bit.

@PolarBearStrength am very jealous of muddy church! We were regular church goers before lockdown and I miss it, DS1 really liked it as there was a kids litrugy (colouring in and a story) followed by running around the church hall with 'big children' and jammy dodgers biscuits. DH goes by himself now as there's no singing/kids stuff and it'd be torture keeping both DC quiet.

@BigBigPumpkin Don't feel bad, we are all doing it! DS2 gets so excited for the Heidi theme tune - he's only 9m

We managed a short walk and saw some very cute dogs then came home and ate a mountain of gnocchi (to balance out the exercise )

@Rainallnight I haven’t but only because it’s only the really expensive stuff that is running! And I’m not overjoyed at the thought of sitting in a mask for an hour or more at the moment.

@rainallnight yes we are going about once a fortnight on wet days. All very socially distanced and quiet. We are tier 2.

We're in self isolation pending test results so no walks muddy or otherwise for now.

Car Wash yesterday wasn't very successful! Think ds dirtied his nappy as we were in the queue and he hates that so he grumbled all the way through and home. Better luck next time.

Sudden craft interest here in cutting out pictures. Will be making the most of this one!

Ps to the tv watcher, my ds won't watch t.v., he's not interested. Make the most of it!

@PolarBearStrength I bought a set of playdough where it’s slightly smaller tubs, in my head it’s less messy! But we do it at the table and then I just hoover up any that lands on the floor. I’m not pissing about trying to save it.

We’ve not been going to any play group type things, but DS is 3.5. I can’t afford to pay £££ for a music/dance session on a term by term basis, I just don’t have that money. He goes to a gymnastics class once a week as he loves it and it worked out cheaper than the classes which surprised me as it’s led by a qualified gymnastics coach.

@OhToBeASeahorse today is just one bad day, it doesn’t mean that tomorrow will be. Make sure DH understands your fears and that he needs to know this is the time to step up and support you.

You absolutely have this x

@Rainallnight we’re in a high Covid area of London too. DS has been going to forest school which I feel comfortable with as it’s outside, but that’s it. Think I’ll revisit the situation in spring - baby will be a few months old by then and hopefully worst of winter bugs will have gone.

@ReallySpicyCurry
They had a clutch of children each, and faced a string of difficulties that luckily I can't imagine...but I can guarantee you one thing they didn't do was sit outside on the ground feeding a baby in the pissing rain of October because there was nowhere else to go, because there was always a cup of tea going at someone's house.

Couldn't agree more. And, let's face it, toddler groups were never the height of luxury. A cold cup of tea and stale shortbread biscuit while chasing DS around trying to stop him grabbing the Thomas trains from smaller children. But it felt like you weren't alone...

There's going to be a lot of tiny babies fed on freezing cold park benches this winter...Or a lot of lonely mums. Yes, we're all comparatively fortunate but, for all its joy, having a new baby is a well-documented 'low' time in women's lives and it should be recognised that they need support. When DS was very little, DH was out of the house at work every day from 7.30am until 9pm or later (still is ). I survived by going to everything...baby massage, baby music, baby sensory, playgroup, children's centre, baby gym. And DM and MIL visited frequently.

If Covid and lockdown had happened over my maternity leave, it would have been baby DS and me sat in the house, all day everyday, by ourselves from morning till night. No face-to-face conversation whatever. At least nowadays we can enjoy basic discussions about Night Garden, Spot and Paw Patrol together .

Give us your successes from today then warrior women?

In our house:
✔️book hour in bed!!!
✔️walk to try out buggy board
✔️wet trip to park whilst on walk
✔️mum nap time on sofa whilst toddler climbed all over me.
✔️toddler shower on her own which she loves.
✔️autumn leaf owl craft thing. Picture below from the Internet. If I posted a picture of ours you wouldn't recognise them to be owls

Tomorrow I'm going to move the tuff tray to a different spot in the garden to see if it trucks her into going out and using the lentils and funnels tipping outing game I've set up.

Also (see second photo) I've got some of that sticky clear stuff you'd cover school books with and I've seen people attach it to windows and the toddlers can stick leave and berries to it. Which reminds be I've got a coat pocket full of squashed berries to deal with now.

I forgot to say I used a plastic poly pocket for the owl in picture above and cut off the white side bit with holes.

closed the curtains yesterday and put Minions on the telly, he fucking loves Minions, sat him with his minions toy from a bloody happy meal (cracking parenting here!) and we curled up on the sofa, he stayed silent for 1.5hrs and I snoozed. Heaven.
@MonkeyPuddle this sounds like a perfect afternoon to me! I think DS1 is slightly over screen time, it no longer has quite the pull it did. This is simultaneously good and awful.

@ReallySpicyCurry bloody well said! I can’t imagine spending my first maternity leave like this, I saw my NCT group twice a week for a year, forced me to leave the house and gave me confidence. I spent enough time at home crying over breastfeeding, pumping, etc as it was, I genuinely think my mental health would have been permanently affected if I had been stuck at home.

On groups - I’m doing baby massage, but it’s a bit rubbish, I think because we can’t all go for a coffee etc after everyone’s just a bit unenthusiastic about the making friends side of it (which I was really hoping for as we moved house during lockdown, so I don’t know anyone locally). Also going to forest tots with toddler (and baby in sling). Not sure about the inside ones - they all seem to require toddlers to stay in their zone, and DS1 is not a staying in a zone kind of kid...

@OhToBeASeahorse I'm not convinced it was worth the mess it caused in the car. Have you got any of the big blue ikea bags? Put the bag in the boot, stand muddy toddler in bag, strip clothes straight off in to bag, place clean toddler in car seat. Blue bag then carried straight to washing machine (or forgotten in boot for a week...)

@WeSearchedHereWeSearchedThere genius!! I was using bags for life but that's a much better idea. Thank you.